I'm a Liar

So I know I said that I would be writing every day and I just realized that I let yesterday slip. I could say that I had 2 posts on Sunday, so does that make up? Or I could just say I'm not a liar, I am an illusionist!

I start another round of teaching DRA 10 on Monday and I am a little tired of teaching A Streetcar Named Desire and The Shape of Things. Or more truthfully, I was not very successful teaching Streetcar. Maybe I'll pull it out again if I teach DRA 21 -- the intermediate acting class for majors. Hmmm, Well see. Anyway, I brought 2 Humana Festival anthologies with me on my voyage to LA and read a great play called Orange Lemon Egg Canary. I just finished it this morning. Rachel, Michele and I went to Humana that year and shared 2 professional passes. We had to take turns and each sit out for one play. That was mine. It wasn't until the second year that we realized that we could buy discounted tickets for other shows. So, I worked on Michele's lap top in the upper lounge of Actor's Theatre of Louisville while Michele and Rachel saw the show.

It's a play about a magician named Great and this new woman he meets. All of a sudden his old assistant comes into the picture and things get interesting. It's all about lies, deceit, illusion and MAGIC. There are magic tricks and stunts scattered throughout the play which I totally love. While I totally dig this play, it's a bit sexual, so I'm afraid it will be difficult for beginners to handle without laughing.

Since we don't move on to scripted plays until half-way through the course, I am not rushing this. I'll keep reading and figure it out later.

I am having a nice leisurely time in LA thus far. Tony and I pulled into town Monday night and I've been hanging with Erin and Steve. I had lunch yesterday with Jessie and Nathan Mobley and then dinner with Christine Suarez and her beau Mark. She is a choreographer in the MFA program at UCLA. And she told me last night that she's pregnant. It's super cool.

Today is kinda up in the air and tomorrow I'm supposed to see my old camp buddy, Jason Robert Brown. We leave for Mexico tomorrow night.

Yippeee!

Good News and Bad News

Well, I failed the US Immigration test on Facebook for the SECOND time. But guess what? Blogthings believes I am a great SPELLER! Maybe I should have tried to get on the stage for The 25th Annual Putnam Valley Spelling Bee...

Your Spelling is Perfect

You got 10/10 correct. Your spelling is excellent. You also have a great memory and eye for detail.

How's Your Spelling?

Perfect for a Sad Day

So, I really have started to clean my apartment, but there's nothing like wasting a little time on Facebook. And what do you know? My Beatles song which fits my life right now HAS indeed made me feel a little better.

Watch for yourself:

Hey Jude

You are a little hesitant and insecure when it comes to taking action, but the truth is you are extremely capable and full of life and hope, and are a natural leader. You are an idealist and you often wish that there was something you could do to make society a little better. Although you can be overdramatic when faced with obstacles, you have a strong support group of people who love you who will be there to set you back on your feet. Sometimes you have difficulty opening your heart and expressing your feelings because you are worried that people won't accept you, so you act nonchalant and cool. However, you are slowly learning to let people into your heart and let go of your fears.

Reality Sets in

Remember when I said that the rejection yesterday didn't bother me? Well, guess what folks...I am back to a bit of anxiety. Gosh, it's been quite a few months since I was having that emotion for days at a time. I have a feeling that this one will also stay with me. In fact, I can go so far to say that I am having a sad day. And it's only 9AM. Uh, oh.

There's a good chance that my sadness and anxiety is only coming from change and not the audition thing, but I really don't know. The Taurus in me does not like change and I feel a bit of growth again. I know that I expected this 2 year journey to be full of change, but it's not easy, folks.

I think what also makes it harder is that it's spring break and I cannot go running to my advisors or to friends that are out of town for break. I probably should take this opportunity to journal for a while and see what comes up. More than likely I will run to campus for my speakers that I left in the Firehouse, come home and play loud music while I clean up the shithole of an apartment where I live.

Ooooh, anger. Is that the next step towards recovery?

I sure hope so.

Reality Check

So, it should not be a huge surprise that my auditions did not go so well. Last night, I sang well. But did I blow them away? Um, I don't think so.

