Doctor My Eyes

Well it's not so serious, but my eyes hurt. This quarter has been a little butt kicker largely because of the lack of structure. However Nest rehearsals have been pretty kooky. We opened last Friday, but had a REHEARSAL on Tuesday. We filmed the show for archival purposes last night and once we got to the final movement of the show (there are 16 scenes and what the playwright Bash calls 3 Movements) I literally leaned against the back wall and shut my eyes. It was a nice little release for them.

Speaking of hurting, my right calf now has a bit of discomfort. This is the exact spot that strained in 2005 during Women and War, but it's on the OTHER leg. I am trying not to freak out and elevated it when I got home and put a bag of frozen peas and carrots right below by gastrocnemius while I sat on the couch last night wasting time on facebook.
I just reviewed my to-do list below and there has not been much progress. I did pass the Alice in Wonderland stuff on to Tim, but nothing new with hip hop. And there should be a little movement on this especially since yesterday I received a request to teach a second section for BOTH summer sessions.

Gosh, I am going to be in freaky good shape!

As part of our final CORE project on identity, we decided to take Annie Leibowitz inspired photos. My initial thought was to dress as a rockstar, but I realized that did not feel right. I called Angela and she said I need to be in motion and it should be my full body. With my love for getting dirty and my love for the water, I decided to do the photoshoot in a shallow fountain right outside the Davis Humanities Institute. You cannot see, but it's in a beautiful courtyard. This is not the selected shot, but one that my buddy Tony liked the best. Moments before I said that I just peed in the fountain. Needless to say, I did not, but the moment was very funny. And it took a minute or so for all of us to recover. Oooh, maybe I can put this in my thesis on comedy...

Day Off

I cannot believe I have not posted since Tuesday. Well, I can believe it since we were on a race to the finish to open Nest and then my parents came to town on Thursday. We opened the show on Friday and now that I dropped by parents at the airport super early this morning, I can relax on the couch and eat a bowl of cereal.

It's amazing how I revert to being a child in their presence. Sometimes I fight back and hold my mature independent ground and other times it's just easier to let them take over. Last night we went to dinner at a beautiful restaurant in Sausalito. My father connected with an old friend he hadn't seen in 43 years. I cannot remember if Lionel and Gloria asked about me or my parents suggested that I tell them about what I'm doing, but within moments I heard my parents tag-team the story for me. And better yet, they did so in THIRD PERSON. Like I was not even there. I smiled and nodded and took sips of my soda water. I soon switched to a local Sauvignon Blanc which made the event easier to take.

My dad had since finished his vodka on the rocks and Gloria decided it would be better to order a bottle of the Pino Grigio that both she and my mother were drinking. Lionel joined me in the club soda and was pretty quiet next to his very gregarious wife. There were a few little images of double dates in old cars and trips to White Castle. But I'd thought there would be more.

At the end of the evening, we said our goodbyes as the valet brought the car around. I was the first to stop drinking and was prepared to make the long drive back to Davis. My dad got in the front passenger seat and was crying. I cannot remember the last time I saw that -- or honestly if I ever saw that at all.

As he said farewell, Lionel mentioned to my father that he needs a new liver. This of course got my dad thinking about mortality and just how lucky he is. In the car, he briefly spoke about how Lionel used to be and was surprised to see him so mellow. This then led into more nostalgia and the story of how my dad proposed to my mother. It amazed me that the story was full of comments like "I don't remember."

As I sit here on this Memorial Day -- I really want to just sit. Or perhaps lie in the grass. But alas this day off must be a catch up day.

MUST DO TODAY
-- integrate DRA 141 Syllabus and Course Calendar for 4PM meeting with Barbara
-- catch up on DRA 10 grading

TO-DO LIST
-- cut Mock Turtle Story for Tuesday's CORE class
-- write thesis proposal on comedy
-- choreograph "lobster quadrille'
-- go over lines for Nest for Tuesday's pick-up rehearsal
-- research hip hop classes
-- meet with hip hop expert on campus
-- schedule last of Dada meetings (art history, german, french)

Confusion is not an Objective

Yesterday in DRA 10 we rehearsed one of the scenes from Proof and when I asked Nini her objective she said she was confused. That's when I shouted today's title. "Confusion is not an Objective." My class is having a hard time thinking actively. It's very odd since they are completely present and active in improvs, but once scripted text is added they freeze up.

I have no problem with activity right now. With Measure for Measure opening last week and Nest opening on Friday, my parents arriving on Thursday and all of my classwork, my brain and body are in a constant state of motion. Our department is such in a state of flux that we our all unsettled. There is never complete rest.

