G is for Gratitude

Have a nice full day today which is a little hard on little sleep from crazy cat hacking and irritable cramps. However, I realized that I did not post gratitudes in my last two posts. I have also not been good about drinking water and don't even get me started on flossing.

Here's to a little nippity nap before I head over to The Beat and learn the front desk in order to do their work study.

Things for which I am grateful:

1. pleasant weather

2. supportive friends - most recently old friend, Andy Smith

3. people that know how to bake - and share the fruits of their labors

4. wifi

5. a healing ankle and a good physical therapist

Monday without a Plan

I went out with my buddy Praba on Saturday night. We picked up two of her close friends and went into the Mission to an art gallery benefit. Since last week was a no (or light) spend week I looked a pretty art and smiled at those that could pay $1000 for an auctioned piece right now. After that we went to a birthday party and after Praba drank a little much after being sick she was down for the count. After some political conversation and silly "exercises" I finally got a ride back to Praba's at 4:30AM.

Yes, folks, it's been a long time since I was out that late. Even on Halloween I was asleep by then.

Needless to say it completely screwed up my sleep schedule. Asleep by 5AM, up to feed the cats at 7:30PM, back to bed and up at 1PM. 1PM! Who am I Tony Shayne?

Kidding.

So, last night, good luck getting into bed before 2AM. I could have, but I got the munchies at midnight after seeing Ara's show at ODC. So, I had a little Thai food from Tuk Tuk and watched the Next Iron Chef - then Chopped. Then bed!

So this morning, it was a little difficult to wake up for my CalShakes audition. I did and the bike ride over there was good for the body and soul. My audition was okay. It took me a while to get in. I started with my Twelfth Night ring speech and I couldn't get the funny flowing. I did use the frustration as I jumped into the Lady Anne from Richard III, so at least I ended on a good note.

And now, that leaves the rest of my Monday open. I think there is a magnet on my butt that finds it's match on the couch, for I find myself here quite a lot. Maybe it's because the living room is one of the cleaner rooms in the house and my bedroom is a mess.

Yes, I could clean today.

Okay, first breakfast and THEN cleaning.

What about the Risk?

yeah, i forgot about that, too. the fact that i have avoided risk and played it safe lately. okay, maybe i am healing and needed a little break, but the proactivity is lacking.

i think about this as i apply for my first faculty position and i'm struggling with the cover letter.

and then here's the end of today's google horoscope...

"Don't settle on being average now; you can accomplish more if you dare to reach for the stars."

sigh.

i mean, here i come.

bitches!

Well, he's got...

high expectations.

Or maybe that's just me. I have high expectations.

There I said it.

When people or situations disappointed me in years past, I got very angry. Usually this was around friendship. So, once I realized that my standards were unreasonable, I eased up. It was very freeing.

It has been a very difficult transition for me moving from Davis to Berkeley. Mostly because I could not get a routine started. And while I am not a 9 to 5 kinda gal, I do like repetition. The collegiate schedule was ideal. Mondays and Wednesdays were the same and Tuesday and Thursday were something different.

But anyway, expectations.

While I have not gotten angry when expectations have not been met, there is still disappointment. I have been a little quiet for the last few weeks. I blamed it in an earlier post on others not caring. However, that's not true. That's not it at all. I stand my the opinion that people are busy, but it has nothing to do with not caring. People just need a little jog. A little nudge. A phone call.

So, whoever said a few months ago (and another who said it last week) you are absolutely correct. I need to be more proactive. I need to go out of my way and do more. I need to at times be relentless. I need to let go of expectations.

Gratitudes:

1. friends in Davis

2. a nice ride

3. kind former students

4. enough complimentary ingredients to make a soup

5. abc full episode player (yes, I'm caught up on Grey's Anatomy!)

Tick, tock

I got home from Christine's house at 11:15PM and just had to watch the Top Chef that I recorded on DVR. Midway through I got a little peckish and made a little snack that I have been doing fairly regularly - a flour tortilla with sabra spicy hummus with some fresh spinach. Um, yummy!

It's now 12:26AM and I would love to go to sleep, but with a belly doing it's digestive thing, I feel like I need to wait. I am not sure if my mother ever said anything about not going to sleep on a full stomach, but I do feel that there is some maternal figure sitting on my shoulder right now. So yes, I'll wait.

I have been doing pretty good about updating my blog recently and with the friends checking in, I also had two others contacting me about reading my blog. I really have been writing just for me, however, it's nice to see that others are engaged to read along. It's been a while since I thought I may make a buck on my blog, but I am glad that my saga is worthy of taking a few minutes out of some uber busy days.

