One Last Blogthing Quiz for 2009

So, this year I have posted less than either of the previous two blogging years. There's no way that I will be able to make it up, but here's an extra post for today!

You Are a Guru

Spiritual and thoughtful, you tend to take a step back from the world. You're very sensitive to what's going on around you, yet you remain calm. Although you are brilliant, it may take you a while to find your niche. Your creativity is supreme, but it sometimes makes it hard for you to get things done. Your strength: Your inner peace Your weakness: You get stuck in the clouds Your power color: Emerald Your power symbol: Leaf Your power month: November

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Work is Hard. Time for Blogthings!

Changing of the Guard

I am contemplating what I want to do tonight. December 31, 2009. New Year's Eve. I am torn. I would love to get out of the house, but I am super content staying in. Muni (including the cable cars) is free tonight and there is a fireworks show overlooking the Bay Bridge. My new favorite - the Embarcadero. I also saw a potluck and mediation event in Oakland.

There are two options with others on the table, but honestly I am not excited about either. I know this night is supposed to be special, but I think it's time to knock the wind out of the sails and keep it modest. Jamie announced on Facebook that she would be staying in tonight. I offered that she come down here and we could stay in together, but no go.

I think I will leave the sleeping kitties and take a bike ride up to Shattuck. That will give my body and brain a little push. My guess is that it will be a push back onto the couch, but I'm not making any predictions right now.

The Power Vested in Me

So today I drove up to Sausalito and Christine and I went to San Rafael to the Civic Center so I could be given the title of Deputy Commissioner for the day. Some of you may know the building from such films as THX 1138 (1969) and Gattaca (1997) which were shot on location in the Marin Center. In addition, the buildings (especially those in the fairgrounds) served as a direct inspiration to those of the planet Naboo in Star Wars. An hour later we had the paperwork and I was legally qualified to officiate a wedding. Yee-haw!

Christine really wanted to get married at the beach and Genia just wanted her to be happy. I took on the minimal role of spiritual advisor and made sure there was proper communication between the couple and with their kids. TIt turned out to be a bigger role than I thought, but an hour later we were on the road to Rodeo Beach. A beautiful ride with a beautiful view of the Golden Gate Bridge. And then a walk down to the beach.


After some vowing, ring exchanges, tokens of clementines, kisses and the throwing of sunflower seeds, another couple entered wedded bliss.

So after catering 2 weddings, serving as a wedding planner for one and being a bridesmaid in 6 ceremonies (all still married!!) I got a promotion today.

Deputy Commissioner-for-a-Day over and out.

Staying Warm!

I am sitting on my zafu pillow right in front of the gas fireplace. I just cannot get warm. I was sitting at the dining table and I had enough. And yes, I'm wearing my wool sweater, jeans, socks and slippers. This is the second or third time I turned on the heat since I've been living here. At night I have been sleeping with a hot water bottle and lately, Maxie has been scooching up behind my knees to curl up and slumber.

I applied for one more administrative job today that Randy recommended, after getting the faculty aps in the mail, having coffee with Chris Parnell, making a bank deposit and doing some laundry. But for the most part my day was about wedding prep. I walked to the library and checked out some books. They turned out to be not very helpful so I did better online searches and put together a lovely wedding ceremony for Genia and Christine. They asked me to officiate their wedding last week and after lots of over few days decided to do it. Get a daily permit and try something new. And I have to say I am pretty excited. They will be getting married on the beach, so I will again have to dress warmly.

My stomach has been a funky for the last few days. I am going to try and ignore it and go to dance class tonight anyway. I have wanted to take Sarah's class at The Beat and fingers crossed that others show up for it. My body is hurting from the dance and yoga over the weekend. I hope for a good warm up tonight and a nice stretch of my hamstrings before I bust a move.

Oh, and here are a few things I'm grateful for:
1. fireplaces and hot water bottles
2. cookie searches
3. friends who send job postings my way
4. a washing machine and dryer in my apartment
5. coffee!

Productivity!

So I asked through my Facebook status if I needed to be productive today. Actually I wrote:

"mmmm...coffee. does that mean I have to be productive today?"

Nobody responded, but that didn't mean I could sit on the couch. Actually, come to think of it. I haven't sat on the couch all day! Go coffee!! I did sleep late. I got up and made a yummy egg breakfast and then went to town on my cover letters. First I biked to Office Depot and picked up some nice paper and manilla envelopes and sitting next to me I have 3 - count 'em THREE - completed packets ready to be mailed.

Boo yeah!

I do feel good about them and I am super curious to see if anything will come of the (as of tomorrow) FIVE faculty positions I applied for.

Yesterday evening I took that Yoga for Stress Relief class at 7th Heaven taught by Shy - the instructor of the yoga certification program. The class was packed and I really appreciated his tone and attention to intention. "Why are you here?," he kept asking. It really got me out of my head and into my body. I think tomorrow I will actually sign up for the program.

Unfortunately, no word or online materials from the belly dance woman. And while I got a lovely response from the caterer, it does not look like there will be any work any time soon.

On Wednesday I start work with Gravity and will of course continue to look for other work. On my bike ride through the 4th Street area I saw that they were hiring and Restoration Hardware.

*sigh*

This thing called Risk.

So it's hard to get away from gentle pushes towards risk. In fact I got this fortune at the Chinese restaurant the other evening.

"Now is the time to try something new."

Okay, okay, I get it. I guess my problem is that I don't know what that is. I am certainly trying to keep my mind more open, but there is little I'm saying no to. Well, I guess if you include rejecting some crazy guys on okcupid, that could be it. However, I am keeping myself more open in that department. No details to share yet, but we'll see.