I could fill you in on all of that bullshit, but I prefer to share a bit of positive success.

So, as you know I have been working since fall on the movement style of languid. Barbara commented in our first movement class that I was very angular -- or in Laban terms I was strong and direct. She also noticed that I never move on the diagonal. Since then I have made deliberate strides to lighten my angles and work on different planes. She charged me to play with Languid in our first observation assignment and I watched some clips of Jessica Lange. I also did a short movement sequence or "day in the life" if you will.

This quarter we had to pick a monologue and play with movement that was very different than our own. When I asked Barbara for suggestion she wanted to me to continue with Languid. I picked a monologue from Ellen McLaughlin's Helen and added a movement score. I was very dance-y but very sensual. When I showed the class, Sara said that she felt like she was watching someone else. Since we are playing more with Laban this quarter, as an exercise I had to do all of my movement/blocking in the opposite style from what I created. So since my movements were all sustained and light, I had to make them sudden and heavy. For some reason I kept the directness, so I had to play with INdirect. The lovely caress of my hand on my face became these weird slaps. It really shook things up and became comical. However, I was now outside of my body and into my head. Since I had to think about each gesture and then figure out how to endow it with opposite qualities. But it got me thinking in new ways.

The third time though Barbara asked me to think about where my movement initiates from. When I (as Helen) leaned forward to talk to Io my pelvis tilted down and the energy traveled to my chest before I spoke. All of a sudden I was back in my body and the gestures were more realistic and less dance-like. I have to say it was impressive and that no one wanted to show their monologue next. We spent the rest of the class talking about how movement can/should stay within the body and not go to the head. It was an interesting conversation, but I think my classmates were just nervous about showing theirs.

In all actuality I really didn't care. I mean, I was languid.

Pampered Toes

On Friday, Kristin and I went to get mani/pedis and our brows waxed. I was way overdue and felt much better after a little me time. I also decided to splurge and get pretty little flowers painted on both of my big toes. Since I never take my shoes off in the show, I thought I was home-free.

As I washed my legs in Scene 13 of Nest during today's tech, all of a sudden Irina said, "what are you doing, you need to take off your shoes." I groaned in disappointment and then took them off. Okay, maybe I did a little more than groan. I think I may have shouted, no! Kristin laughed because she did indeed "call it." She knew that Irina would change her mind and at one point in the show, I would have to be barefoot. Either way, I now have to remove the polish.

I know it's an odd photo, but I just don't have the patience to do more of a photo shoot with my laptop and photobooth. But I do want to share the prettiness that are my toes.

For tomorrow it will be gone.


Or maybe I can wait until Tuesday...

Decisions, decisions...

As I say that phrase, an image of a board game from my childhood comes to me. Perhaps from a TV commercial, but I just can't place it.

Anyway, about those crazy decisions, I am starting to make some.

I hear the applause, and I graciously take a bow.

Thank you.

So, I met with Jade this afternoon after my frustrations at the Bike Barn and picking up my bike. I tried to get out of taking her acting class in the fall because it conflicts with Lynette's DRA 200 class - Methods and Materials in Theatre Research. Jade was disturbed about the conflict, but basically said that DRA 221 - her Body Energy Centres class is a requirement and the 200 class is an elective.

I did let her know that I would prefer to switch advisors to the incoming acting faculty member coming in -- Bella Merlin. Surprisingly enough she was okay with that.

Am I Done Yet?

Simply -- no.

I started my day when my alarm rang at 6AM and I have been going non-stop since.
8AM - teach DRA 10
10AM - Barbara's movement class
12PM - Melanie's voice group study
*1PM meeting with Barbara*
2:10PM - Sara Pia's acting for the camera
*5PM - meeting with Matthias in art department*
6PM - Nest rehearsal

As you can see, I stupidly scheduled meeting during my two breaks today. What was I thinking????!!!!

It's 5:50PM and I have rehearsal until 11. Then I will arrive home and crash.

The good news is that I spoke with someone in the art department this afternoon about dada and he is interested. There's a good chance I can get a few professors to create assignments around my needs. Bad news is that during my meeting with Barbara today she shared the news that it's looking less and less likely that I will get to teach DRA 141 next year. Apparently there is a PhD student that graduated from the MFA section a few years back that Lynette wants to teach the course instead of me. Barbara was fuming.

I am just about done with my syllabus and course calendar, so either way that's exciting.

Now, I just have to get truckin' on my thesis...

