T-minus 21

We're getting close folks, and I have yet to freak out.

Yet.

I really do feel there will be a yet. I still have not heard back from the management company about my application on the Seaman apartment. I left a fairly stern message with Tara and got a call back from her broker. I may just deal with him now. I do hope to hear something tomorrow. On the more positive front I did get a temporary job for the week after I move. Actually training happens the day after I fly in. It's for Spoons Across America and their Agricultural Literacy program. Basically I get paid to go into classrooms and read a book on how food grows. It's pretty great. I do wonder if this one opportunity will lead to more work.

I have not had any bites on my furniture, but a number of calls about my car. I showed it today but he wanted it for $3000 lower than my asking price. I am showing it to someone else on Friday.

I am beat from an evening at Phil's, so I am in bed and ready to hit the hay. After I play any of my Words with Friends turns, that is.

Gratitudes:
1. some kind customers tonight at Phil's
2. a sunny day in the East Bay
3. a bit of work lined up in NY
4. a bit of catering work before I leave
5. BART

Scrubs Bookends

As I was leaving Atlanta, I started watching Scrubs on DVD. I was completely addicted. I knew that when I moved to California I would find Zach Braff and we would fall madly in love.

Yeah, I am not sure what I was thinking.

Needless to say, I never "ran in" to Mr. Braff, nor did I stalk the set even though Tony grew up right around where they filmed.

With all of the craziness of grad school I missed the last 2 seasons. I have been catching up the last few weeks and finally saw the final 2 episodes of Season 8 this evening. I find it so interesting that Scrubs played such a role in my Atlanta departure and that I found it again after 4 1/2 years. In the 2 episodes I saw tonight, they touched on Braff's character JD leaving Sacred Heart and all of the emotions around expectations, the future and good-byes. It was a little surreal. One, because I am going through many of those feelings right now and secondly because it's pretty weird that this Western adventure is bookended by my Scrubs viewing.

I cannot force myself to watch Season 9, but now that I'm caught up on all my current TV viewing I can get down to prepping for the move. In earnest.

Oh wait, I would love to be able to see some of the Grammy's tomorrow...

How 'bout some gratitudes before slumber?
1. an easy catering job today
2. hanging with Ayla after said job
3. back up parking for the general suck in the current parking situation in my neighborhood
4. coffee
5. TV shows on the internet - I was going to say interweb, but jokes and inflection don't really read here. right?

Motivation Needed

Since I have been back at the restaurant, it's been difficult to get stuff done. Well, I don't know if I can blame that, but getting rid of my belongings is where I am completely dragging my feet. As usual I would like the easy route, but now that I will have more time, I need to be more vigilant about selling what I don't need to bring with me.

While I have not been going out of my way to tell people that I'm leaving, word is starting to spread within the catering set. Both Ayla and Lindsay mentioned going away parties and honestly I really don't want one. I would rather just step out of the picture and vanish. I am trying to process why that is and I think the reasons are many. First, since I really don't have a good support/friend circle, I truly don't think that anyone really cares that I am going. I know that's not true, but I wonder why people didn't make an effort while I was here. I know people are busy and are really into themselves, but it makes me wonder if people just take me for granted. They think I'll be around, so they'll contact me when they get around to it. This is all conjecture since I really don't know. But I have spent time pondering and mulling over some difficult ideas.

Secondly, I feel that I failed here in the Bay Area. I actually mentioned it to Roz during our catering job today. It's amazing how easily it came off my tongue. I was thinking my Facebook departure post would be Hope Mirlis: 0, San Francisco 1, but I don't think I need to be so public with it. The failure reason for leaving is certainly a hard one. I came out of the UC Davis gates with gun blaring and then I got injured. I'm curious to know what may have happened if I never lost that momentum. I cannot say it was a complete wash since I have done some amazing things and got to teach at some theatres and studios. However, it's been a struggle. Hell, you can read all about it right here from the last 2 years of posts.

I work tomorrow and have all of Monday off. I really need to find some motivation and get shit done. Will it happen? I hope so. Either way, I'm sure I will get a phone call from my parents for their daily "update." Gosh, I hope I have something to tell them. Or perhaps I wish they would stop calling every day.

Sigh.

Some gratitudes for the last sip of wine:
1. the music of Whitney Houston - she was found dead this evening
2. my neighborhood (and the characters within)
3. lovely catering co-workers
4. clean floors - in the bathroom and kitchen
5. complimentary catering clients

Draggin'

I have been getting home from Phil's and have just been beat. This evening I did 2 loads of laundry, had some dinner and just fell into bed. I had a lovely phone conversation with my brother and watched the most recent Top Chef episode. I did wind up playing a little ukulele, but nothing truly dedicated.