I'm heading to Davis tomorrow afternoon to catch up with friends and see the Granada offerings for this quarter. I know I will be spending some moolah tomorrow, but hopefully unemployment will come in next week.

Gratitudes:

1. friends with jobs who buy groceries for dinner

2. a yoga pass - on class 2 of 3

3. the Food Network

4. loving kitties

5. the hot water bottle christine gave me almost 2 years ago

Take that, bitches!

Yesterday, I got up and prepped to bike to City of Berkeley parking violations office followed by my temp agency. Huffing and puffing up Addison I got a flat tire. Since my emotions are so fragile right now I just about lost it. I was going to walk home and hide under the covers. However I locked my bike at St. Joseph the Worker church since I figured no one would steal a bike a church and I walked the remainder of the way.

Things did not end well as I fought my ticket and I wound up bawling when I had to pay the $50 fine. Okay, maybe not bawling, but it was close to a sob. The officer passed me a tissue box and I felt ridiculous. I felt like I had explain myself and said "I've had a string of bad luck lately." The officer apologised which left the door open for me to say, "I am not sure what the universe is trying to tell me." She responded with something about things turning around and I simply said, "I don't think so."

I put my sunglasses on and took my pride with me as I walked home. Luckily I brought my ipod shuffle with some Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me and The Moth podcasts, so as I passed my locked bike and found myself back on my doorstep, I was feeling better.

I drove to the temp office where I returned the silverware I had from the office where I worked for the last 3 weeks as well as turned in my time sheet. I was also able to fax the necessary forms to the Unemployment Office in Sacramento.

When I got home things started to turn around. I got a call from my friend Damon Boggess checking in on me. He had just come home from an audition for The Vampire Diaries. A show on the CW. Join me in keeping my fingers crossed that Damon is the the next Mayor of Vampiretown. While on the phone with him, my friend (and UC Davis PhD candidate) Praba Pilar called to check in on me and today I got yet another call from my good friend Sarah Raskin. She was with me while I ate lunch AND took a bath. She is finishing up her PhD at UA Tucson and has quite a plan in the next few years. Studying the health care in Appalachia. Here's to her getting the funding she needs, as well as her hubby John finding a job close by. Needless to say, it was great to receive these calls and catch up. After feeling like I do not have a support group, I do feel better. I was always afraid to live alone since just in case something happened, no one would ever know. However, I know that's not true.

On more positive news after sending injuries at a number of catering companies and applying for an education manager position I had 2 interviews today. A phone interview for the Eduction Manager job and a quick in-person interview for the catering company. They both went well and in fact, I just got notification of a second interview for the education manager job. BAM!

After I got home from the catering company, I walked my bike to the Bike Workshop in the Berkeley Aquatic Park. They help you fix your own bike. So, I unfortunately went off the challenge to not spend any money, however the tube was only $3 and I gave a $2 donation. It felt amazing to be able to do it (mostly) by myself. My hands were grimy and dirty and now I know how to repair a flat. Not only that, but these guys were awesome. Good teachers with patient demeanors.

Here's hoping my luck is coming around. Maybe the cool henna design on my left foot is working it's magic!

Must. Stay. Positive.

I was not truly risky today, if you don't count going over the Bay Bridge these days. However yesterday and today I went into the city. Yesterday to the Food Bank on the south side and today to the Jewish Library in who knows where. Hold on, let me see what neighborhood it was... Western Addition/NOPA. I guess that's North of P.P.P um, Panhandle. Really???!

Anyway, I looked online for free events now that the money is not flowing and I found a free henna workshop. It was pretty uneventful, but I paired up with the woman next to me and I did her hand while she did my left foot. A request to do something "lucky" used. She went a little crazy and I was not able to put my shoe on to head home. I did put socks on when I got home and I just looked at the cracking paste and to be honest, it's a little wimpy. I was going to take a photo, but really it's not impressive.

I also decided to last as long as possible without spending ANY money. I have plenty of food in the kitchen. I may need to get creative, but I have lots to keep me going for at least 4 days, probably a whole week. For example, I had 2 rotting bananas, so I just made a banana bread. It's in the oven and smelling yummy. I forgot to butter the loaf pan, so we'll see what trouble that is. I cannot wait to have a piece with some peanut butter on top.

This is a much longer post than I anticipated. Here's what I thought it would be:

Gratitudes:

1. food in the kitchen and skills to cook them

2. working internet

3. reliable transportation

4. loving parents

5. a plethora of colorful scarves