Emotional Mess

My freak outs have turned in the last day or so. They are now bordering on emotional messes. I have a build up of anxiety and start sobbing. I am currently in one of those as I type. I do see the light at the end of the tunnel, but there's still lots to do. I really should just take a quick nap to maybe ease the emotion, since I have not been sleeping well.

I did just check the early blog entries to see if I experienced similar emotions upon leaving Atlanta and it does not seem that I did. There is this entry which seems to be the closest to the barometer of my mental state, but honestly I cannot remember. I do remember crying on that last day as Jennifer Levison drove me to meet my mother at the airport. I also remember being a mess as I was deciding to step down from Synchronicity. But honestly, my departure was long. I had time to plan, knew where I was going and where my money was coming from and had an apartment in Davis super early.

I think the anxiety here comes from the unknown and the fact that I am moving so fast. Paying lots to rent a small apartment THAT I GOT 2 DAYS AGO (just over a WEEK from my move date) without any source of income. There's still the trepidation of disliking NYC 20 years ago before moving to Atlanta. I was just unhappy. And while I'll be closer to my family, that didn't help me then.

A few people have said that I am making a great decision - and they can only see happiness for me.

I certainly hope so.

Gratitudes:
1. bits of sun
2. snuggly kitties
3. having an apartment in NY
4. a nice farewell from the catering set
5. yeah, that's all I got.

Pack it Out!

So the movers came this morning and my major belongings are out of my apartment. There was room, so I sent my armoire and night stand. I made the mistake of watching part of the Oscars prior to the guys arriving. If I was not already emotional, the epic music and oscar moment totally got me. I mean, I was already primed, but still.

The move went well. Four guys showed up and hauled my shit outta here. There were nice and experienced and then I paid them. I am now sitting in a mess of things I will bring on the plane and stuff I will be selling or giving away. It's a little daunting, but I have 6 days to finish it before I leave this little hobbit hole for good. I just tried to take a photo, but the battery is dead on my camera and I cannot find the charger.

I finally sat and ate some leftover thai noodles and will now head out to deal with printing, signing a lease, getting certified checks. I am dragging my feet a bit, but I know it will be easy, peasy.

I am looking forward to the little gathering tonight with some of the catering gang, plus Tony and Randy. Needless to say, I need a little cocktail to say the least.

Woot!

Anxiety Attack of the Move

I really do think the worst of it is over. I had today and much of tomorrow to get all of my belongings boxed up, however the moving company called around 4PM and asked if I would mind moving the pick up to 10AM instead of the scheduled window of 1-4PM. Being the martyr that I am, I hemmed and hawed but finally agreed. I started getting an anxiety attach so, I then called back to try and take it back, but no go.

With all of the energy I could muster I spent the day packing. I don't remember eating much and I now know what dehydration feels like. It's not like I didn't want to take a break, there was just no desire. There was too much to do.

I live in a super small apartment so it's a challenge to get around and pack and sort. I am beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I have lots to do before I'm done.

1. Get more boxes and some packing tape
2. Finish getting clothes and kitchen items in boxes
3. Sell my furniture
4. Bring my donation items - or schedule a pick up
5. Clean out my car
6. Get my car smogged

I think I will hit the hay and wake up early, refreshed.

Gratitudes:
1. Ayla and Angela for listening to me freak out and talking me down
2. laundry in my building
3. take-out food close by
4. neighbors who don't complain with me leaving furniture and boxes out in the hallway
5. My sister-in-law who agreed to be my guarantor for my NY apartment even though I didn't need it.

T-minus 8 Days!

I head on a plane headed East a week from tomorrow. I have had numerous little freak outs, but there has been lots of progress.

1. I have an apartment. I will be living on the border of Hamilton Heights and Washington Heights on the Upper, Upper West Side of Manhattan. I certainly feel at ease, but not the elation I had when I got approved for the Inwood unit.
2. I sold my car. I got $750 less my asking price. Transfer happens on Thursday.
3. I sold one bookshelf last night and one should go today. Bethany decided not to take my sofa bed, so I put that up on Craigslist just now. Along with the couch, I have my armoire, night table and coffee table that still need good homes.
4. Packing is coming along. Slowly but surely. The movers will be here tomorrow between 1 and 4PM, so I have 24 hours to get my ass in gear and my stuff in boxes.

I have continued to apply for jobs, but my energy has been elsewhere - or just scattered. The trip to Yosemite was great and now I really have to keep moving.

Literally!

Tales from Yosemite

I am trying to tackle a number of Bay Area things before I head out in just over a week. I still do not have an apartment, but will put in an application tomorrow for a unit on W. 156th Street.

I played hooky again over the weekend and went to Yosemite with Randy. We left super early on Saturday and got back this afternoon. It was a whirlwind tour of hiking, laughter and lots of muscle soreness. We checked into the hotel in Mariposa around 10:30AM and then drove to Yosemite.

We parked at the Visitors Center around noon and walked around the little village before hopping on the shuttle bus with our trusty map and some recommendations. The guide in the center suggested we take the The Mist Trail. After a pit stop, we hit the trail around 1PM.

Here's the description from the website (edited):

Distance: 3 miles (4.8 km) round trip to Vernal Fall, 7 miles (11 km) round trip to Nevada Fall. 

