I woke up this morning with my usual sense of anxiety. For the last few days, the dread shakes me up at 4:30AM, so 5:30AM was a welcome change. I got up and fed the cats and went back to sleep. I woke again around 7:30AM, but this time with a sense of ease. I have not felt ease in quite a while. I would like to say ever, but that's not true. It just felt like it.
The calm felt awesome. I had an easy morning, went back to Lafayette to complete the sale of my car, walked down Mt. Diablo to get some breakfast at La Boulange and then hopped on BART to N. Berkeley to meet Randy. I wound up sitting at the BART Station for about 45 minutes, but I didn't care. I ate my veggie tart and finished a good cup of coffee. I put my face up to the sun with a sense of ease.
Delightful.
Randy and I walked to pick up Tony's car by our old Berkeley apartment and after a quick stop at Grocery Outlet (including a weird racially based interaction with an African America couple) we drove to West Oakland to grab Tony and drive up to Davis.
After a nice ride and some good sushi at Davis Sushi on 2nd, we drove to the Theatre & Dance department. It was oddly familiar to be back there. Walked through the shop and up to the second floor. Victoria's office moved once again, but luckily she was there, so Randy and I were able to chat in confidence with her about all of the changes. Tony joined us after his meeting and we got more details on how the MFA program is completely shifting. I am curious to see if it will even be around in 3 years. I am very lucky to have gotten in and out when I did.
Just sayin'.
A little fro-yo (using the plethora of stamp cards) and a gift return at World Market and then back on the road to the Bay.
An absolutely lovely day. I really did need a nap somewhere in there. Tony and I grabbed some coffee once we got to ODC so he could prep for his Opening Night. But then again, I was still calm.
It was not until the second piece in the dance concert tonight that the sense of dread returned. Fear that I have lots to do and no time to do it. That I am missing things and shoving things in each day. I tried to shake it off and be present in the dances, but I struggled. I would like to say that I welled up with emotion due the choreography and performances, but I can't. I have been on the verge of tears so much in the last 2 weeks that I can no longer count.
Tony and I had some wine at the reception and then we walked up to Mission to meet Randy. I really thought about heading straight back home, but I did manage to have a quick bite with the boys before leaving them at Mission Chinese and hopping on BART back to the East Bay.
Tomorrow I lose my bed and my small electric heater. I have more to donate and hope to sell the suitcase and briefcase that have been in my closet for a while. I have a cultural double header tomorrow - The Doctor in Spite of Himself at Berkeley Rep and Dandelion's show at CounterPulse tomorrow night. Hopefully the calm will overpower the anxiety.
T-minus 4 days, y'all.
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