Catch up

I am again in bed with Maxie by my side. I don't have to be at my final costume fitting until 10AM, but for some reason I did not turn off my alarm and it went off at 6AM. I was going to reset it, but I lied there for about 30 minutes and then got up to feed the cats. I got back into bed with the Netflix movie, Kolya, that's been on my shelf for about a month now.

Maybe it's been more than a month.

I really need to cancel that subscription, but I'm sure I'll need it come summer. I found out yesterday that my main partner in crime, Tony will be away for the summer working in LA and SF. I will be in Davis all summer, but hope to take little excursions or perhaps take a workshop or two.

I was offered the Teen Shakespeare Workshop in Winters job yesterday. I need to let the university know since they are waiting on me to decide if I'm teaching for the first summer session. I needed to supplement my income since the salary offered was less than the quoted amount. Elio (who's in the cast of Nest) said that he was going to sign up for the Hip Hop class during first session, but it was full. I was floored to see 57 people on the roster online. Yikes. Many of them are on the wait list, but I am not sure how large this class is. It makes the idea of doing any academic assignment daunting.

But back to the film idea.

It's amazing how my focus has shifted towards the editing of films and TV shows now that I have to do that in class. I am working with Jessica, one of the undergrads (who is also in Nest) on this project. I honestly thought that I would lead the editing, but she's much better at it than I am. She really has an eye for the editing thing. It seems that I have the eye of a director. I let her know what I'm thinking and she creates it. She also has quite a lot of cool ideas on her own. I am thrilled.

As we (wow, did I just say "we?) near the end of my first year, I am starting to freak a bit about the thesis. I really don't know how to start. I have ideas, but nothing (other than my Dada project) that sounds like it could be an exploration.

I think I should get up, shower, grab some breakfast and head into the department. I should have time before my fitting to stir up some trouble. I mean, ask for assistance.

*smile*

um................................................

i sit here on my bed with maxie curled up at the foot. my back door is open and there's a nice breeze. barbara's out of town so there was no class. therefore i have a nice break in between teaching DRA 10 and voice with melanie. but as i sit here, my thoughts are not so interesting.

or at least they are not interesting enough to share.

um, boring is what i'm thinking.

to keep you in the know we did a run-through of nest last night, but still have not finished the show. one of my dancers got injured during the run of measure for measure yesterday. i'm excited about working on the blooper reel in our film class. since i'm off from rehearsal tonight i may grab dinner if people are around. if not i may take myself on a date.

sitting on the bed
in the meantime, i'm hungry.
off to get some pho.

Reflections of

Just as there’s reflection at Rosh Hashana and the western New Year, there also seems to be reflection today – the day I add another year to the abacus. I have to say that I’m kinda tired of this reflection thing. Maybe this time back in school allows time for a little mediation and reflection, but sometimes I just want to be -- rather than think about where I am. Or in actuality maybe I just want someone to tell me what I should do with the rest of my life. When I spoke with my father the other day on the phone I got that dreaded question – what are you going to do when you graduate?

I hate that question.

So, I gave my dad the usual response – I may apply for a faculty position, I may stay in the Bay Area and perform, I may try and get a job within a theatre company. And then I added one more – maybe I’ll become a beach bum.

My dad liked that.

I went to bed last night a little sad. There’s sometimes a little disconnect about what I hoped would happen with my life and what the reality is. When I was young, I didn’t think I would be at such flux in my life right now. But when I woke this morning with the sun shining and 80s music on my clock radio, I smiled at the possibilities. How exciting is it to have a chance to completely change my life? I like to go back to the comment of being brave.

Being brave is so much stronger than being old and alone.

So after a lovely morning on Lynne and Bill’s boat with Tony, I spend the rest of the day in rehearsal.

I hear that at Sophia’s they give you a free shot on your birthday. A nice way to end the day, non?

It's Better to Look Good than to Feel Good

I started this entry with a photograph. I'm sitting on the couch and Lincoln came by for some lovin' as I opened blogger. I have to say that it's a pretty picture. Or at least I look pretty good. Which is rare of me to say. The odd thing is that I am feeling pretty terrible right now. My nose is like a faucet, my eyes hurt and my throat is kinda raw. I can just hear Billy Crystal on Saturday Night Live as Fernando Lamas.

I may look MAHvelous, but I feel like poop.

My schedule and the weather have beaten me to the ground. I am glad that I have taken on two productions this quarter, but I have very little down time. I tried to drop my Independent Study with Barbara, but she is now pushing pretty hard for me to teach DRA 141 -- Fundamentals of Movement next year. It's pretty much unheard of to have a student teach an upper division undergrad class, so I am scrambling to create a syllabus and reading list. I did a search online this morning and contacted my dance teachers at Emory this morning for syllabi ideas. The goal of the work with Barbara was to create a syllabus by the end of this quarter. Now I have to whip one out of my butt in the next day or so. And did I mention Barbara is out of town??!!