In terms of new I am looking to get my yoga certification in the new year. I am taking class this evening with the teacher of the training. I know it's not a good judgement on how he teaches teachers, but I hope to get a good vibe. Secondly, yesterday I trained with one of the owners of a belly dance studio in Oakland. There is no guarantee that I'll teach, but I will be given all of the materials for my "audition." I would teach a fitness class that's a mix between hip hop and low impact aerobics with a handful of belly dance thrown in for good measure. To be honest, it's a lot of work. I need to choreograph 5 songs and be prepared to co-teach. My guess is that it will take at least a month of work and then I may not get the job. I feel confident that I could do it, but I was getting mixed signals from the trainer. I loved the pro-woman vibe in there. The hip hop choreography is certainly much different than what I taught in Davis. They truly encourage the use of hips. I mean it's belly dancing - why should I be surprised. I do think it would be good for me - and what I am doing anyway? However I do need some income.

I will start the production manager job for Jess Curtis/Gravity this week and hopefully there will also be work with Epiphany. It would be great if there was one more small job that I could take on. Actually, it would be great if there were more catering. I sent a message to the company I worked for a few weeks ago, but I'm sure things are quiet.

I need to finish my cover letters today. And then I'll probably scour Craigslist one more time.

Gratitudes:
1. my cats
2. a warm blanket on the couch
3. sunny weather
4. teachers who challenge - in this case Chauncey and his lyrical jazz class
5. cheese - it's the bomb!

Typing on the Couch (again)

So, I am currently in the couch part of my ritual. I woke up around 10AM and then cooked a little breakfast and moved to the couch to eat, check my email and play on Facebook. When of course I realized that I had not blogged in a while. In the past few days I have seen a ton of movies, went up to Davis for a visit and been relatively celebratory. I need to pull out my cover letters yet again and send those puppies out on Monday.

As today is Saturday, let's have a recap. Tuesday was the first of the movies day. Fantastic Mr. Fox and Up in the Air. I hoped to return and take back to back dance classes, but I got all crampy and irritable so I wound up on the couch under a blanket for the rest of the day. I didn't sleep well so there went the yoga class I planned to take Wednesday morning. I did get up and head up to Davis and do some University business - pick up my diploma, a few transcripts and the Grad Studies brochure I'm in. Then I met Jamie at Regency so I could finally transfer my thesis DV onto the computer. Yeah, no go. I could not for the life of me figure out how to do it. I may have to head back once school is in session and go with Jamie or Jennifer to Meyer Hall to get it done there. Since Jamie locked her keys in the office and I wasn't successful in my plan, we left and went into Sacramento to finally eat at Michael Tuohy's Grange. The restaurant was beautiful. Big open space with high, high ceilings. The service was okay, and the food did not wow me. It was great to see Michael and eat in a beautiful environment. Since I have been watching the budget, it's been a while that I've taken myself to a nice place. What a treat!

That evening Jamie and I went to see Avatar in 3D in Davis. Gosh, what a ride. A beautiful film. The story was good, and the special effects were great. The dialogue was ridiculous at times, but the imagination in creating the world of Pandora was stunning. Yea for creativity.

The following morning Jamie and I had breakfast at Cafe Bernardo and then I was back on the road - heading back to the Bay. I met one of the online guys for tea and then home to relax before picking Randy up and heading to Kati's family's house for dinner. Lots of wine and lots of laughs and I probably should not have driven when I did. However all is well and I know better.

Yesterday I did what most Jews do. Go to the movies and then out for Chinese food. I saw Nine and Sherlock Holmes in the afternoon. The movies were packed since there were a number of films that opened yesterday. I was a little disappointed with the movies yesterday. Nine was just a slow mess. The actors did not do the songs any justice. In fact the review that I read basically said that the songs sucked. And that made me very angry. It has nothing to do with the song, but how they were performed. Sad. They also expanded the story and added all of this background that you just didn't need.

Sherlock Holmes was a big adventure. I loved the use of slow motion to give insight and then show the movement in real-time. It was done with a fight sequence and then again talking about how Holmes figured out certain facts based on the items in the room. Super clever. But there was not a huge amount of substance and the women were just no match for the men. They were scarily weak. But again not as characters, but how they were portrayed.

Anyway, today I will be a bit more active. Chauncey's jazz class at 12:30PM and then a little training with Samar at Hip Line. I hope to be teaching within 3 weeks. Fingers crossed.

Gratitudes:
1. loving kitties
2. successful dates - more on this later
3. hulu - in particular the ability to catch up on Glee
4. dessert
5. time

Ritual!

So as a person who enjoys ritual, I think I have found one. It's not the best for my person or wallet, but it's regular nonetheless. Lately it's been going to bed around 1AM, getting up to feed the cats around 7AM and then going back to bed. I usually force myself to get up at 10AM and have breakfast since no one should be in bed after 10. Really. I usually wind up heading to the couch and grabbing a blanket and checking my email.

Don't judge the bed to couch thing. I know you are jealous! I mean do you have nails this long from the lack of regular work?

Yeah, I thought not!

Anyway, so as I look for work and welcome a routine that actually gets me out of the house, I have to say this ritual works. I mean, heck, it's a ritual. I love those. And while my bank account is not super happy with the current situation, I think I'll miss this ritual.

*sigh*

I do feel change on the horizon, however. As I clean the house today and hopefully finish my pending cover letters for various faculty positions, I think all of the resumes electronically sent around the city will pan out. Fingers crossed that these jobs are actually in my field. But that's another story.

Okay, these nails while impressive and stylish make it difficult to type. So after a little gratitude, I think they will get a little trim.