Bryan Mercer gave me a warm up CD that he liked -- actually was I supposed to copy it and return? Well, too late now. But either way the warm up was excellent and after all of that humming and buzzing I felt more confident. The name of the CD was Big Voice. And I have to say when I left my car I did indeed have a big voice. Maybe because the sound was bouncing off the surfaces of a small space, but I thought I sounded good. And I am very critical.

I do miss singing in my car. Since I rarely drive anymore I lose time that I had once used to sing or listen to taped lines. Ah, the car as studio. Maybe I should utilize the studios on campus that ARE studios. Gosh, what a concept.

So last night I sang Taylor the Latte Boy. I met with my buddy Tim last week and he encouraged me to sing it since it would probably be something the artistic director and his assistant didn't know. Well, they did know it and I had a mini freak-out as the accompanist plucked out the first note. 16 bars -- in and out. And then there was the realization that while I love this musical theatre thing -- there are so many people that do it better than me.

I wasn't going to even go to the dance call this morning. But then I thought worse case scenario I would get a good workout. There wound up being 150 people there and I have to say the average age of the auditionee was about 20! I had major swings of "Oh, my god, what the heck am I doing here. I am so old" to "Let me show these young'uns a thing or two." We started with a ballet combo and that's when the shit hit the fan. I stood by Tim's friend Jeanne because she's been cast for the last 3 years and she was probably the best dancer there. Technically strong and just performed so well. I have to say that I have that performers edge, but my technique -- or should I say my ballet technique -- just stinks.

They did the first round of cuts after the ballet section and of course my name was NOT called. I could say that I wasn't feeling well and the headache got in the way, but honestly I wouldn't have cast myself. I literally tripped over my own feet. Twice. Scarily enough, I am not the slightest bit heartbroken. Okay, maybe just a little. But really it's a little.

I just got off the phone with birthday girl Jen Denning and explained to her that while I am a good dancer and a good singer I am not GREAT. There are tons of things that I do better. And while there was a chance that I would move to NY and be a big Broadway star, there are tons of people that really dig that life. I have to say that these auditions did not excite me.

I'm reminded of a conversation I had with Margaret Baldwin early on in my decision to make a grand change. She actually encouraged me to leave acting behind. She said that I should not act because there are people that just do it better. Not that I'm bad, I have strengths elsewhere. That was hard to hear, but I wonder if it's true. She said I am a stellar administrator. And I have to add teacher to that list.

Gosh, then how the heck to I justify this MFA in Dramatic Arts with an emphasis in Acting.

Um, yikes.

Not a Good Sign

I have been in bed napping for just about 3 hours now and I just don't want to get up. Gotta love a little headache and nausea in the afternoon.

Too bad that I have my big audition for Music Circus in a few hours.

Wish me luck.

I'm gonna need it.

Out and About

Yesterday was the last day of my section of DRA 10 -- the acting class for non-major undergrads that I teach. After last quarter and all of the sarcastic sassy-pants in my class, I was fortunate to get a really good group. In fact many of them are now good friends and they hang out regularly. How cool is that?

I used A Streetcar Named Desire and The Shape of Things for their final scenes. I ask them if they have a preference and then I cast them with the best role and partner for them. I accidentally put two slackers together and needless to say, their scene was the weakest of the bunch.

For some odd reason my class is mostly guys so it made scene selection very difficult. The first flirty scene in The Shape of Things -- in the museum -- we did with 2 men. One of them was uncomfortable with the homosexuality so as they cut down their own scene they took most of that out. I do have to say it was probably the strongest scene of the day.

I saw The Shape of Things a few years ago at Emory. A group of alums and students produced it themselves. They did it outside at various locations around campus. The audience had a guide that let us from location to location. And the actors for the most part had to run around us or run ahead to get to the next location before we did. It was wild. I mentioned this to my class LAST quarter and it was one of the only times they got excited. So I decided that we would do the Streetcar scenes in our classroom with props and costumes and the Shape scenes outside. We did the same this quarter.

The first scene in the museum was done outside Mrak Hall. They used the egghead "Eye on Mrak" as the sculpture Evelyn (or in this case Alex) defaces. From there we went into the Arboretum and then did two scenes between some classroom buildings.

