Reflections of

Just as there’s reflection at Rosh Hashana and the western New Year, there also seems to be reflection today – the day I add another year to the abacus. I have to say that I’m kinda tired of this reflection thing. Maybe this time back in school allows time for a little mediation and reflection, but sometimes I just want to be -- rather than think about where I am. Or in actuality maybe I just want someone to tell me what I should do with the rest of my life. When I spoke with my father the other day on the phone I got that dreaded question – what are you going to do when you graduate?

I hate that question.

So, I gave my dad the usual response – I may apply for a faculty position, I may stay in the Bay Area and perform, I may try and get a job within a theatre company. And then I added one more – maybe I’ll become a beach bum.

My dad liked that.

I went to bed last night a little sad. There’s sometimes a little disconnect about what I hoped would happen with my life and what the reality is. When I was young, I didn’t think I would be at such flux in my life right now. But when I woke this morning with the sun shining and 80s music on my clock radio, I smiled at the possibilities. How exciting is it to have a chance to completely change my life? I like to go back to the comment of being brave.

Being brave is so much stronger than being old and alone.

So after a lovely morning on Lynne and Bill’s boat with Tony, I spend the rest of the day in rehearsal.

I hear that at Sophia’s they give you a free shot on your birthday. A nice way to end the day, non?

It's Better to Look Good than to Feel Good

I started this entry with a photograph. I'm sitting on the couch and Lincoln came by for some lovin' as I opened blogger. I have to say that it's a pretty picture. Or at least I look pretty good. Which is rare of me to say. The odd thing is that I am feeling pretty terrible right now. My nose is like a faucet, my eyes hurt and my throat is kinda raw. I can just hear Billy Crystal on Saturday Night Live as Fernando Lamas.

I may look MAHvelous, but I feel like poop.

My schedule and the weather have beaten me to the ground. I am glad that I have taken on two productions this quarter, but I have very little down time. I tried to drop my Independent Study with Barbara, but she is now pushing pretty hard for me to teach DRA 141 -- Fundamentals of Movement next year. It's pretty much unheard of to have a student teach an upper division undergrad class, so I am scrambling to create a syllabus and reading list. I did a search online this morning and contacted my dance teachers at Emory this morning for syllabi ideas. The goal of the work with Barbara was to create a syllabus by the end of this quarter. Now I have to whip one out of my butt in the next day or so. And did I mention Barbara is out of town??!!

In terms of the weather, we are reaching highs of 80, but it's pretty cool in the mornings. I am doing the layered clothing thing, but in and out of doors with full sun and air conditioning are not the best for me -- the petite flower. Or should I say, aging flower?

As I am on the cusp of yet another birthday, I am back to feeling old. I know I don't look my age -- and I certainly don't act it -- most of the time. But with my knees hurting and my boobs just about reaching my knees, I certainly feel it.

There's that feeling again.

Poop.

Apple Z

Also known as UNDO in many an urban dictionary.  I love in the world of my mac that I can press just two key strokes to go back one step.  I'm sure there was a movie made that used that device, but it's nice to have.

In Sara Pia's acting class we are editing the scenes we shot 2 weeks ago.  Since I never did this type of work before it's hugely challenging.  However I know that if I make a grave error I can also do my little Apple Z.  And bam!  Mistake gone.

On that same note, I also find that I go back and re-read my blog entries and catch some errors.  I wonder if any of you happen to read one of the entries as I am working on it.  I typically post my entries when they are not quite done and then go back and make some edits or post pictures.  Sometimes I add or remove entire paragraphs which change the tone or facts of the complete story.

I also have to say that I am completely open to feedback.  Say I misspell a word or make a grammatical error.  Just let me know.  The perfectionist in me would appreciate that.

The Truth About Cinco de Mayo

Okay folks, I believe it's time again for a little education. As we get our margarita and guacamole ready for tomorrow's festivities, I think we really need to know what the heck we're celebrating.

I could say that I would like a huzzah for having a night off from rehearsal, however I just got a call from Randy and when he realized that we are dark from Nest rehearsal tomorrow, he is trying to schedule a dance rehearsal for Measure for Measure. I told him that I would give him one hour.

I did find out that my dance captain has YET ANOTHER CONFLICT so I have to ask one of the other dancers to share the duty with her. Anyway, I don't want to spoil the party.

Tony is throwing a party called There Will Be Shots. I am a little afraid -- and I wonder if I will spend the night on his couch.

Props to the San Francisco Chronicle who set me straight...

Cinco de Mayo is not a Mexican Fourth of July, and it's not "Drinko de Mayo," as the beer companies have tried to fashion it. In fact it celebrates the Battle of Puebla on May 5, 1862, when a ragtag Mexican army fought off an attack by the larger and better-equipped French force sent by Emperor Napoleon III to conquer Mexico.

The French, along with Spanish and English troops, had invaded Mexico in 1861 after Mexican President Benito Juarez declared he was suspending payment on the country's foreign debts. The Spanish and English withdrew after negotiating settlement of the debt. But Napoleon, hoping to gain a foothold in the Americas to counter the growing power of the United States, ordered his troops to attack.

A True Sun-day

Today is one of those perfect days. A morning that's a little lazy and full of some yummy dim sum with Jeanne, one of Tim's friends that I am taking on myself. It was oddly exciting to venture to a new part of Sacramento. I must continue to make discoveries so I don't wind up running out of time like I did at the end of my tenure in Atlanta. I must start my things to do around NoCal list. Especially since I will have a good amount of free time this summer. Anyone want to visit?

