yeah, thank you very much

As I sit here in my parent's house after eating left overs of eggplant parmesan, garlic broccoli and green bean casserole (with those yummy crunchy onions) I am trying yet again to gain perspective. Yesterday was not one of the most memorable Thanksgivings -- both my sister-in-law's brother and mother were sick, my parents had a silent freak-out in the kitchen because the turkey was still raw and the sweet potatoes were hard at serving time and football was the only thing showing on the television despite the fact that only 3 people (of 12) actually cared about the game.

Did I have high expectations of the day? You bet. I flew on the red-eye across the country and put on a sweater and velvet pants when most everyone wore jeans.

I love Thanksgiving and I love spending it with my family, but my new digital camera never left it's case. I was not drawn to remove it, because there were no Kodak moments. Well, there were tons of my brother and sister-in-law's nephew, Sam, but he's really not MY family. So I don't take any family pictures for Suehyla's birthday photo request. I have until Monday to photograph something I love doing right now. Maybe I won't make it.

I am also in the process of examining my last CORE devised piece. You know the one about anatomy with Zac and Sylvie? What I constantly return to is the fact that I am disappointed in how things go and how I want to take control. I write a section of the evaluation for my journal, listen to the dissatisfied tone and hit delete. Am I too picky? Do I need to lower my expections? Do I need to try harder to get things the way I want?

At the end of the evening last night, I sat with my grandmother at the dining room table. The rest of the family sat in the great room watching TV. I drank a cup of coffee and my grandmother sipped her 4th cup of tea. She also ate 2 little cupcakes and commented that she couldn't beleive she ate so much. She had no recollection of eating 2 earlier in the day with her first cup of tea. In fact she doesn't remember much. We spend lots of time repeating. However the questions change slightly. Lately she asks how work is and I mention that I'm back in school. I teach for work but I take 4 classes. When I tell her what my classes entail, she always follows up by saying, "no math?" "No grandma, no math. I did that in undergraduate. I don't have the same requirements getting my graduate degree." She told me that she asks her caregiver Herminia what day it is at least 4 times in the morning alone.

So over coffee and tea and little cupcakes I asked her about her most vivid memory. She tells me a very interesting tale that I had not heard before -- of her Aunt Becky. The gist of the story is that Aunt Becky lived with her husband and daughter and the husband started fooling around with the next door neighbor. He eventually left. My grandmother loved her Aunt Becky very much and was very appreciative of her when my grandfather was away during WWII. When I try and change subjects when it seems like this one is exhausted, I ask about her favorite vacation. She does not move on, but continues to talk about the running theme of disappointment with the women in the family. This story is occasionally broken by her dislike of her current mop, as she watches the woman my mother hired to help serve dinner mop the entry way.

Maybe my dissapointment is hereditary? Or maybe I need to stop whining and be thankful for the amazing things in my life...

* a great set of friends both new and old
* a family that loves me for me
* being healthy despite being "middle aged" as labeled by one of the health center doctors
* a great educational opportunity
* a place to share my thoughts and photos without judgement (or at least a place to comment!)