Learning Lessons

This week we are loading in Gravity's new show into one of the small theatres in SOMA. Jake and Roz, the lighting designer and stage manager, respectively on the project are staying here through the week. I was worried about my personal space, but to be honest it's nice to have them here. There are some growing pains as we transition from Davis to SF, but it was good to be around the theatre most of the day. I left the city around 4pm to do my shift at The Beat at 5pm. I tried to swap with Rose, but she never responded to my request. With my bad memory these days we had already discussed the swap and she was set to come in. So once she arrived, I headed home to get a smidge of work done before I got dressed and headed back to the studio to take Sarah's class.

Sarah taught a more modern class today. Through the warm-ups and isolations we were learning the combination. It was exciting to put it all together at the end of class. I love that Sarah encourages us to dance through all exercises. That it's not just about the technique but the execution and emotion. Just like Chauncey's class was on Saturday, tonight's class was a good one for me. I danced well. During the final stretch and cool down, we were in a seated twist and it dawned on me that there are things I need to learn here. There's additional body awarenes I am getting from both yoga and my dance classes at The Beat. Not only does it affect my movement, but it will totally affect my teaching. I think the plan to try and make things work in the Bay area has changed how I attack the opportunities here.

A little gratitude before I go back to watching the Olympics with my cohorts:
1. the casual carpool
2. hot coffee
3. my ipod
4. my little kitty nuggets
5. strong dance classes close by

Feeling Good on a Saturday

I am in my regular spot on the couch with my feet up on a pillow on the coffee table. My feet are cold and my body is comfortably released into the couch. Maxie is to my left bathing away. And after a busy morning with cloudy skies, I really don't want to leave the house.

I went on an interview at Cal Shakes this morning. Their sales department is looking for help in season tickets. It's close to the house and a small number of hours in the evening. With bonuses an incentives it could be good money, but these jobs usually serve better over time. I'm sure I will hear something by Tuesday. After that I continued the bike trip to The Beat to take Chauncey's class. I felt really good today. Totally in my body and not dizzy at all. He really pushes me and I see the improvements I could make. Lots of alignment and lengthening. Even though I forgot my shoes, and danced barefoot, it was a good class for me. We played again on the combination he started in December and he has not put any more on in a good month. So, the movement is in there and I don't have to think. I can just dance. It's amazing how the body awareness I have for yoga can be transferred into dance class. I am finding more length in my torso and legs so my stretches are deeper and more intense.

Tonight there is a Fundraiser at The Beat and I will head over there in just over an hour. My car is at BART from my trip in yesterday, so I will be biking over in a dress. Hopefully I will not have any trouble. I am starting to feel more comfortable there and hope that I can make it more of an artistic home. Communication and follow-through are not always present, so we will see if that drives me crazy.

I think I will continue to celebrate the return to pamper by giving myself a little mani/pedi. Last week I got my hair colored and this week I got a massage and a hair cut. Mama's gotta look pretty for tonight!

Two steps forward, and one back

It feels like life these days is a gentle readjustment. That's not quite the word I was looking for but I will do for now. I am set on finding a sense of belonging in the Bay Area and opportunities are starting to happen across the boards. My cold is just about gone, however the vertigo and a bit of ankle throbbing are still present. Not debilitating, but strong enough to recognize.

I think I need to be clear on what I want and how I get there. It's something that Dyan McBride mentioned in the Working Actors workshop on Wednesday.

The production work I have right now ebbs and flows a bit, so I am still looking for more work. I think this mish mash way will do it for me. A little teaching, a little admin work. I need to secure some time around yoga training to work on Funny Bone. There is a musician I've been emailing, but communication has stopped. I may need to repost on Craigslist. While getting my haircut yesterday I had a pretty brilliant idea. Create a little network group of other "high-end" service providers. Perhaps a stylist, an accountant, a pilates instructor and I could join together to promote each other. At least I could rent or borrow The Beat for a few hours and teach a free yoga class to allow friends & colleagues to experience the work I do and recommend to friends.

The personal life is a little harder. Without regular employment or being involved in a production my circle of friends and acquaintances here is rather small. I am not quite sure what do to about that yet. As I slowly shimmy my way into the artistic community, I think there will be more friends made and I will have a renewed social life.

Or here's hoping.

Gratitudes:
1. Old friends that remind me what friendship is
2. my new toothbrush
3. the dishwasher
4. keeping judgement at ease
5. fresh veggies

Missing days!

Oy, this daily ritual thing is difficult to keep up. Especially now that I am getting busy with Gravity and Epiphany work. I was good on the water and I bought a new toothbrush, that I am excited to use. It's almost midnight and I really need to take a shower and go to sleep.