In terms of the weather, we are reaching highs of 80, but it's pretty cool in the mornings. I am doing the layered clothing thing, but in and out of doors with full sun and air conditioning are not the best for me -- the petite flower. Or should I say, aging flower?

As I am on the cusp of yet another birthday, I am back to feeling old. I know I don't look my age -- and I certainly don't act it -- most of the time. But with my knees hurting and my boobs just about reaching my knees, I certainly feel it.

There's that feeling again.

Poop.

Apple Z

Also known as UNDO in many an urban dictionary.  I love in the world of my mac that I can press just two key strokes to go back one step.  I'm sure there was a movie made that used that device, but it's nice to have.

In Sara Pia's acting class we are editing the scenes we shot 2 weeks ago.  Since I never did this type of work before it's hugely challenging.  However I know that if I make a grave error I can also do my little Apple Z.  And bam!  Mistake gone.

On that same note, I also find that I go back and re-read my blog entries and catch some errors.  I wonder if any of you happen to read one of the entries as I am working on it.  I typically post my entries when they are not quite done and then go back and make some edits or post pictures.  Sometimes I add or remove entire paragraphs which change the tone or facts of the complete story.

I also have to say that I am completely open to feedback.  Say I misspell a word or make a grammatical error.  Just let me know.  The perfectionist in me would appreciate that.

The Truth About Cinco de Mayo

Okay folks, I believe it's time again for a little education. As we get our margarita and guacamole ready for tomorrow's festivities, I think we really need to know what the heck we're celebrating.

I could say that I would like a huzzah for having a night off from rehearsal, however I just got a call from Randy and when he realized that we are dark from Nest rehearsal tomorrow, he is trying to schedule a dance rehearsal for Measure for Measure. I told him that I would give him one hour.

I did find out that my dance captain has YET ANOTHER CONFLICT so I have to ask one of the other dancers to share the duty with her. Anyway, I don't want to spoil the party.

Tony is throwing a party called There Will Be Shots. I am a little afraid -- and I wonder if I will spend the night on his couch.

Props to the San Francisco Chronicle who set me straight...

Cinco de Mayo is not a Mexican Fourth of July, and it's not "Drinko de Mayo," as the beer companies have tried to fashion it. In fact it celebrates the Battle of Puebla on May 5, 1862, when a ragtag Mexican army fought off an attack by the larger and better-equipped French force sent by Emperor Napoleon III to conquer Mexico.

The French, along with Spanish and English troops, had invaded Mexico in 1861 after Mexican President Benito Juarez declared he was suspending payment on the country's foreign debts. The Spanish and English withdrew after negotiating settlement of the debt. But Napoleon, hoping to gain a foothold in the Americas to counter the growing power of the United States, ordered his troops to attack.

A True Sun-day

Today is one of those perfect days. A morning that's a little lazy and full of some yummy dim sum with Jeanne, one of Tim's friends that I am taking on myself. It was oddly exciting to venture to a new part of Sacramento. I must continue to make discoveries so I don't wind up running out of time like I did at the end of my tenure in Atlanta. I must start my things to do around NoCal list. Especially since I will have a good amount of free time this summer. Anyone want to visit?

The weather is great today -- sunny and 70. And after a Target run where I spent too much money I find that I have just over an hour before rehearsal.

Here's to new adventures, my new sunglasses and yes, a little sitting in the sun.

Life on a Sundeck -- in the middle of the ocean

Some days it feels like all is well and things are going along swimmingly. I am on a wide deck lying in the sun. There is a slight breeze and I could not be happier. Then I open my eyes and realize that I am in the middle of the vast ocean by myself and there's no one around for miles and miles. I stand there completely alone and disorientated.

Sometimes I like to think of this as a reality check and others a time of growth. In actuality there's a boat just around the corner from my little sundeck to rescue me, but at first glance I am off my center and potentially angry.

On Thursday in Jade's CORE class she proposed we do an exercise to go along with ideas around identity. She thought it would be a good idea to take mini-post it notes and write labels for each of our classmates. Then we would stick them to the respective backs. So we could be honest and the recipient would not know who said what. That immediately put up red flags and there was a negative verbal response -- it came mostly from Patricia and Rebecca, but Tim soon followed. We figured that everyone would be nice and not truthful. We eventually decided to write 2 notes for each person in the class and put them all on a big table. Then in turn we would go up to said table and pick out 4 that we thought were meant for us.