It was interesting to see the people around us who sometimes stopped to watch and who sometimes did not even look up from their studies.  Melanie came by to watch the scenes and we spoke after the presentation.  Since we studied these plays for 2 quarters now I am thinking it's time to change things up.  I am currently reading Boy Gets Girl, but I am not digging it.  I have a lot of reading on my plate, but I think I will take the next week or so to keep reading plays.  Ah, I have not done THAT in a while.

And now for the grading...

Update on the DL

So last night I shared a bottle of wine and a fresh salad with the Graduate Administrator in our department.  After glass 2 she opened up and told me some of the secret goings-on.  Most of it will not mean anything to most of you, but she did tell the ranking order of the Acting Professor Candidates.

Candidate 1, Candidate 4, Candidate 2 and Candidate 3.

I believe all of them are also up for other positions so who the heck knows what we will get.

Yesterday I got a call from my buddy Tim inquiring if he left his glasses in my apartment at the festivities around the last show of the quarter. "You sure did." I told him I'd keep them safe, but thought I would have a little fun and do a photo shoot modeling my "new" glasses. Randy is in the background.

In honor of St. Patrick's Day, Tony and Randy came over for a drink and then the three of us went to an undergrad techie's apartment for a party.  I played my first game of Beer Pong (also called Beirut) last night and surprisingly enough, I was not half bad.  We would have won the game if Tony did not knock the entire remaining cup on to the floor.

Um, beer pong?  Where the heck am I?

Another Day in Davis

I had another one of those days that I walked through campus to my apartment and said -- "oh my gosh, what the hell and I'm doing here." It's been a little bit, but it's comforting that I stay connected to the present. Maybe it's because I had long conversations with Angela and Suehyla in Atlanta over the last few days or maybe because I am trying to keep everything in perspective.

We are currently looking for a new Acting faculty member here in the Theatre and Dance department. They brought in 4 candidates over the last 2 weeks and we were asked to write up our opinions and send them to the head of the search committee.

Within 5 minutes of emailing the head of the search committee, I got an email message from Peter, the chair of our department. He wanted to meet. I felt like I was being called to the Principal's office. He wanted to discuss what I meant about my comments on internationalism. I have to confess it was a hard conversation and tears were shed.

I am indeed a big baby! Because you are going through similar, Trent, I think you will get a kick (or at least something) out of this.

[note: items in quotes have been changed to protect the um, innocent.]

I wrote:

"Head of Search Committee", here are my thoughts on the acting candidates. if you have any questions, please let me know.

I was not able to take "candidate #1's" workshop, so I cannot speak to her at all. However, my international comments about "candidate #3" also apply to her.

"Candidate #2"
I really like her. The connection I had with her was mostly from our lunch together. She is confident, connected and is savvy to the politics of academia. She is aware of some of the challenges of the department and is ready and able to work towards change. That excited me. Her passion about the art of theatre was evident.

The workshop, I thought was good. I was a little taken aback with her sense of nervousness at the top and the constant apologizing. We all know that an hour is a short time to get anything done, but use what time you have and move on.

I loved her use of images and gestural movement and new way to explore character. I also appreciated her handouts -- providing additional material that we can read on our own.

At lunch I learned that she has a background in Cicely Berry's voice work, but I am not sure about her acting technique experience. My guess is she showed that strength (or lack of) in the undergraduate workshop

"Candidate #3"
This one is hard because it's tainted by an extremely tense workshop. Since she is method trained and for the most part we teach Stanislavski it was very difficult to try and get the emotion first. It was interesting to try this approach since I never do it, but thinking about another year of it makes me cringe. She also used words like "right" and "wrong" which are not the most welcoming. Then again, maybe I am just a big baby.

I was also a little surprised by her constantly repeating how nervous she was. She mentioned at lunch that she was a master teacher who travels internationally. If that is the case, why the heck is she so nervous? And speaking of international, her strong dialect was hard to understand and made all levels of communication difficult. On the networking front, I am slightly concerned about the current internationality of our faculty. If I want to work in the US (which I do) I certainly don't need anymore people from oversees. While Jade, Peter & Lynette are all great contacts, most of their connections (that I can see) are out of the country.