Got another faculty rejection letter today, but I really think it's just a matter of time until I receive kind "no thank you" notifications by all. Honestly, I don't think it's my time to teach college yet. After going to the Working Actors Workshop this morning I am a little renewed on the scene here. There are possibilities and avenues. I also got a massage today and one of the salons called with a model hair cut appointment for tomorrow. I think I may have to pay $25, but I'm going to do it anyway.

Lots to be grateful for:
1. Shy and a great yoga class this evening
2. fresh ingredients in the fridge - well, fresh food in general
3. patience
4. lovely weather
5. generosity and warmth from fellow yoga teacher trainers

Sunday Evening Coming Down

For being such a healthy person, I have had my share of sickness woes. My sore throat moved into my face today and I left yoga early all stuffy and snotty. Luckily the Robitussin kicked in and the ibuphrofen I took for my headache seemed to work as well. There was only minimal dizziness in yoga today and due to my vertigo and monthly cycle I had to obstain from a few poses.

Today's yoga was mostly a review day. However we started with a walking meditation and then went straight into partner yoga. In honor of Valentine's Day Shy and Simone taught a couples yoga class yesterday. They brought that excitement into today's workshop. I love the whole concept of force and balance. So the first few poses I did with Noga were like these.



We eventually got into more difficult back bends, flying and headstands. I would love to play with these more. Both in doing and also in teaching. Noga had me up in a fly pose, like this.



But I was unable to release my arms up. I had them down, supporting on Noga's hands. Shy observed and asked me to release my hands and come up in to a back bend. I was not comfortable doing so. So I asked him if it was weak core strength that made it difficult to lift my arms and torso. You wanna know what he said?

No, it's fear.

Fear!

As if I was being offered a challenge, I then took a deep breath and came right up. Later on I tried to be a base for Natalie and Rethel, but it felt like my height was a disadvantage. There was just not enough length in my legs to connect to their backs. Or in places I didn't have enough strength or balance to raise them up to fly. I'm guessing a lot of it's mental and not physical.

Uh oh, that's not a good thought. I am not usually one to be a hypocondriac, but I wonder how much of my sickness is in fact, mental. I mean the vertigo is real, but I wonder if it's still stress related. And I was not excited to be in yoga towards the end of the day, so did I make myself sicker?

I am not sure, but just in case I am going to do my exercises, floss, finish my water bottle and get into bed before 10PM.

It always amazes me that I am usually able to truly be in the moment when I write these posts. I usually title my posts FIRST and then write and choose a photo that matches the end. The title is a play on the Kris Kristofferson/Johnny Cash song - Sunday Morning Coming Down.



It's one of the few covers we sang with Miss Lonely Hearts. Yesterday was the first gig since I left the band. I was up in Davis seeing Jess and Nina's show at Mondavi and Randy and I went to Pluto's to have salads pre-show. I noticed two of Wyatt's friends at the restaurant and when I was unable to avoid eye contact anymore, I looked up and waved. We took our salads and sat by the door and a sense of dread set in. As expected as the friends left they came up and said hello and asked what time the gig was set to start. I guess I could have planned better, but I really didn't want to get into a conversation about leaving the band. So, I said that there were 3 bands scheduled so Miss Lonely Hearts should go on at either 9 or 10. He said something along the lines of see you there or see you later and I nodded and smiled. It was truly uncomfortable and I didn't want to lie. I was just a little misleading. I'm curious to know how the clarification conversation went on later last night. It's truly a curious feeling. Luckily I am not dying to know. As the emotions soften I am moving on.

I'd better do it quickly. 9 minutes to 10PM!

Catching up on Gratitudes

I have missed these the past few posts. I guess we can add them to the list of missing flossing, going my yoga exercises and drinking water. But health problems get in the way - either physically or mentally.

1. lovely weather in the East Bay
2. kindness of the fellow yoga teachers
3. a grocery store in walking distance
4. ice cream in the freezer
5. not beating myself up for my shortcomings
6. site specific work and the people who view it - in this case, Love Everywhere.

Up Too Late

My sore throat is back with a cough, since I guess my vertigo needed a little company. And I now have a headache. I think it's because I have not eaten in a while. I planned on going to bed early, but was caught by the Olympic bug and just watched the Opening Ceremony. And heated some of the mini-tacos that Christine must have left in the freezer from our party last week.

The Opening Ceremony was quite nice. Some good performances and one really wonderful flying circus guy. There was a technical glitch at the end and unfortunately the DVR ended before the torch was lit. I'm kinda bummed. I'm sure I will be able to find a video somewhere.