The weather is great today -- sunny and 70. And after a Target run where I spent too much money I find that I have just over an hour before rehearsal.

Here's to new adventures, my new sunglasses and yes, a little sitting in the sun.

Life on a Sundeck -- in the middle of the ocean

Some days it feels like all is well and things are going along swimmingly. I am on a wide deck lying in the sun. There is a slight breeze and I could not be happier. Then I open my eyes and realize that I am in the middle of the vast ocean by myself and there's no one around for miles and miles. I stand there completely alone and disorientated.

Sometimes I like to think of this as a reality check and others a time of growth. In actuality there's a boat just around the corner from my little sundeck to rescue me, but at first glance I am off my center and potentially angry.

On Thursday in Jade's CORE class she proposed we do an exercise to go along with ideas around identity. She thought it would be a good idea to take mini-post it notes and write labels for each of our classmates. Then we would stick them to the respective backs. So we could be honest and the recipient would not know who said what. That immediately put up red flags and there was a negative verbal response -- it came mostly from Patricia and Rebecca, but Tim soon followed. We figured that everyone would be nice and not truthful. We eventually decided to write 2 notes for each person in the class and put them all on a big table. Then in turn we would go up to said table and pick out 4 that we thought were meant for us.

I pulled 6. They are:

artist
mature
cook
obedient
organised
silly

After looking at "busy body" and asking Nancy if she thought that was for me -- she just looked at me and tilted her head. I started thinking, but left it there on the table. After we read our lists to the class, I put "cook" back and picked up "busy body" I could not think of another person in the class that could have taken that distinction. Perhaps Lynne, but I am not sure. So, in the effort of being honest with myself. Tony said that it was my own opinion of myself and not of others, but it made me think. And all of a sudden I was alone. Maybe I am a pain in the ass and people are disturbed that I butt into their business. It knocked me off my center. And now I have the desire to be more quiet.

After playing with that list I really looked at each of the labels. Artist was probably not meant for me, but Wenting, and Mature was either for Nancy of Lynne. Cook was probably me, but I am not sure about Obedient. All of this made me question who I am and even after the objection to having our classmates post on our backs, I had a huge desire to find out which labels were actually meant for me.

That evening I was in Nest rehearsal and Irina again pushed me off my center. She asked me to do my only large monologue keeping in mind different concepts. She forced me to put the script down and really play. I was hugely resistant at first, but eventually I was able to get out of my head and really stretch the text. It was exciting and freeing. Shortly after I went to the U-Club and had a 2 hour dance rehearsal for Measure for Measure. It's great being in a room with people who love what they're doing. They are so positive and follow instructions. The level of talent is mixed, which makes it hard, but they are welcome to the gentle (or not so gentle) pushes and are appreciative of my support and choreography.

I wish to grab some sun on the grass before our Nest line through tomorrow. But after a morning of dim sum with Jeanne and another line cramming session, I doubt that will be possible.

Poops!

Part 2 - Outburst

I have a tendency to make long stories longer. Maybe it's my love and talent for story telling. Maybe it's because there is sometimes a certain amount of emotion that needs to come out through a story. I didn't mean to share the story about blowing up at Patricia to many people, but I told it to Christine when she spent the night on my couch last Saturday, with glass of wne in hand, and she was completely engaged.

To make a long story short, we did complete our presentation with no great hoopla. We sat around one of the long 7 feet tables with our laptops open -- talking, playing music and making a strawberry shortcake. I beat the cream, Patricia washed and cut the strawberries and Zac, in usual fashion, sat their like a lump answering questions and followed instructions. He did slice the pound cake and help put the strawberries on the cake. He also gave me a clean plate to serve each piece of the dessert to our classmates. But still -- lump.

The class watched us proscenium style. I hoped that the class would walk around us, but Patricia started setting seats out on one side of us. As Lynne said it was like watching through a fish bowl. All was peaceful until Jade broke the 4th wall and asked if I needed any help. It was completely disorientating to hear it and then the rest of the class was more verbal. Mostly about making lip smacking sounds in anticipation of eating the cake.

It's now Thursday -- a week later -- and Patricia and I have shared a few emails and been cordial in class, but we have not talked about the incident. There is a sense of dread as we move into our final project. A group piece on identity created by all 9 of us. Yikes! Needless to say we are dreading this. When I spoke with Nancy in rehearsal last night (she came in to watch and do some figure sketches) she said she just wanted to get through this quarter without killing anyone. I am in the same boat.

I am back to a messy apartment and things are trucking along in both rehearsals. I did watch an episode of Grey's Anatomy online last night instead of going to sleep. I hope I didn't make a grave error. We all know that if that is the case, it will not be the last. I do need lots of energy today. And the coffee trick is starting to wear thin. But I hope to be productive enough this morning to allow me to take a break and grab lunch with Tony before CORE.

For those keeping track at home, here's my updated to-do list:

MUST HAPPEN TODAY:
-- finish choreography for They Way We Get By for tonight's Measure for Measure rehearsal
-- memorize Scenes 13 for tonight's Nest rehearsal
-- swing by costume shop so they can get one last measurement for my almost completed corset

AND THE LIST IN GENERAL:
-- observe someone either live or on film with languid qualities
-- read After the War by Philip Kan Gotanda for CORE class
-- schedule time with Mindy Cooper to talk about performing in Oklahoma next year
-- work on Helen monologue for Movement on Monday
-- continue learning lines for NEST
-- schedule brow waxing
--send CV to Barbara for her to push the case to allow me to teach DRA 141 next year
-- schedule dada participation and funding meetings
-- watch Final Cut Pro video for Acting class in prep to edit my movie