THINGS I'M GRATEFUL FOR:
1. good friends - namely Randy and Christine
2. living close to the water
3. leftovers - still got 'em
4. Jon Stewart - he's got a funny show
5. natural light - not the beer, folks - i mean who needs to go outside in the rain?

The Dogs are Barkin'!

Yesterday afternoon and evening I worked my first catering gig with Hugh Groman. He runs a really great business and I felt more at home than I have in a while. There was a number of times in the evening that I said to myself - "wow, these are my type of people." Unfortunately, we are reaching the end of the season and there's not much more work to be had. The lead server last night was complaining about the lack of work. And I thought - now, lady don't even get me started!

I wore my black Dr. Maartens and thought I was clever when I stopped in at Walgreens to get some Dr. Schol's inserts before I got a sesame ball at Yank Sang and walked down to Pier 1. I put them in my shoes - the inserts, not the sesame ball - while sitting on the pier looking over the bay and was feeling pretty good. I know that I was on my feet for over 7 hours, but it was around hour 5 that I started hobbling. I am now bruised on the right foot where part of the shoe was rubbing. But all in all I just hurt. I need to grab my little roller and got to town.

The food was amazing and the guests were all friendly. By the end of the evening they were all drunk as skunks, but I left with a mess of food and I hope I do not have to cook or shop until next Wednesday. Best yet was the view, right on the pier with a breathtaking sight of the Bay Bridge. I think I need to hang out by the Embarcadero more.

This morning my cell rang quickly followed by the sound of 2 texts. No, I did not get out of bed. That is a rare thing since my phone is pretty quiet lately and the sound of correspondence has a scarily strong hold over me. But I cannot remember the last time my phone rang off the hook.

I had an interesting phone conversation with Christine this morning as she drove to pick up her kids in Carmichael. She mentioned that she has no friends. She wanted to go shopping the other day, but didn't have anyone to go with. That may be true locally, but honestly, I don't think she looks for friends. I have been going out of my way to meet people and not having any luck either. I realized that it's been many years since I had a best friend. Like 10 years. It may be because of the moving around or perhaps that my expectations are too high. It seems like people my age also move from friends onto lovers and the dating thing is not working out all that well. But heck, at least I'm trying.

Hold on a second!

I expected this post to be a lot more positive than it actually is. What happened? The phone call from this morning was one of the women from Hip Line - a belly dance fitness club in Berkeley. They are looking for teachers and I will be taking a class to see how it's done on Sunday. The class is called Shimmy Pop and it's a mix of hip hop and belly dance. I have to say, I am pretty excited about it.

I also need to try out the yoga class taught by the teacher training guy at 7th Heaven. If all goes well, I will also start that training in January and be certified to teach in May.

Gratitudes:
1. a forum to vent and think out loud
2. TV on demand
3. leftovers!!
4. living close to the water
5. small jobs and job possibilities

Okay, time to start cleaning!

Missing photos

I just opened the blog and smiled large when I saw the photo from Donkey Loves Tortoise. I miss seeing photos in the entries. I used to add them every day. I guess I lost interest in finding photos to match. My computer has little memory and hard drive space so I have removed all pictures - or most pictures -- in order to have music for class.

In effort to reinvigorate the image, here's one I just took of my newly lit Menorah in the kitchen.

I was supposed to have a latke party tonight, but no one could come, so I cancelled it last night. Actually most people did not respond to the Facebook invite. I tried not to let that bother me, but I would be lying to say that it didn't. I did hear from a few others today, but there were no definites, and I really didn't not want to make a Hanukkah meal just for me.

Instead I went to Grocery Outlet and bought a bunch of stuff. I spent close to $40, which is not good, because I don't think I really organized the food very well. I mean, I don't know if I have many complete meals. I have components, but don't know how much I can make with just what I have. I made some brown rice in the oven and whipped up an African Stew with Chicken and Peanut Butter. The rice was fantastic. The first time I cooked it in the oven. It took a little longer, but there was no sticking. As Alton Brown said on his show Good Eats, rice needs to cook evenly which you cannot get on the stove top where heat comes from the bottom. On the other hand the stew was just okay. I had most of the ingredients, but not all. And then the recipe was flawed. I think I fixed it with some spicy salsa, but I will find out tomorrow when I have the leftovers.

On my way home from Caitlin's this afternoon, I thought about doing a food blog. However, there are so many people doing them and there are so many good ones. I think the market has reached saturation. I would have started with the breakfast that Caitlin made this morning. Scrambled eggs with sour cream with some baked pizza dough from Trader Joe's. The eggs were super creamy and the bread was like a foccacia or ciabatta. With just a little butter, the breakfast was complete. We had some yummy coffee right when I arrived, so I completed my meal with the last sip of cold cafe americano.

As I type, I notice, that my tone is more positive than usual and that all of my i's are CAPITAL.

I wonder what that means.

Oh and then there is that whole gratitude thing:
1. friends like Caitlin who offer me work
2. supportive parents
3. consistent wifi at home
4. strong coffee
5. leftover hanukkah candles
6. the picking up of faculty job postings
7. my own sensitivity

A little bitta etsy

Today I worked for my friend Caitlin. She's Doug's wife from Miss Lonely Hearts and started an etsy shop on a whim. She sells mini terrariums and air plants, plus a number of other magnets and printed cards. She had a backlog of orders and needed some clarity and extra hands.

First off this is the first time I've been to their little cottage in Alameda and it's like a little etsy shop of it's own with a smidgen of Ikea thrown in for a good measure. There's a ton of natural light and just a good feeling in there. Like you want to get your creative juices a-flowin'.