Okay, fading fast. A bed with a hot water bottle is waiting.

One Foot In Front

Lots of positivity to report today. I kinda forgot about my trip to Davis and back at 3AM. There was lots of coffee involved and I jumped back into bed in the clothes I wore YESTERDAY. But who's counting?

I got out of bed around 8:40 and after a trying, spinning walk to the kitchen (gotta love vertigo!) I made a yummy egg and bagel breakfast, hopped on my bike and headed up to BART. I jumped in a casual carpool to the Civic Center, but the driver was super nice and actually drove me to the Inner Sunset. A salon posted the need for a hair color model on Craigslist yesterday and I jumped at the free opportunity.

My hair is not very different. My grey is covered and the faded reddish color is now closer to my original color. The folks at Eight Thirty Seven were super nice and professional. They are changing their products to the Aveda brand and needed a little tutorial. A rep was there today and guided them on the application. I got all over color and a red head on the other side was getting highlights. No cut, but my hair feels much healthier. Apparently the box color that I use I should not put on my whole head. Just my roots and then blend the last 5 minutes. It's probably the reason why the color faded and my hair was dry.



Okay, it looks much cuter in person than this photo.

I left with a bounce in my step and headed down to San Tung and ticked their Dry Fried Chicken Wings off my list. I then jumped on the N-Judah in the WRONG direction. I had a great soundtrack on my ipod and once I saw the water rather than the city center I looked at a map and got off at the next stop. I had never been in the Outer Sunset. Very residential and very quiet. The next bus was due in 20 minutes so I walked up a few stops and at Sunset and Judah the wait was 1 minute. Civic Center BART back to the East Bay.

Oh wait, at San Tung I got a great fortune in my cooke!

"You will be called to fill a position of high honor and responsibility."

How cool is that?

Hitting the Hay

The sore throat is moving up into my face and I think I will have a sexier voice tomorrow. Fingers are crossed that I don't lose it completely. Luckily I pimped out the pimping of the postcards this evening so I could rest a bit and get to bed early. I am not looking forward to waking up super early to drive up to davis to grab mattias and get him to the airport. but i'll catch up on my npr and get my day off to a start.

quick daily routine before i slumber.

yoga exercises, a chug of water, floss and brush.

zzzzz

Baby steps

Okay, I am not as proactive as I need to be in making my mark here in the Bay Area. But I am starting to take baby steps. The yoga training program is one and working at The Beat and taking dance classes there is number 2. There's a group of actors that meets and plays each Wednesday. I have yet to join in on any of the workshops, but I am going to wimp out one more time and pass on a little ballet in the morning.

My original plan was to pick up two casual carpool passengers and head into the city and park the car in the Civic Center area close to 42nd Street Moon for the 10:30AM class. Get a mani-pedi at one of the salons around there afterwards and then head up to Mill Valley to teach my class at 2PM. However, I really need to work on my stick-shift driving with Christine while I'm up there and it's probably better to do it before teaching.

Fine, call me a wimp. But I believe I should be able to go next week and start to get into that community.

And perhaps get a mani-pedi, as well as tick one of the 7x7 restaurants off my list.

Gratitudes:
1. cookies in the freezer
2. a bicycle in Berkeley
3. a potential teaching hub
4. a good interview
5. winning a tough match of word twist with Eve

Monday in the Jammies!

Today was the day to finally do the online driving school so the moving violation from September would not get me any points on my record. It took me about 3 hours mostly because they gave these bogus questions to make sure you read each section. So they hid these sentences that had nothing to do with driving or operating a motor vehicle like "the author's wife has a wedding ring that's 2 carats" or "You need to be careful to not shoot yourself in the toe."

I mean really?

The day was kinda lazy and the vertigo was minimal. I have an interview in the morning with the concierge company. Hopefully that will work out and I can do the other admin work around it.

For now I just need to go to bed - after some yoga exercises and flossing, that is. I think I left my water bottle at yoga. I will swing by the studio in the morning to check.

Keeping things Grateful:
1. cookies in the freezer
2. wifi
3. Facebook
4. food in the cupboard
5. friends like Sarah and Shane for sending me love and inspiration.

A Little Stumble

The little jaunt in the city kept me off my regular routine. While it was nice to hang in the city with the parents, I was drinking less water, didn't floss at all and failed to do my yoga exercises. Chauncey's class yesterday and yoga today hopefully got me back on track. There was a good amount of water with the increased activity, and tonight I hope to return to better dental hygiene.

