Revelations and introspections

I am finally settling in this crazy new life and due to all of the journaling and exercises have come to notice some things. I also think a little parental visit can shake things up.

My folks, as some of you know are some of the most critical people around me. Okay, they are the MOST critical. Which can be good and not so good. As we discussed my program over their weekend visit, they kept repeating how weak my program is. I tend to agree with them on some level. But the last time I was in school I was an undergrad. As an MFA candidate, there is much more flexibility as I move from student to collegue with my professors.

I think this is a little harder to grasp since as a mid-career collaborative artist I always thought of the peer system. That the people around me were equals and there was a good bit of give and take. The academic environment primarily puts emphasis on wrong and right, black and white. Education always flows from teacher to student and that teachers have all the answers.

I see that mostly with the class I teach. I did the Liz Lerman Dance Exchange Critical Response Process with their open scenes today it was amazing for them to give feedback to each other. They looked at me for guidance for a while until they finally got the hang of how it worked and communicated as a group -- lessening the emphasis on what I said.

I love that.

In movement we went through the 5 Rhythms -- Flow, Staccato, Chaos, Lyrical and Stillness. The exercise did not work for me. We were guided by music and instruction on the recording. How to move and quality of movement, but I could not hear the spoken instruction. So instead of letting my body guide my brain, I immediately resorted to questioning my "rightness." So, when we discussed the exercise afterwards, my undergrad and graduate brain were in conflict. I wound up just being frustrated with the idea that I thought too much about being correct in what I was doing.

After class, in my nausteated/low blood sugar state I walked towards the Silo and my CORE fitness class. I stopped midway and took a detour to the library. I decided to do what was best for my body and mind -- take a time-out and regroup in the library courtyard.

Ahhhh.

the progression of the kitchen

in preparation of the arrival of my digital camera, I present a pictoral adventure. how my kitchen came to be. enjoy.

Day 1 in Davis, CA. My mother and I had a day to clean since my relocube had not been delivered -- yet. Look at the those shelves! Bursting with possibility. Me, on the other hand -- I'm just tired and smelly.

Either day 1 or 2. We took a trip to Bed, Bath & Beyond and Target in Natomas and got shelf liners.


The unpacking begins and Maxie finds a comfortable spot. By this time his eyes were finally back to normal from the sedation.


Still unpacking and Maxie gets a little more bold. See him behind the wine glasses? Crazy. He was super careful. We did find some broken glass -- but very little and Maxie was certainly not responsible.


Just about complete. And yes, the handy dandy step ladder is uber useful and needed.


My kitchen today. Pretty clean after hosting my first gathering. A brunch for some of my classmates and friends.

an evening of journaling

as a grad student in the department of theatre and dance i really don't have many tests. actually I only had one -- and that was for my voice class. we had to be able to discuss the different areas that make sound and the different modes of making them.

i explained to angela the day of the test that, for example, an S sound is an alveolar approximate. you use your tongue and the alveolar ridge (the area right behind your upper teeth) in a way that they ALMOST (or approximately) touch. for contrast, we make our Ps and Bs using bilabial plosive. blowing air out of our 2 lips (bilabial) in an exploding fashion -- with a burst of air. the difference being that the Ps are unvoiced and the Bs are voiced.

You tried this, out loud, right?

anyway, after having to explain 5 such examples and having to make the sounds for our professor one by one, that's pretty much all there is in terms of a true test. the rest of my assignments are projects. devised pieces in my CORE class, a vocal pedagogy lecture in my voice/speech class and chekhov scenes in acting. for our CORE class and our movement class, however, we also have to do journals. the instructors want us to concentrate on how we are learning and processing information and how we respond to it throughout the quarter.

we are in the middle of our 2nd devised work for CORE, but one of the two professors thinks its a good idea to also check in on the progress of our journals. she suggested that we bring them in to share in class tomorrow. my friend christine suggested that we do this next week -- to allow us time to work over the weekend -- but since we perform our devised pieces on tuesday, she vetoed that one.