When I sat myself at the kitchen table to get the terrariums ready for shipment, I was writing some little cards to go in the boxes. I had about 30 cards, but was unsure the number to complete. So, I asked how many orders she had. 20? 50?

Um no, she looked on the website and she had 5 PAGES of 30 orders. 5 PAGES!! For those non-math whizzes out there, that's 150 ORDERS!!

So, I was like a little machine and after my 5 hours there we processed about 30 orders. Doug dropped the packages at the post office and tomorrow we will start bright and early on more.

On the Verge

After getting permission to jump around on my ankle I danced with Kim Epiphano on Thursday and then took Chauncey's Jazz class at The Beat on Saturday. I feel good. There is still a little bit of throbbing in the area where the bone was chipped, but in general I'm back in business.

The dance class on Saturday was a blast from the past. A true Jazz class. Jazz music from the late 70s and true jazz technique. My lines were pretty good, but I felt out of practice. I cannot remember the last time I took a dance class. No, really I cannot remember. Melvina's hip hop class in Atlanta?

Yeah, I think so.

The great thing about that class is that I was youngest member. It's been a long time since that happened. There was less pressure and we were all at a similar level. There was also no competition. That's a nice thing.

Even though I still don't have regular work, I need to get off the couch and be active. This week I am doing a bit of work for Doug's wife, Caitlin's etsy business and then on Thursday I'm working for a local catering company in the city.

I do have a few things in the works with some dance companies and keep applying for hospitality and administrative jobs. I'm considering taking a class at Berkeley Rep and I'm still thinking about getting my certification in yoga. And there are 3 more faculty positions I'm applying for.

This hermit thing is super comfortable. However that means that I'm not following my risk plans.

Let's get Risky!

Friday Night Lights!

Happy Chanukah!

I actually lit my menorah on the first night for the first time in a long time. I just moved it to the kitchen so I could put it in the window. So pretty.

I was thinking about having a latke party, but I have yet to organize. Maybe next week.

Good news is that I was given the go ahead to return to full activity on my ankle. After seeing the orthopedist and physical therapist yesterday morning, I went into the city to play with Kim and two of her dancer friends. She has a project in development. It was nice to just play. I didn't freak out too much. I finally came to terms with my fear of contact improv and truly tried to let go. Ah, the joys of improvisation. We did this great solo exercise with a white sheet. Some really lovely stuff. It made me realize that I need to schedule some studio time for myself. I have to get moving on Funny Bone.

And then there is that looking for a job thing.

We are leaving in less than an hour to head up to Sacramento for a Miss Lonely Hearts gig tonight. We are going to have a great time. Fingers crossed that the band will play a good set and impress some other people which will lead to a recording.

PT update!

So the office called a few hours ago and offered me an appointment on Thursday. So, I will see the orthopedist at 9 and the physical therapist at 10:30PM.

At 1PM, I'll meet Kim Epiphano and do a bit of dancing with her at ODC.

I am applying for more faculty jobs, but the riskiest thing I'm doing is drinking mimosas with Tony.

I'll keep working on it.

Jump start the RISK!

So, I am still sitting on the couch and continue to write passive posts. I made a grave error this morning and missed my last physical therapy appointment. Since my PT only works on Tuesday and Thursdays I cannot get in there for THREE WEEKS.

Yes, incredible.

I called the orthopedist and he still wants to see me on Thursday, so hopefully the x-rays will be clean and I will get the go ahead to return to running and jumping.

But then there's that risk thing again. I think with no money coming in, I am more afraid to take risks than ever. It's much easier - and cost effective - to stay at home watch TV. However, it's a little difficult to meet people if you never leave the house.

I am meeting some people with the online dating thing and I may just need to use my credit card and end this self pity once and for all. I need to start dancing and teaching. Hopefully I will be able to take Chauncey's jazz class at The Beat on Saturday. And fingers crossed that my Boxcar callback goes well tonight.

I had a great meeting with CalShakes yesterday about teaching, but they need to see me teach before I'm put on the roster. Ah, the catch 22.

I feel the potential energy building, but I do need a jump start. And unfortunately, it's not happening on it's own.

The Waiting Game

Okay, it's not really a game, just a whole bunch of waiting.

Well, maybe it is a game. Not a fun one, kinda like chicken. You know when you look someone or something in the eye and see who is going to fold first.

So, still unemployed and now official denied unemployment. Kinda sucks. I am not really sure what to do here since I need something temporary. Most employers don't want to hire someone knowing that the are just going to quit when something better comes along. So, here's where the game may be...

Yeah, still sucks and still not fun.

Great news is that finally applied for my first faculty position. I had a good deal of help from people with my cover letter and my fingers are crossed that I get to the next level. There are parts of me that would hate to leave SF because I really do think I could make it work here. It just takes time.

There are quite a few potential things in the works. Lots of teaching at different theatres, some auditioning at small and mid-sized companies and the possibility of doing some solo work. Again, it just takes time.

I went into the city today and took myself on a date. Bank of America does free museum days all around the city each month and I took advantage of their offer at the Contemporary Jewish Museum. I then ticked two of 7X7 magazines foods you must try in SF off my list and then met up with Randy for a show at Climate Theatre. In the down times I read Free Play, one of the books we were supposed to read for Della's CORE class. I never read it since it looked like we would never discuss it. Which we didn't.

The book is on Improvisation. In life. It comes from the point of view from a musician, but talks about all media. But the author, Stephen Nachmanovitch talks about the issue of time. Time as a medium. He writes, "As stone is to a sculptor, so time is to a musician...he draws, perhaps, a violin bow, which is a device for carving or shaping time..."

