This Monday/Wednesday thing is knocking me down!

So, I have a sack of clean laundry by the front door and another in my bedroom and there are a TON of papers scattered around my apartment. It must be Wednesday!

I am trying to catch up, but think I will just take a shower, watch some TV on my laptop in bed and get an early start tomorrow. This morning I had a choice to carry my tea or ride my bicycle with both hands. The practical won out and I left my full travel mug by my back door as I hopped on my bike.

Today's DRA 10 was good. Lots of discussion about inner and external action as well as what's believable acting. Then we did a bunch of fun trust exercises. From there in Barbara's class we each had to bring in a piece of music that best shows our movement quality. I knew I needed something rhythmic and upbeat, but it was hard to find something without lyrics as the assignment required. I wound up choosing the theme from The Triplets of Belleville. It was high energy and I found myself dancing in ways I normally do not. We each had to stand in the center of the circle as our song played. The "leader" started moving and the rest of the class joined in using the leaders movement as an inspiration to create his/her own. It was fascinating to move as others do. My body began to explore shapes and flexion in different ways. Most of the class picked high energy songs, so we had quite a workout.

In Melanie's class we are working on a James Joyce poem. An excerpt from Molly Bloom from Ulysses. It's a very descriptive, sensual piece. I find myself letting go and allowing my voice to work for me. It's very interesting. This class has a certain edge to it. I wonder if it's because Melanie is leaving us. She's trying to impart a ton of knowledge on us.

I biked home and made a really good ravioli lunch with fresh broccoli and garlic. Our Film Acting class was back at the edit lab and we made some decisions about our scenes. I will be directing one with Christine and Rebecca and acting with Tim as Randy directs. If anyone has a good suggestion for 2 women scenes from a modern film, please let me know.

After our TA meeting I ran to callbacks for Nest. I had a good audition yesterday, but since I am not excited about the show, I really didn't care and left all my tensions at the door. She worked with all of the actors before me for about 15-20 minutes EACH. I went in did my monologue and song and was out in 4. She called me back on the spot.

There's something about this being a big fish in a small pond that I really like right now. I just can't get used to it -- or I'll go into major depression every time I audition outside the university.

Callbacks tonight were pretty fun. We sang a folk song as a group and then in pairs, played Assassin and Volleyball (a game similar to Zip, Zap, Zop) and then did scenes. I did feel a little old reading with the actor that would be my husband. He was good, very attractive, but gave me absolutely nothing. There was a kiss at the end of the scene. So, at least there was something. I do have to say that Irina Brown did call my out on my shit. That is a nice change of pace.

Reality Check

So, it should not be a huge surprise that my auditions did not go so well. Last night, I sang well. But did I blow them away? Um, I don't think so.

Bryan Mercer gave me a warm up CD that he liked -- actually was I supposed to copy it and return? Well, too late now. But either way the warm up was excellent and after all of that humming and buzzing I felt more confident. The name of the CD was Big Voice. And I have to say when I left my car I did indeed have a big voice. Maybe because the sound was bouncing off the surfaces of a small space, but I thought I sounded good. And I am very critical.

I do miss singing in my car. Since I rarely drive anymore I lose time that I had once used to sing or listen to taped lines. Ah, the car as studio. Maybe I should utilize the studios on campus that ARE studios. Gosh, what a concept.

So last night I sang Taylor the Latte Boy. I met with my buddy Tim last week and he encouraged me to sing it since it would probably be something the artistic director and his assistant didn't know. Well, they did know it and I had a mini freak-out as the accompanist plucked out the first note. 16 bars -- in and out. And then there was the realization that while I love this musical theatre thing -- there are so many people that do it better than me.

I wasn't going to even go to the dance call this morning. But then I thought worse case scenario I would get a good workout. There wound up being 150 people there and I have to say the average age of the auditionee was about 20! I had major swings of "Oh, my god, what the heck am I doing here. I am so old" to "Let me show these young'uns a thing or two." We started with a ballet combo and that's when the shit hit the fan. I stood by Tim's friend Jeanne because she's been cast for the last 3 years and she was probably the best dancer there. Technically strong and just performed so well. I have to say that I have that performers edge, but my technique -- or should I say my ballet technique -- just stinks.

They did the first round of cuts after the ballet section and of course my name was NOT called. I could say that I wasn't feeling well and the headache got in the way, but honestly I wouldn't have cast myself. I literally tripped over my own feet. Twice. Scarily enough, I am not the slightest bit heartbroken. Okay, maybe just a little. But really it's a little.

I just got off the phone with birthday girl Jen Denning and explained to her that while I am a good dancer and a good singer I am not GREAT. There are tons of things that I do better. And while there was a chance that I would move to NY and be a big Broadway star, there are tons of people that really dig that life. I have to say that these auditions did not excite me.

I'm reminded of a conversation I had with Margaret Baldwin early on in my decision to make a grand change. She actually encouraged me to leave acting behind. She said that I should not act because there are people that just do it better. Not that I'm bad, I have strengths elsewhere. That was hard to hear, but I wonder if it's true. She said I am a stellar administrator. And I have to add teacher to that list.

Gosh, then how the heck to I justify this MFA in Dramatic Arts with an emphasis in Acting.

Um, yikes.

Not a Good Sign

I have been in bed napping for just about 3 hours now and I just don't want to get up. Gotta love a little headache and nausea in the afternoon.

Too bad that I have my big audition for Music Circus in a few hours.

Wish me luck.

I'm gonna need it.

It must be Fate

This quarter I am doing a devised work under the direction of Rinde Eckert. Someone had the brilliant idea to make us audition during our last week of classes. So on top of all the reading, projects and grading, I had to focus on getting someone to like me and want to work with me.

We auditioned on a Wednesday, had callbacks on Thursday and once the cast list went up, we were called for a short "rehearsal" on Friday night. This was kind of a rehearsal, but more of a lecture. After introductions and a presentation from the scenic and lighting designer, Rinde basically talk at us for 2 hours. I did appreciate him saying that he needed to gain our trust with this project as he gets it out of his brain and into our hands. I hoped that came sooner than later.

The play is called Fate and Spinoza and it deals with optics and philosophy. Mathematics and human relations. Our buddy Rinde was slated to play David Spinoza Cornell (a combination of David Hume and Baruch Spinoza) and the rest of the company play his Fates, as well as the rest of the people around him.

All I kept thinking at first was, "oh great, I get to be a puppet! I have no idea what is going on and just have to do things based on the musings of this Pulitzer Prize nominated guy. Fantastic." I eventually calmed down and realized that I liked not knowing what my roles would be. I was very content just flowing with the wind and enjoyed just playing.

At rehearsal on Thursday he called just the women. We did a very cool exercise where we had to write about a girl at 5 years old sitting on her stoop. A short paragraph that explained what she was wearing and what she was looking at. We then moved on to 10 years old, 15, 20, 30 and then 45. By this time she had a name. Rinde mentioned that our woman was standing outside of a hotel with another woman and asked who the other woman was, how old she was and what they were waiting for.

With this information we became the characters and then interviewed each other. Fascinating. After another short exercise, we finally read parts of the script. Rinde did not read Spinoza, but we each took turns reading him and the other roles -- male and female.

During one of his discussions he slipped in that Spinoza was now a woman. If you took a breath you would have missed it. A few moments later he asked to see me after rehearsal. Once all the actors left the room, he stared straight ahead with me sitting next to him. He mentioned the name April Spinoza and said that I would play her. I was flabbergasted. And that doesn't happen too much.