therefore, all of us are cramming tonight to get these suckers started. i have to say that i did do one entry and have purchased all of my supplies. different colored and textured papers, fun pens and pencils. i plan to bind all of the pages together to make a booklet in the end. but i have a huge problem with sharing my journal with my classmates. since the last devised piece was a little challenging, i feel that i have to censor what i say because i don't want everyone to read my vents and frustrations. my guess is that i'm going to have to make it personal -- all about my experience and not touch upon the others.

i planned to go to the 3rd THIRDeYE rehearsal tonight but i decided to pass on it. i went to the first 2 last night and during one of the rehearsals worked on an entry for my movement class journal. for that one i have a small spiral bound notebook where i plan to write text mostly. since we primarily MOVE in class, i think it's important to be able to WRITE about what i am doing and how it affects me.

the journal for CORE is different. we have designers, actors and a director. we read academic texts and watch performances. we create. therefore, we have more play in how we analyze. i see the costume designer sketching as we watch a robert lepage video, so i try sketching, too. i play with color and texture and jot down images and words. see, different.

tonight, i came home after my TA meeting, checked my email, peeked at facebook, took a nice hot shower and got in my jammies. tonight i focus on CORE -- or the core of CORE.

i am about to put my creativity hat on and dive in.

A little dip

Since THIRDeYE rehearsals have not ramped up yet, I took the opportunity to get out of dodge with Christine and the kids. Christine has been having major computer issues and an old friend had an extra computer from work. So we took the 3 hour drive to Santa Cruz and camped out last night before meeting with her friends this morning for brunch.

After a late start and a stop at Jack in the Box for lunch we rolled into Santa Cruz around 3:30PM. Of course, there were signs up at the Sunshine State Beach that announced they were full, but luckily after waiting for a moment and traipsing through the cabbage and corn, we got the last spot. We set up camp, took a quick trip to the KOA for some milk, tea bags and water and came back to eat some dinner.

We then did something fantastic. We took our tea and Oreos and walked to the beach. Yes, it was cold, yes, I was wearing a number of layers, but yes, it was so needed. I took off my shoesies and curled my feet up in the sand and took a stroll.

Christine's kids, Daniel and Emma, got completely soaked which I really don't understand -- um, water's CHILLY, folks! -- but it didn't matter to me as I watched the birds look for food and the big ball of the sun dip down below the horizon. Absolutely beauttiful. The haul back up (and the subsequent trip this morning) left me breathing heavy and caused me to pull my calf muscles in both legs.

I say that the view and the s'mores that followed the sunset made it worth it.

I wonder if the pain of getting out of bed tomorrow morning will chanage my mind.

Almost perfect

Last week I listened to my CORE presentation group members complain about how busy their schedules are. I smiled and nodded, offered my sympathy, but felt that I had yet to feel stress or be overwhelmed. I was still able to sit many nights and watch Grey's Anatomy or piddle around before a scoop of ice cream and a jump into bed with a magazine.

Well, folks those times have changed. I was silly enough to add a fitness class in my break on Monday/Wednesday. In fact I tried on a suit that we used in our CORE project and Lynne, the costume designer of the bunch said that the pants were indeed a little snug around the bottom. Yeah, I have a healthy bedonkadonk for my size and I needed to do something about it.

However, now that THIRDeYE is starting up and our readings are getting lengthy and did I mention that students KEEP DROPPING AND ADDING MY CLASS? -- it's starting to take a toll on my psyche.

To counteract the list that made me smile, here are some things that drive me fuckin' crazy...

1. THIRDeYE directors who are unprepared and who give the STUPIDEST direction (um, can you do that scene like you're underwater?) during callbacks
2. Jade, the Artistic Director of the Festival to my Assistant Artistic Director leaving call backs early TO GO TO A PARTY
3. Knowing that said party was for GRAD STUDENTS
4. Maxie having some bowel issues and the impending "joy" of bringing him to the vet
5. The fact that one CORE group member was finishing his side of things DURING our final rehearsal -- an hour before we presented it
6. None of my neighbors assisting with the trash this week
7. Not being able to keep my place clean
8. Did I mention that students are STILL dropping and adding my DRA 10 class? Two weeks in??
9. Parking in downtown Davis

As part of the reading for my Adv. Movement for Actors class we learned about a focusing exercise to help lead you to answer some troubling questions. You ask, "what is stopping my life from being absolutely perfect?" and make a list. I encourage you to try it.