I really dug the imagery here. I thought of using it in some way with When You Hit Your Funny Bone. Since I started the piece with what looks like a classical concert. Playing with ideas of music - and now time.

I ponder.

I wait.

And I'm grateful.

1. passionate theatre

2. being so close to culture

3. credit cards

4. a warm jacket and cash in my pocket

5. strong coffee

A little pensive

Not really sure why, but I am just in a quiet place. Maybe because I'm tired or maybe because I'm lonely. Anyway, there are lots of things to be grateful for.

1. a great physical therapy appointment today

2. living close to the water - and the great view of SF from Sausalito

3. good friends - today love goes out to my friends Jenny and Christine

4. breakfast - it's the bomb

5. a hot water bottle keeping me warm

Small Challenges

So, I am yet again sitting on the couch pondering about my life. I think there is a HUGE indentation under my bottom from all of the sitting I have been doing. I went to the physical therapist this morning and to be honest I have not been working at home on the drills she gives me in my session. I don't know why, it's just the general laziness, I guess. However, I certainly have time and it will only get me healed faster.

Dawn asked me today if I have been challenging myself. And the answer is mostly no. I have been doing a little yoga, but usually I go once a week and pull my hamstrings and then complain - and sit on the couch. Due to financial constraints I have really been a hermit, however, I really don't have to be.

Walks and bike rides are FREE. Did you hear that? I do not have to spend any money to go outside and enjoy the scenery. And I get a little exercise.

I know, crazy!

I am currently reading my Barteneiff book written by Peggy Hackney and last night was the chapter on breath. She wrote about the healing properties of breath and I have certainly missed that point.

I have swept and mopped half the apartment and I am ready to do the other half. Afterward, I will either bike or walk down to the water - challenge myself and BREATHE.

Why does this take so long?

I am in the process of applying for my first faculty position and the application process is for the most part all online. Except the recommendation part. They say that you can add them online, but I have not figured out how to do that, so I asked my three ladies to mail them directly.

I posted my resume and CV right away, but this cover letter thing is kicking my ass. Mostly because I have to include a personal statement AND teaching philosophy within the letter.

Yeah, butt kicker.

So, today I was in my pajamas on the couch re-writing my cover letter based on the excellent comments of Sarah Raskin. I pretty much threw out much of the meat of the letter and started over. I will hopefully finish draft 2 tomorrow and then I can send it to Trent Blanton.

Sigh.

I did take a few breaks to eat and then this evening I got dressed and out of the house to head to The Albatross for trivia. I nursed one beer and then had a soda water since I only had $7 to spend, but I am glad that I didn't drink more since I have not been all that active.

I took a yoga class on Saturday that kicked my ass and am seriously considering taking a 200 hour yoga certification course. It's 5 months long - from January through May. The price is decent and it's on Sundays and ever other Saturday.

I am a little munchie right about now, but I think I will suck it up and just go to bed. There's Viennetta in the freezer calling my name, but I will stick my fingers in my ears and tune it out.

In the meantime, I must be grateful for something. Here's the list...

1. friends who kick ass at trivia - that be you Kati Voluntine

2. good yoga teachers

3. Sarah Raskin, for giving me feedback on my letter

4. my parents for being super supportive

5. window screens - and the lovely weather in berkeley today

More thanks!

After getting a number of texts this morning and seeing all of the Thanksgiving status updates, I really wanted to keep things quiet. I don't need to shout my thanks in a mass way. Sure, adding it to my blog is not so "quiet," but it's certainly not as read as all things Facebook and Twitter.

Today, I am going to see my crazy aunt and her new boyfriend and his daughter-in-law's family. For the time being, I am sitting on the couch watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. I read last year's post and surprisingly enough really don't miss being in NY much. But gosh, what a different time it was last year.

The weather is lovely here in Berkeley, and the weather in NY is kinda similar. Sunny in the mid 50s. I will probably do a bit of clean up before I take a shower and head to Mill Valley. But in honor of the day and my daily practice. Here are my gratitudes:

1. good friends, namely Chris Aquino who delivered a nice happy birthday gift for me last night

2. a comfortable place to live

3. job possibilities coming

4. an almost healed ankle

5. 2 official blog followers - my friends Shane Vickers and Randy Symank

Happy Thanksgiving!

G is for Gratitude

Have a nice full day today which is a little hard on little sleep from crazy cat hacking and irritable cramps. However, I realized that I did not post gratitudes in my last two posts. I have also not been good about drinking water and don't even get me started on flossing.

Here's to a little nippity nap before I head over to The Beat and learn the front desk in order to do their work study.

Things for which I am grateful:

1. pleasant weather

2. supportive friends - most recently old friend, Andy Smith

3. people that know how to bake - and share the fruits of their labors

4. wifi

5. a healing ankle and a good physical therapist

Monday without a Plan

I went out with my buddy Praba on Saturday night. We picked up two of her close friends and went into the Mission to an art gallery benefit. Since last week was a no (or light) spend week I looked a pretty art and smiled at those that could pay $1000 for an auctioned piece right now. After that we went to a birthday party and after Praba drank a little much after being sick she was down for the count. After some political conversation and silly "exercises" I finally got a ride back to Praba's at 4:30AM.

Yes, folks, it's been a long time since I was out that late. Even on Halloween I was asleep by then.

Needless to say it completely screwed up my sleep schedule. Asleep by 5AM, up to feed the cats at 7:30PM, back to bed and up at 1PM. 1PM! Who am I Tony Shayne?

Kidding.

So, last night, good luck getting into bed before 2AM. I could have, but I got the munchies at midnight after seeing Ara's show at ODC. So, I had a little Thai food from Tuk Tuk and watched the Next Iron Chef - then Chopped. Then bed!