I was not able to really learn much at lunch. She was more interested in hearing about us students than sharing more about herself. I know it's an energy thing, but I was also disappointed with her appearance in the workshop. She looks so put together in heels that I saw more of an administrator than a teacher. I know her strengths lie there which makes me question her compatibility with the students.

"Candidate #4"
I first met him in the hallway of Wright and I immediately picked up on his calm energy. First instincts yelled that this guy may just be what we need. I didn't have lunch with him, but heard some good feedback from Tim and Jesse before we went into the workshop.

I liked his workshop and thought his instructions were clear and direct. He mentioned the short time allowance but didn't belabor it and moved on. He was aware of the room and the people in it. The biggest thing is that the goal of his exercise was not clearly stated. I wish I could have gotten a little more exposition about what it COULD be. How we can apply this work to a larger project or scripted work. I know the man is a rockstar in the world of devised work, but I question his skills in technique.

Unlike "Candidate #2", I loved his ability to shed his "professional" garb and get to work. To really use his body and guide us.


Without seeing "Candidate #1", I really cannot make the most educated decision. But I liked both "Candidate #3" and "Candidate #4". The real question I have is truly what the position is. From what I can tell the department is focused on getting someone in here with devising experience. While I love that and that's one of the reasons I came here, we really need a strong technique person. I came in without much classwork. Training is not valued in Atlanta, so I knew I had travel elsewhere. I do enjoy the studies of Boal and using acting and editing in film, but got the most out of Melanie's acting class in the fall because it was so technique based. I think what this program lacks is strong work in straight technique. I can definitely see that with the undergrads. The work we did on Boal exposed me to new ways of working, but I don't think made me a stronger actor. And from what I can tell about Sara Pia's class, we will learn more about techniques of video and editing than straight acting for the camera.

I wish I could be a fly on the wall as the committee makes their decision. Again, if you have any questions or need further explanations, please let me know.

Thanks-
hope

The Return of the Regular Blog

I woke up this morning for the second time this week not able to hear out of one ear. Both times it was the left ear. Okay, last Monday it was both ears, so I am doing better, right? It's amazing how much a little hum can distract you from your duties. That and the fact that my neighbor has had the TV on for 48 hours straight that has completely affected my sleeping.

I had been knocking on so much wood during the run of Fate & Spinoza that it's only about time that I am sick. The weather is also completely screwy that my congestion should not be a surprise.

The sun is shining and it's all windy, but's colder than expected and I still have a sink, and table and counter FULL of dirty dishes from my dinner party on Friday night. I have managed to grow this pre-theatre dinner tradition with each production. It started with Tony and me at Noises Off and we then added Christine for THIRDeYE, Randy for Shadow/Light and then Tim for Nights at the Circus, the final show of the Winter quarter.

I have to say that I was very excited about Nights at the Circus and was truly disappointed with the result. The unevenness of the talent pool here is overwhelming. I don't think that it was my 2 glasses of wine and 2 shots of tequila that made the story line hard to follow. The costumes were great, but the acting was all over the place and much too complicated for what it needed to be.

The basic story is about this winged orphan girl who is found at a whore house. They take her in and she winds up as the star of a burlesque act. It takes place in London, so for the dinner I served bubble & squeak and yes, you guessed it chicken wings. I also dipped into my CSA box and made a fresh salad and found some frozen little spinach & artichoke "purses" to compliment our sparkling wine at the start of the meal.

After the show we abandoned even going the department party in the Arena and returned to my house. Melanie joined us from the theatre and Randy's girlfriend, Kati completed the group after she got off work. Tony grabbed some more Negro Modelo at the Fast & Easy mart and before I knew it the wine and the bottle of vodka in my freezer were tapped. I reheated the left over chicken wings and kept refilling the pistachio bowl. A good time was had by all.

I woke up the following morning with my Dad calling to talk about the tornado in Atlanta. Um, what??!!! I have somehow managed to return to my complete lack of keeping up with the "real world" while in school. I do get a daily email from The New York Times, but I rarely read it. Sad.