Mine is above.

Choose your own adventure blog...

Oh, if only I could make that happen.

I was thinking wouldn't it be great if you got to this page and got to CHOOSE which plot line or story to follow? I don't know why that hit me today. In essence you do get that. When you come to a blog site you DO get to pick and choose. Unfortunately, that decision is based on the blog titles -- and what happens if I have a bad title day? Is that entry passed over because you thought the contents may be -- let's say -- boring.

In a sense, I am currently living my own choose your own adventure. I am being given another chance, in a way. Leave my pretty good, steady life in Atlanta and move all the way across the country to go back to SCHOOL. Am I on crack? Um, not literally, but perhaps figuratively.

Two exchanges made me think so this week.

1. Angela deemed me BRAVE for changing my life completely.
I have actually heard that a lot. However, I think the bravery is less of a factor over the reality that I was just unhappy. I just couldn't stay in a static place any longer. If that sense of being stuck on a plateau caused me to jump (or fall?) great distances even though it scared the living shit out of me, then so be it. I mean, hell, I jumped out of an airplane for my 36th birthday. So, look bucko, don't mess with me.

2. Sarah was floored when she found out that I fall DEAD CENTER on the Introvert/Extrovert scale.
Go Meyers-Briggs! Yes, folks I am not "all that" in the extrovert department. Similarly to Sarah, I am much more comfortable in smaller groups. In those smaller groups I can be gregarious, but prefer a good bit of down time or one-on-one conversation. Does that make it difficult to meet people in a college town of 40,000 where most of the grad students are directly out of undergrad? You bet your bippy. The only thing I miss from Atlanta (other than ability to get grits easily) is a circle of friends. Albeit a small group, but it look me 16 years to compile that circle and while technology is certainly on my side, there's nothing like proximity where friendship is concerned.

Hope comes out of her shell to make some friends -- page 12
Hope is frustrated with the loneliness and becomes a party girl -- page 18
Hope is swallowed whole by the world of academia -- page 23
Hope becomes undeniably happy -- page 24

The wide world of Gurning

Yesterday in my speech and voice class, we stared at ourselves in the mirror as we made interesting faces and listened to the sounds created. Melanie Julian, our instructor mentioned gurning. Yes folks, there are competitions for people making funny faces. She said that most of the people who win are missing quite a number of teeth.

Needless to say, nothing we did was quite as funny as this.

Is that applause I hear?

When I moved in my apartment I asked about the protocol of a bunch of things. Who gets to park in the spots right in front of the apartments? Who is in charge of replacing the light bulbs on the outside of the building? And what is the deal with trash pick-up?

I have been a research geek for the last few months on "all things Davis." On top of learning from a neighbor that our trash day is Monday and they come SUPER early, I also surfed the website of the city to find out the proper recycling procedures. It matters to me how the outside of the building looks. Because I rent, I have very little say about a lot. However, I can certainly keep my area clean. I had lots of boxes moving in and due to the fact that I had to flatten the boxes over the course of 2 weeks, I kind of took on the job of doing all of the trash duties. Sorting recycling, bringing all of the trash cans down to the curb on Sunday night, and hauling them back up when I return home on Monday.

In my passive-aggressiveness, I wrote a note (Alexis, don't shake your head!) and posted it by the mailboxes for all of my neighbors to see. It basically let everyone know when trash day is, and what our responsibilites are. However, I wimped at the end and said something about needing "assistance" to do this, rather than asking everyone to do their part. Last night, before sitting down for my usual Desperate Housewives/Brothers & Sisters evening, I made my way with my recycling to sort into the bins, and while I was down there rolled all of the bins down to the curb. I swore that no matter what, this was the last time I was going to take this on solo.

Much to my surprise, when I WENT to teach my first class this morning at 7:40AM, two of the three bins were already back in the corral and the third was there when I returned from my last class this evening. I did a silent cheer for my neighbors.

On a similar note, my DRA 10 - Intro to Acting class did not suck and I am on my way to inspiring the future actor/scientists or theatre-goer/donors. For that, I humbly curtsey at your feet.