Fear of the Unknown

I got home from drinks with Julia and her friends and poured myself a glass of wine and got into bed to watch Revolutionary Road. I knew it would be a depressing film and I am in a weird state currently. I guess just sad. I am laying here with the lights out in the relative quiet as I hear Maxie stalk something.

When the movie finished I got up and turned on the light in a moment of courage. However, I was not brave enough to lift my backpack that Maxie had his paw under. And now I am just too wimpy to do anything. I originally thought it was a mouse, but I think it may be a large bug.

When my old friend Katy came to town last week we went to see the final preview of Once on Broadway. She went to Emory with one of the cast members a few years after me, but had yet to tell him that she was in the audience. At the end of Act 1 we saw them setting up drinks on the bar of the set on stage and I looked at Katy and said "Let's go!" She questioned our ability of getting up there, but I did not. We walked up to the stage and apparently they put a limit on the number of people up there. So, we walked up to one of the ushers who said that the best way to let a cast member know that we were in the audience was to speak to the stage manager - who just happened to be ON THE STAGE. So, we marched back down and I told the monitor that we needed to speak with the stage manager. Without any hesitation, he said to go on up. I walked up to her and told her that we knew someone in the cast and then Katy took over. After our brief exchange we walked away, and Katy got hit with the fact that she was standing on a Broadway stage. It didn't give me the same sensation. But I thought about it and I think it may have been my first time, too. We then saw Vanessa Williams, also on stage. She looked tiny.

I think it may have been pre-show at dinner that Katy mentioned that she always remembers me as someone who has balls. There was a sense of excitement there. It could have been the wine, but it was certainly more than that. I told her that I thought I lost that quality year ago. But the memory of it brought it back and I acted with such assurance during intermission.

It's funny to me that I lay here now, in the dark afraid of the unknown. Be it a bug or a mouse. Or perhaps a kitty toy. I am sure I am affected by the movie and its theme of being unhappy in the life you're in and wishing for more. Maxie has since moved to the window for a nap and the salsa music has started blaring outside.

I'll take it as a sign to go to sleep and perhaps in the morning I will be less sad.