So this morning, it was a little difficult to wake up for my CalShakes audition. I did and the bike ride over there was good for the body and soul. My audition was okay. It took me a while to get in. I started with my Twelfth Night ring speech and I couldn't get the funny flowing. I did use the frustration as I jumped into the Lady Anne from Richard III, so at least I ended on a good note.

And now, that leaves the rest of my Monday open. I think there is a magnet on my butt that finds it's match on the couch, for I find myself here quite a lot. Maybe it's because the living room is one of the cleaner rooms in the house and my bedroom is a mess.

Yes, I could clean today.

Okay, first breakfast and THEN cleaning.

What about the Risk?

yeah, i forgot about that, too. the fact that i have avoided risk and played it safe lately. okay, maybe i am healing and needed a little break, but the proactivity is lacking.

i think about this as i apply for my first faculty position and i'm struggling with the cover letter.

and then here's the end of today's google horoscope...

"Don't settle on being average now; you can accomplish more if you dare to reach for the stars."

sigh.

i mean, here i come.

bitches!

Well, he's got...

high expectations.

Or maybe that's just me. I have high expectations.

There I said it.

When people or situations disappointed me in years past, I got very angry. Usually this was around friendship. So, once I realized that my standards were unreasonable, I eased up. It was very freeing.

It has been a very difficult transition for me moving from Davis to Berkeley. Mostly because I could not get a routine started. And while I am not a 9 to 5 kinda gal, I do like repetition. The collegiate schedule was ideal. Mondays and Wednesdays were the same and Tuesday and Thursday were something different.

But anyway, expectations.

While I have not gotten angry when expectations have not been met, there is still disappointment. I have been a little quiet for the last few weeks. I blamed it in an earlier post on others not caring. However, that's not true. That's not it at all. I stand my the opinion that people are busy, but it has nothing to do with not caring. People just need a little jog. A little nudge. A phone call.

So, whoever said a few months ago (and another who said it last week) you are absolutely correct. I need to be more proactive. I need to go out of my way and do more. I need to at times be relentless. I need to let go of expectations.

Gratitudes:

1. friends in Davis

2. a nice ride

3. kind former students

4. enough complimentary ingredients to make a soup

5. abc full episode player (yes, I'm caught up on Grey's Anatomy!)

Tick, tock

I got home from Christine's house at 11:15PM and just had to watch the Top Chef that I recorded on DVR. Midway through I got a little peckish and made a little snack that I have been doing fairly regularly - a flour tortilla with sabra spicy hummus with some fresh spinach. Um, yummy!

It's now 12:26AM and I would love to go to sleep, but with a belly doing it's digestive thing, I feel like I need to wait. I am not sure if my mother ever said anything about not going to sleep on a full stomach, but I do feel that there is some maternal figure sitting on my shoulder right now. So yes, I'll wait.

I have been doing pretty good about updating my blog recently and with the friends checking in, I also had two others contacting me about reading my blog. I really have been writing just for me, however, it's nice to see that others are engaged to read along. It's been a while since I thought I may make a buck on my blog, but I am glad that my saga is worthy of taking a few minutes out of some uber busy days.

I'm heading to Davis tomorrow afternoon to catch up with friends and see the Granada offerings for this quarter. I know I will be spending some moolah tomorrow, but hopefully unemployment will come in next week.

Gratitudes:

1. friends with jobs who buy groceries for dinner

2. a yoga pass - on class 2 of 3

3. the Food Network

4. loving kitties

5. the hot water bottle christine gave me almost 2 years ago

Take that, bitches!

Yesterday, I got up and prepped to bike to City of Berkeley parking violations office followed by my temp agency. Huffing and puffing up Addison I got a flat tire. Since my emotions are so fragile right now I just about lost it. I was going to walk home and hide under the covers. However I locked my bike at St. Joseph the Worker church since I figured no one would steal a bike a church and I walked the remainder of the way.

Things did not end well as I fought my ticket and I wound up bawling when I had to pay the $50 fine. Okay, maybe not bawling, but it was close to a sob. The officer passed me a tissue box and I felt ridiculous. I felt like I had explain myself and said "I've had a string of bad luck lately." The officer apologised which left the door open for me to say, "I am not sure what the universe is trying to tell me." She responded with something about things turning around and I simply said, "I don't think so."

I put my sunglasses on and took my pride with me as I walked home. Luckily I brought my ipod shuffle with some Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me and The Moth podcasts, so as I passed my locked bike and found myself back on my doorstep, I was feeling better.

I drove to the temp office where I returned the silverware I had from the office where I worked for the last 3 weeks as well as turned in my time sheet. I was also able to fax the necessary forms to the Unemployment Office in Sacramento.

When I got home things started to turn around. I got a call from my friend Damon Boggess checking in on me. He had just come home from an audition for The Vampire Diaries. A show on the CW. Join me in keeping my fingers crossed that Damon is the the next Mayor of Vampiretown. While on the phone with him, my friend (and UC Davis PhD candidate) Praba Pilar called to check in on me and today I got yet another call from my good friend Sarah Raskin. She was with me while I ate lunch AND took a bath. She is finishing up her PhD at UA Tucson and has quite a plan in the next few years. Studying the health care in Appalachia. Here's to her getting the funding she needs, as well as her hubby John finding a job close by. Needless to say, it was great to receive these calls and catch up. After feeling like I do not have a support group, I do feel better. I was always afraid to live alone since just in case something happened, no one would ever know. However, I know that's not true.