Looking at this list, I did a lot. Oh yeah, I also scrubbed the bathroom floor - on my hands and knees with a scrub brush. Hugh called with a heads up that he decided to take a large party in the restaurant on top of a huge to go order. He's bringing in extra staff to get everything out in time, but that also means I will be working a 9 hour day before going to Amy's bowling birthday party tomorrow night. I am not sure I am so excited about all of this. It's 10:15PM and I am ready to go to sleep. The past 2 nights I don't think I shut my eyes until after 1AM, so hopefully this will refresh and renew.

Hopefully.

On the hopeful front, I put a deposit down and filled out an application for a studio apartment in Inwood. While it's a little out of the way, it's close to nature, a great Farmers Market, and lots of good restaurants and bars. I am excited to get settled and start etching out a new routine. I'm excited to see where that may go in terms of work, but I do think I will cobble something together.

In the effort to keep this optimism flowing, here are my gratitudes:
1. s'mores bars
2. coffee
3. a freshly laundered warm bath mat under my feet
4. parents who care
5. the possibility of a deeper connection with my brother

Today's image is by the artist Yoshika

Back to Gratitudes

It's way too late, but needed some coming down time after my Phil's shift this evening. My feet are killing me and I have a long day tomorrow. Things are moving forward, but I really need to sell my furniture. And car. And bicycle.

I also need to plan my kids yoga class for tomorrow. I know I will use the yoga pretzel cards, but I would love to teach them something else. A concept, a new pose, a new awareness.

So, let me get these gratitudes in and go to sleep. Perhaps I will meditate on some questions and have answers when I wake!

Won't that be nice?

Here I go:
1. yoga
2. cold beer
3. easy public transit
4. my friend Maria who is looking at an apartment on my behalf
5. hand cream in my purse

Change of Plans

When I woke up this morning the sun was shining and I was super excited to take an early yoga class, continue prepping for the move, head to free day at the Oakland Museum before taking BART to Berkeley to see Ghost Light with Michael Gaffney tonight.

I had a great quiet walk to class and Leonora always teaches a lovely sequence. However, 2/3 of the way through the class I felt a twinge in my left psoas. It may be closer to a pull, but I'd like to stay optimistic. I immediately went into balasana and then checked the range of motion. It certainly does not feel right, but it doesn't hurt and I was able to finish the class taking things very easy. No full lunges with my left leg extended back, no pigeon on that side either. No jumping up to uttanasana, no jumping back to plank.

I did feel a little tug on the muscle on my walk home. And during a yummy breakfast I decided to take it easy today. I hope that I am not using this as an excuse to be lazy. I looked for apartments, watched some hulu, made a soup and just had lunch. Oh, I also did my dishes. I have just over 2 hours before I need to head to Berkeley, so I will continue cleaning, change my sheets & perhaps post my couch for sale on craigslist and take a shower.

I hope that my muscle will heal quickly. My monthly membership at Barefoot Movement expires on Tuesday, so I just may not renew. I'll have to see how I feel. I do want to take a few classes before I go.

1. Allen Frias' hip hop class
2. Stacey Rosenberg's yoga class
3. a glass blowing class
4. and one last round of Sarah and Chauncey

I just checked at the Oakland Museum is free the first Sunday of every month. So, I will go next month. March 4 - 2 days before I ship out and head back East.

Baby Steps

I really should be sleeping. My Daily Inspiration on Twitter and Facebook centered around getting extra sleep, but I am certainly not following that advice. At least for the end of my day. I worked a long day at Phil's and had 2 glasses of wine. I also started my online application for a position in the Education department of the American Museum of Natural History. I am fried.

And I cannot believe that I have not written in 5 days.

There's not a ton to report. I did post some furniture on Craigslist, but have not gotten any bites. I did give my notice to all of my employers and my apartment managers. I also sent my tax forms to Sallie, my accountant in Atlanta. And I have secured movers to come and grab my stuff on the 27th of this month.

Baby steps.

Therefore I still need income in NY. And have a shit ton to sell before I go. I also need to keep the money flowing here in CA until I leave. And then there's that whole issue about where I'm actually moving. Mama's gotta find an apartment.

It's amazing how much yoga has helped me release. I notice tension creeping up all the time and once the awareness hits I just let go. It's kinda great. I think that's one of the major positives on my CA adventure. It was a big issue in grad school once one of my professors realized that I clenched my glutes. I know I've mentioned it before, but usually I try so hard and want something badly that my whole body grips. The release certainly helps with the stress levels.

I have also tried to play my ukulele often, but working 5 days a week makes it a bit more difficult. The money sure is nice and without a steady gig or money coming in, I can certainly dedicate lots of time to my ukulele playing in my super small apartment in NY.

Wherever that may be.