Elevation at trailhead: 4,000 feet (1,200 meters) Elevation Gain: 1,000 feet (300 meters) to top of Vernal Fall; 1,900 feet (580 meters) to top of Nevada Fall

Why Hike the Mist Trail?
This is Yosemite's signature hike. While many of Yosemite's trails are popular due to having a single spectacular destination, the Mist Trail has fabulous views scattered all along it, beginning at the bridge overlook, progressing to two unforgettable waterfalls that fall a combined total of more than 900 feet (270 meters), and ending with perhaps the most striking of all: the view of Nevada Fall, Liberty Cap, and the back of Half Dome from the Muir Trail return segment. 

Hiking Time: 2 - 5 hours, depending on how far you go

Scenery Factor: Sublime. You can get covered-with-spray close to two of Yosemite's rock-star waterfalls, and the view looking back from the Muir Trail is just as remarkable as the trail up the falls. 

Crowd Factor: Heavy to the top of Vernal Fall, especially when the water is high. The crowds thin out considerably if you continue to the top of Nevada Fall, although several trails intersect at the top of this fall, so you won't be alone there.

Difficulty: Medium, but bordering strenuous if you go all the way to the top of Nevada Fall. The stretches beside Vernal and Nevada Falls are both quite steep - in fact, the last few hundred meters up the Vernal Falls trail are stairs cut into the cliffside. If you need a gentler workout, you can just proceed as far as the bridge looking upstream to Vernal Fall without exerting yourself quite so much.

The guide actually suggested The Mist Trail AND THEN an easier hike afterwards. We planned to do this and then come back to the park the following day for a 6-8 hour strenuous hike.

Yeah, that did not happen...

We were such shutter bugs that we went fairly slow up to Vernal Fall. Then I was just plain slow. We kept an eye on the time since we knew that sun set was at 5:48PM. Never in a millions years would we have thought the hike would have taken us OVER 5 HOURS! We stopped a few times, but the stretch between Vernal and Nevada Falls was a killer. I was sweaty and hot, but when I eased the pace, I got super cold. I think I said "Damn!" about 5 times as I huffed and puffed up the steep rock. In fact, I don't have any photos once it got more difficult. We reached the top of Nevada Fall around 4:30PM and while I wanted to hang up there, we had time for an apple and some chocolate before we bundled up for our haul back.

There were two times that we got turned around, but the second is what cost us. We accidentally took the longer Winter Route back down once we crossed the bridge close to Vernal Fall. This lead us over a huge icy patch and up into the mountain. I told Randy that it didn't look familiar, but we kept going. Once we realized where we were, we decided to try the new path. As the sun was starting to set, we realized there was a good chance that we would lose the light. It would be safer for us to take a route we knew rather than following something unknown. So, we picked up the pace and headed back down the mountain. I slipped twice, but luckily my bruises were minimal. I was starting to get super nervous and didn't want to move too fast for fear of tripping and falling or hurting my ankle.

We got back on the known path around 5:45PM and then the truckin' started. Luckily, we had enough light to make it down the more treacherous stair sections around Vernal Fall, but once we crossed the first bridge overlook it was pretty much dark. We could see the light of the moon a bit and then we had to use the Flashlight app on Randy's iphone.

There were a few times were we saw something in our path - not knowing if it was a rock, a stump or a sleeping cub. With walking sticks in hand, we kept moving. Luckily by the time the sun completely set we were on the paved part of the trail. Adrenaline was flowing and we were moving at a crisp pace. We thought the last shuttle was at 7PM and we certainly didn't want t miss it. We wound up getting to the stop at 6:30PM and were elated that we got there in one piece and full of a sense of accomplishment. My sweaty shirt was getting colder by the minute and with shaky legs, we eventually boarded the bus back to the parking area. Again Randy's flashlight came in handy for it was pitch black leading from the road into the parking lot. However, that opened our eyes to the most amazing sky.

Truly.

I don't remember the last time I was able to see that many stars. The constellations were so clear, so vibrant.

We ate lots at a diner in Mariposa and I had a celebratory beer.

Lots to be grateful for:
1. time for a road trip
2. living in a beautiful country - and a beautiful part of the country
3. my car
4. a great travel buddy
5. chocolate

Overwhelmed

Not too much more to report. Things are coming along on all fronts. Offer on the car and some potential apartments but nothing settled yet. I took yesterday morning off. I was supposed to go to Alcatraz with Ayla, but tickets were sold out. Instead we took one of the City Guide walking tours of North Beach. It was the Tastes and Tales of North Beach and while there were WAY too many people, it was still enjoyable. We continued the "person of leisure" day by stopping at one of the many outdoor cafes on Columbus to have a beer and some fried calamari. It was a well needed break from the craziness.

When I got to my restaurant shift last night, all of the ease I found during the day quickly faded. It was a trying shift and it makes me realize why I don't normally do restaurant work. It sucked.

But the sun is shining today again and I work a double catering. A delivery in the morning and an event tonight, plus a drive to Palo Alto. This may be my last full service event so even though I know we won't get a tip (since I've worked for this client twice before) I will make the best of it all.

Did I already say the sun is shining?

Yeah, the sun is shining.

Gratitudes:
1. ibruprofen at the ready
2. a cold beer on a warm day
3. a warm day - in February
4. time to walk
5. leftovers

3, 2, 1...Freak out!

Yes, folks. The freak out has officially begun. It was a mistake to call my parents to let them in on that little tidbit, so I may need to wallow for a few moments before I keep moving.

I did just get an email of interest in my media cabinet, but I brought my car into a service station on request of a buyer and it has $700 worth of repairs. A new battery and a new strut casing. My mother did say that I could stay with them until I find a place, so that's helpful. Not ideal, but I don't think we are looking at ideal right now.

Okay, laundry, finding moving boxes and then perhaps Sherlock will have downloaded.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Inhale.

Exhale.