On more positive news after sending injuries at a number of catering companies and applying for an education manager position I had 2 interviews today. A phone interview for the Eduction Manager job and a quick in-person interview for the catering company. They both went well and in fact, I just got notification of a second interview for the education manager job. BAM!

After I got home from the catering company, I walked my bike to the Bike Workshop in the Berkeley Aquatic Park. They help you fix your own bike. So, I unfortunately went off the challenge to not spend any money, however the tube was only $3 and I gave a $2 donation. It felt amazing to be able to do it (mostly) by myself. My hands were grimy and dirty and now I know how to repair a flat. Not only that, but these guys were awesome. Good teachers with patient demeanors.

Here's hoping my luck is coming around. Maybe the cool henna design on my left foot is working it's magic!

Must. Stay. Positive.

I was not truly risky today, if you don't count going over the Bay Bridge these days. However yesterday and today I went into the city. Yesterday to the Food Bank on the south side and today to the Jewish Library in who knows where. Hold on, let me see what neighborhood it was... Western Addition/NOPA. I guess that's North of P.P.P um, Panhandle. Really???!

Anyway, I looked online for free events now that the money is not flowing and I found a free henna workshop. It was pretty uneventful, but I paired up with the woman next to me and I did her hand while she did my left foot. A request to do something "lucky" used. She went a little crazy and I was not able to put my shoe on to head home. I did put socks on when I got home and I just looked at the cracking paste and to be honest, it's a little wimpy. I was going to take a photo, but really it's not impressive.

I also decided to last as long as possible without spending ANY money. I have plenty of food in the kitchen. I may need to get creative, but I have lots to keep me going for at least 4 days, probably a whole week. For example, I had 2 rotting bananas, so I just made a banana bread. It's in the oven and smelling yummy. I forgot to butter the loaf pan, so we'll see what trouble that is. I cannot wait to have a piece with some peanut butter on top.

This is a much longer post than I anticipated. Here's what I thought it would be:

Gratitudes:

1. food in the kitchen and skills to cook them

2. working internet

3. reliable transportation

4. loving parents

5. a plethora of colorful scarves

Taking Risks.

I got home from work last night and poured myself a glass of wine and heated some leftovers. Around 8PM I grabbed my phone and noticed that I missed a call since I keep my phone on silent when temping. It was Kim from the temp agency giving me the very bad news that my assignment was immediately terminated.

Open mouth, shock.

As I look at my finances this week, I started to get a little nervous. Now I am just plain freaking out. I really hate that I was given no warning and while it hurts like hell to be let go, there was nothing I could have done to change anything. At least that's what Kim said. In fact, my supervisor was very complimentary and only gave me positive feedback on the job. It was just that she didn't feel it was a right fit.

It still hurts like hell and I was quite a mess last night. I sat on the couch with my second glass of wine and scoured all of my usual job hunting sites. I applied for numerous jobs - some catering jobs, an administrative part-time position a few blocks away and an education director post. I keep thinking about what I am supposed to gain from this area of the country. However after set back after set back it seems that the lesson I need to learn here in NorCal is the get the heck out of here.

I feel like I am back at NYU without a good support base. I am trying to make friends, but there is not a huge outlet and without much money and the state of my ankle, it's not like I can take classes. I signed up for some volunteer work today and when I got there, my name was not even on the list. It took every ounce of my being from not walking out the door. But I am not about to go back to that pity party.

My google horoscope today put things in perspective:

You often take the path of least resistance and choose stability over innovation. Now, however, you are being given new ways of responding to a familiar situation that has become a bit of a rut for you. Rather than repeating history, you are on the verge of breaking out of an old habit. Taking a risk isn't always advisable, but this time it should work in your favor.

Therefore I decided to expand my job search out of the area. I really wanted to make a go of it, but I don't think I can do it. There is also something about being close to my family that I miss. I'm sure things will make themselves clear in the next few weeks. Whether options come my way or I make some hard decisions.

Risky chances here I come.

Learning the Lessons

I really cannot believe I haven't written each day this week. I usually try to get an entry in while I'm temping, but I guess Wednesday came and went. It's Friday and my schedule is pretty light. I have been very good about cleaning the house, except for my bedroom. So tonight, if nothing comes up, I will be tackling that area.

This week was really great for many reasons. First is that I got my haircut and I feel so much better about myself. I have a bunch of weight to lose and muscle tone to regain, but I started biking to the BART station and taking yoga this week. And with watching my finances I can also watch my eating habits better.

Secondly, I FINALLY started physical therapy! My therapist, Dawn, pointed out all of these idiosynchrocies with the way I have been walking that may stem back to the original sprain in my teens that I never allowed to heal properly. She has given me all of these skills training to walk symmetrically and to build up muscles in areas that may have atrophied due to injury or improper healing.

While there is a bit of tweaking here and there - like my right knee and lateral side of my left ankle bothering me - I feel better as I walk. There is more mobility and gradually it will be joined by increased stability.

All in all a pretty magical thing.

And finally, last night Tony and I went to see the physical theatre company, DV8 at the Yerba Buena Center of the Arts. We were introduced to them in Della's CORE class our first year at Davis. And it was pretty remarkable stuff. They created projects for video. This was the first time I saw them live. They actually have not been to YBCA (and perhaps SF)in 12 years. The place was packed and I hear they are completely sold out for their run. They are adamant about starting on-time, so I actually got a call from the box office suggesting getting there early to pick up my tickets. Unfortunately the front of house staff was pretty rude about it, so hopefully Kati will make some improvements tonight.

They are currently touring a show called To Be Straight with You. It's a dance/theatre piece based on interviews with people around the subject of homosexuality in a muslim world. The movements were so dynamic and committed. The stories - while sometimes hard to understand - were complex and disturbing.

