My freak outs have turned in the last day or so. They are now bordering on emotional messes. I have a build up of anxiety and start sobbing. I am currently in one of those as I type. I do see the light at the end of the tunnel, but there's still lots to do. I really should just take a quick nap to maybe ease the emotion, since I have not been sleeping well.
I did just check the early blog entries to see if I experienced similar emotions upon leaving Atlanta and it does not seem that I did. There is this entry which seems to be the closest to the barometer of my mental state, but honestly I cannot remember. I do remember crying on that last day as Jennifer Levison drove me to meet my mother at the airport. I also remember being a mess as I was deciding to step down from Synchronicity. But honestly, my departure was long. I had time to plan, knew where I was going and where my money was coming from and had an apartment in Davis super early.
I think the anxiety here comes from the unknown and the fact that I am moving so fast. Paying lots to rent a small apartment THAT I GOT 2 DAYS AGO (just over a WEEK from my move date) without any source of income. There's still the trepidation of disliking NYC 20 years ago before moving to Atlanta. I was just unhappy. And while I'll be closer to my family, that didn't help me then.
A few people have said that I am making a great decision - and they can only see happiness for me.
I certainly hope so.
Gratitudes:
1. bits of sun
2. snuggly kitties
3. having an apartment in NY
4. a nice farewell from the catering set
5. yeah, that's all I got.
No comments:
Post a Comment