I pulled 6. They are:

artist
mature
cook
obedient
organised
silly

After looking at "busy body" and asking Nancy if she thought that was for me -- she just looked at me and tilted her head. I started thinking, but left it there on the table. After we read our lists to the class, I put "cook" back and picked up "busy body" I could not think of another person in the class that could have taken that distinction. Perhaps Lynne, but I am not sure. So, in the effort of being honest with myself. Tony said that it was my own opinion of myself and not of others, but it made me think. And all of a sudden I was alone. Maybe I am a pain in the ass and people are disturbed that I butt into their business. It knocked me off my center. And now I have the desire to be more quiet.

After playing with that list I really looked at each of the labels. Artist was probably not meant for me, but Wenting, and Mature was either for Nancy of Lynne. Cook was probably me, but I am not sure about Obedient. All of this made me question who I am and even after the objection to having our classmates post on our backs, I had a huge desire to find out which labels were actually meant for me.

That evening I was in Nest rehearsal and Irina again pushed me off my center. She asked me to do my only large monologue keeping in mind different concepts. She forced me to put the script down and really play. I was hugely resistant at first, but eventually I was able to get out of my head and really stretch the text. It was exciting and freeing. Shortly after I went to the U-Club and had a 2 hour dance rehearsal for Measure for Measure. It's great being in a room with people who love what they're doing. They are so positive and follow instructions. The level of talent is mixed, which makes it hard, but they are welcome to the gentle (or not so gentle) pushes and are appreciative of my support and choreography.

I wish to grab some sun on the grass before our Nest line through tomorrow. But after a morning of dim sum with Jeanne and another line cramming session, I doubt that will be possible.

Poops!

Part 2 - Outburst

I have a tendency to make long stories longer. Maybe it's my love and talent for story telling. Maybe it's because there is sometimes a certain amount of emotion that needs to come out through a story. I didn't mean to share the story about blowing up at Patricia to many people, but I told it to Christine when she spent the night on my couch last Saturday, with glass of wne in hand, and she was completely engaged.

To make a long story short, we did complete our presentation with no great hoopla. We sat around one of the long 7 feet tables with our laptops open -- talking, playing music and making a strawberry shortcake. I beat the cream, Patricia washed and cut the strawberries and Zac, in usual fashion, sat their like a lump answering questions and followed instructions. He did slice the pound cake and help put the strawberries on the cake. He also gave me a clean plate to serve each piece of the dessert to our classmates. But still -- lump.

The class watched us proscenium style. I hoped that the class would walk around us, but Patricia started setting seats out on one side of us. As Lynne said it was like watching through a fish bowl. All was peaceful until Jade broke the 4th wall and asked if I needed any help. It was completely disorientating to hear it and then the rest of the class was more verbal. Mostly about making lip smacking sounds in anticipation of eating the cake.

It's now Thursday -- a week later -- and Patricia and I have shared a few emails and been cordial in class, but we have not talked about the incident. There is a sense of dread as we move into our final project. A group piece on identity created by all 9 of us. Yikes! Needless to say we are dreading this. When I spoke with Nancy in rehearsal last night (she came in to watch and do some figure sketches) she said she just wanted to get through this quarter without killing anyone. I am in the same boat.

I am back to a messy apartment and things are trucking along in both rehearsals. I did watch an episode of Grey's Anatomy online last night instead of going to sleep. I hope I didn't make a grave error. We all know that if that is the case, it will not be the last. I do need lots of energy today. And the coffee trick is starting to wear thin. But I hope to be productive enough this morning to allow me to take a break and grab lunch with Tony before CORE.

For those keeping track at home, here's my updated to-do list:

MUST HAPPEN TODAY:
-- finish choreography for They Way We Get By for tonight's Measure for Measure rehearsal
-- memorize Scenes 13 for tonight's Nest rehearsal
-- swing by costume shop so they can get one last measurement for my almost completed corset

AND THE LIST IN GENERAL:
-- observe someone either live or on film with languid qualities
-- read After the War by Philip Kan Gotanda for CORE class
-- schedule time with Mindy Cooper to talk about performing in Oklahoma next year
-- work on Helen monologue for Movement on Monday
-- continue learning lines for NEST
-- schedule brow waxing
--send CV to Barbara for her to push the case to allow me to teach DRA 141 next year
-- schedule dada participation and funding meetings
-- watch Final Cut Pro video for Acting class in prep to edit my movie