Anyway, the tornado went through downtown Atlanta and I have a few friends that live close by. I got an update from Angela yesterday afternoon on my way to Sacramento to see The 25th Annual Putnam Valley Spelling Bee. Destruction was great and at least 14 people in her loft complex were injured. The buildings were evacuated and Angela and Chris are now staying with their friend Tracy. I did a bit of online research last night after seeing Dr. Seuss' Horton Hears a Who with Kristin -- and Angela and Chris' complex was mentioned in a CNN story. So sad. I need to call Celeste Miller to see how her place weathered the storm. I'm sure the clean up is going hard and strong.

I will add it to my list of today's duties of washing more dishes, doing some more grading for my DRA 10 class, perhaps taking a noon core fitness class and hopefully ending my day with a mani/pedi.

Mama also needs a little clean up.

More On Baited Breath

So, I finally have a good amount to discuss. At the end of the quarter there's a ton of reflecting and since I am 1/3 of the way through this crazy academic journey, I am finally realizing who I am as an artist and more importantly as a person. What do I value? What are my aesthetics and who are the people I MUST have around me?

However, I am out of clean pants -- and just about out of underwear -- so I must hop off to the laundromat.

More later.

I promise, Trent!

Can I get a Show of Hands?

Who is reading this crazy drivel anyway?

A Free Day?!! No way.

Actually, yes way. Wow, do I feel like I'm back in grade school.

I have pretty much been living day to day here in Davis. This makes keeping up with assignments on the difficult side, but as we approach the end of the quarter and the second weekend of Fate & Spinoza, that's about all I can do. That and the fact that I am knocking on every piece of wood in sight to keep my sore throat from jumping ship and running into my chest or head. Now, that would be bad.

Against better judgement I got in my car and met Tony, Tim, Randy, Kati and one of their friends out at Sudwerk's after the show last night. Christine drove me home from the theater and unlike the night before I did put my jacket back on and went out for a beer. It was a nice detox full of laughs, venting and stares at some of the scantily clad co-eds at a party in the back of the restaurant. We ended the evening with the plan to gather today, eat pancakes and watch movies.

I got up this morning at 6:30AM to feed the cats and quickly got back in bed. My throat was worse than the day before. I finally got up around 11AM and equally dreaded and anticipated Randy's phone call to plan today. While a day of lounging with others would have been great, I cannot tell you how great it was to hang in bed checking email, sit outside on the patio grading papers and make a big pot of lima bean soup.

When my parents visited last weekend we also bought a few plants at the farmer's market. I finally planted them today. Here's a bit of before and after.

Gosh, doesn't my back yard look depressing?  At least I got to open the screen door for the day. And the make over begins!

Ah, the sad "before" bed.  The pansies have long since died.  And the weeds are back!

And of course, Maxie had to get into the act.  Waiting by the screen door.

And after.  One of the flowering plants with the sad-looking cilantro behind it.  I'm sure it will perk up now that it's finally been watered.

Here's the main bed.  I supplemented the red plant in the middle with two other flowering plants on either side.

And here's the back patio from my side looking towards my neighbor's side.  He came out while I was grading papers to play darts and kick the soccer ball around for a few minutes before heading back inside.

I can't wait to share the pics from the dinner party I have planned for the opening of Nights at the Circus on Friday. Alfresco, baby!  The play is a gritty one about a winged woman who leaves the brothel she was raised in to join the circus.  It follows her and the men that pursue her.  Maybe we'll all show some skin...

Tee hee your epiduris is showing.

Facebook takes over

I wonder if my life would be different if I wasn't on a college campus. Okay, let me clarify. I wonder if my life IN REGARDS TO FACEBOOK would be different if I was not getting my MFA right now. And surrounded by people who communicate primarily through Facebook.

So, instead of my more regular Blogthings survey. Here's one from...you guessed it. Facebook.

Which Jane Austen Heroine Are You?

Elizabeth Bennet

You are memorable, lovely and clever, the life of the party... you always have the perfect thing to say in every situation. Your honesty, virtue, and lively wit enable you to rise above the nonsense and bad behavior that pervade your money-seeking and often spiteful society. Nevertheless, your sharp tongue and tendency to make hasty judgments often lead you astray... if not careful, you can display qualities that you despise - pride and prejudice. But if you can get past negative first impressions, your life and love story will be epic!!!