After yoga tonight, Shy had a party to celebrate his first year anniversary at 7th Heaven. It was a little bit of meditation and some noshing. I was looking forward to the partner yoga and massage, but left before it happened. If it indeed happened. However, I had a lovely talk with Eleni from the teacher training. Her experience is similar to mine. Traveling across the country without knowing many people. Once she got to Seattle she suffered health problems as she looked for work. She was down in the dumps for about 6 months until she decided to ask for help. She opened herself up and shared her hard times with her family and friends. Luckily they came out in force to assist.

I do feel like I have been asking for help and truly don't think there would be many to come out and assist that have not done so already. Therefore I'm hoping that it's a time issue. February is the 6th month for me. The last week or so things have seemed to turn around. In my last entry I said that I am not feeling optimistic about the faculty positions. And when I got home on Thursday night I got my first rejection letter from the first university I applied for - DePaul. On the wiki site I noticed that one posted notices of phone interviews at each Indiana and at West Chester. Therefore I cannot resign myself to leaving town. I need to have the drive to make it work.

Here's to a the final month of crap and an exciting turn around.

Oh, and the gratitudes:
1. a friendly ear
2. lovely weather today
3. House on the DVR
4. generosity with a fellow teacher calling her chiropractic student husband to give me an adjustment
5. the drive to get back on track

A tourist in the City

For the past 2 days I have hosted my parents in San Francisco. We are staying in a traded time share unit at The Nob Hill Inn in Union Square/Nob Hill and I feel a little touristy. We have taken walking tours with City Tours, saw Wicked at the Orpheum, tooled around in the car and traveled across the Golden Gate. It's kinda nice. I have not been overwhelmed with the food and that makes me a little sad. There have been sparks of wonderful - in the Ferry Building around the tours, tonight at dinner and the drive around the Castro, Haight-Ashbury & the Panhandle.

I think my parents are having a nice time and today when I went to teach up in Mill Valley they went to these artist studios around the corner from Christine's house boat. It was nice that she was able to entertain them until I could get back. We drove back into the city and Tony met us at the inn and we went to North Beach for some Italian fare.

Since my little vertigo incident there has been a bit of anxiety. Okay, who am I kidding? It's been a little funky for a few months now. However this week, its the uncertainty of more employment and trying to get some of my current Gravity work done. Well, that and starting to teach a new class with MTC while being observed in my first class by Cal Shakes. However last night the bomb hit when Wyatt and I finally had the long overdue email exchange that severed me from Miss Lonely Hearts. I was extremely hurt and angry with his response for the need to rehearse with everyone, however after loving comments from many people on Facebook, I am healing quite quickly.

There is still a strong mix of emotions around not being able to conquer the Bay Area, as well as actively making my mark here. In fact I felt good today, especially seeing Steve and Jasson at MTC when I was there for a faculty meeting. I no longer feel optimistic with any of the faculty applications, so it looks like I will have to go the distance to make things work here. As more work comes through with Gravity, Epiphany and MTC I am starting to plant my roots.

Let's see if they take hold.

Things I am grateful for:
1. the support of my parents
2. the generosity of Tony
3. that I can walk up hills
4. more educational and admin work
5. the lovely weather with little rain

Ride the Breath

I am very interested to see how my body is going to feel tomorrow. This weekend we played with prone back bends and lunges. While it was difficult to teach these poses I faired well. There was a bit of surprise when I got such good feedback teaching poses I am not as familiar with - or at least don't teach on a regular basis.

However, today with all of the hip extensions both in the training and in Shy's class I wonder if I will be able to walk tomorrow. In his class we worked on adding breath to our practice. Moving into the asana from our inhales and exhales. It was harder to keep it going as the class went on. It made me realize both how much I don't know or cannot do, as well as how much I clench in my body.

When I got home from class I took a hot shower and belted out a song or two. Made a quick corn taco and headed into the big bad city. Keith Hennessy had a performance and Jess wanted me to hand out IC4 postcards after the show. First off it was great to see such a large crowd for a solo show. Secondly, when I mentioned Jess and the upcoming show to audience members as they hung in the house or left the theatre, everyone was so excited about the show or repeated Jess' name with utter respect.

Jess and Keith are fixtures in the San Francisco dance scene. And I found myself envious of their inclusion. I missed that feeling of being part of a community. I missed being an artist in Atlanta. I am not sure I have it in me to make a name for myself in the Bay Area. Time and energy, time and energy.

Ah, what the next 5 months will bring.

A little gratitude:
1. yoga
2. a roommate who cooks & shares!
3. that i made it home on gas fumes
4. Viennetta
5. laughter and comedy