It made me think about using interviews to expand When You Hit Your Funny Bone. Interviewing people of all ages and ethnicities about what they find funny and why. Similarly to what I did with Marcie Millard and Chris Ensweiler. I even heard a mention of laughter on the radio the other day on some health care spot, Kaiser Permanente, maybe. So, I am toying with that idea, as well as the repetition or expanding of themes. Sitting on the toilet, toilet humor, the sound of peeing or pouring water...

It's now 2:26PM. Two hours after I started the original entry. Work tasks and a break for lunch later and here we are.

Gratitudes:
1. Passionate artists
2. chicken and waffles
3. physical therapy
4. a roof over my head
5. friends who like board games

I am Addicted

I stand before you confessing that I am addicted to word twist on facebook. i usually play with my friend mick in raleigh, nc. however i wind up challenging 2 atlanta actors (joe & eve) and a friend of rachel fowler's that is getting his law degree at uc davis (jake). when i log on to facebook i usually go to my active games first. if i see none, i am very unhappy.

i have been doing very well lately, however, today i lost both games. and i really am not upset because i just love the game. however, i play ALL THE TIME. I get very nervous when I play while I'm temping. I am certainly clicking along, so I look busy, however I get freaked out when someone else in the office passes behind my desk to go into the break room. I usually have to minimize the page quickly. Sometimes it costs me the round, however, sometimes I am able to quickly open the page when the coast is clear and resume playing.

I don't have any active games right now and I don't think I can wait long to start one. I really should be vacuuming and mopping, but I really prefer to sit on the couch and watch So You Think You Can Dance with my new haircut and my newly stretched out foot.

Gratitudes:
1. word twist (and mick for enjoying it as much as i do)
2. finding a new haircutter
3. a great physical therapist who pinpointed all the problems i've had in my legs
4. smart and passionate theatre education directors
5. loving kitties

This is not a Pity Party!

Since I am working, my ankle is healing and I have both a haircut and PT appointment tomorrow I am thinking that I am entering a new phase. The positive beginning of my time here in the East Bay. Due to my ankle injury, I have been on a negative spiral downwards. Sitting on the couch waiting for someone to help me.

Guess what? Nobody cares.

I am not being cynical here or pessimistic. It's just reality. A few weeks ago I forced myself into positive thinking. This caused me to get off my butt or at least in active mode. That's what I feel jump started me back up the path. Barbara Ehrenreich was on Jon Stewart recently and said that positive thinking was all a bunch of hooey. And I hereby stick my tongue out at good 'ol Barbara. Positivity works. And taking control. No one is crying with me. Everyone is too busy or too into their own shit. No judgment here, no loss of expectations - it's just what is. If I am not proactive, nothing will happen. Period.

I keep waiting for the universe to tell me what my time in California is supposed to give me. It does not feel like I am supposed to be here for the long haul, but the universe is not telling me squat. And I have been listening. Therefore I realized that I have to decide what I want.

On Saturday, I spoke with Suehyla on the phone and met with Praba for lunch. They both were very encouraging. Suehyla encouraged being pro-active with getting auditions and using any and all contacts. Praba suggested that I keep looking for theatre gigs, but truly start to create my own work. She also said that the quality of work here is on the lower side and after seeing what I do at Davis, she feels that I could do well here.

So, I brought my thesis script with me to work on my ipod and the new research continues. I am also starting the grant search, as well.

On the downside, my income is not really what it needs to be. I am just making ends meet and that's not good enough if I want to keep the savings account growing.

Mama's got a lot of work to do.

Early Sunday gratitudes

1. a super comfy couch
2. being surrounded by culture
3. being well enough to bike and walk
4. left overs
5. suehyla and her harsh realism and encouragement
6. praba for her support and enthusiasm
7. food at the mixing bowl in oakland

Rainy Friday

Okay, so I drove Tony to the N. Berkeley BART at 8:40AM this morning and decided to find a spot on the street and take BART to work early today. I treated myself to an egg sandwich next door and here I am doing very little.

My to-do list is staring me in the face. I hate that. I grabbed 3 headshots this morning, so I have three ready to go. I will head to the post office during lunch today. Unfortunately, that's all I can accomplish today. I should have brought my laptop to get all of the other stuff done or at least started - and now that I see the rain outside - an umbrella.

Yesterday was a full day, but no yoga - or at least no yoga class. I did do a little bit in the living room, but was afraid that I would be too tired with my foot throbbing and knowing that I had lots of walking ahead of me. I slept until about 10AM and we got on the road around 11:30AM. Dim sum was excellent at Hang Ahn in Chinatown and then we walked to SF Moma and toured the entire museum. It was nice to have that much time. Tony called his buds at the Opera and we swung by there to say hey and watch the first act of Otello. Quite a spectacle! The music was lovely and the sets and lights were quite nice. Not a huge fan of the costumes. We left at the intermission break in time to head back to Berkeley and grab some food before Tiny Kushner at Berkeley Rep.

We stopped at a little fast foody Hawaiian place on Shattuck. The food was not good. It was cheap, but I spent most of the time eating how to fix and improve my noodle soup. I think I will saute some onions and asparagus with some spicy chicken and see what that does.

The show last night was okay. It felt dated which is odd for a new show. The acting was good and the design elements were simple but the writing was all over the place. It needed editing. I know that Kushner is a pretty verbose writer, but still.

I am ushering for Kati on Saturday night at Yerba Buena for a dance show and then I hope to see Love's Labours at the Zellerbach on Sunday. I should call right now to see if they need ushers.

Rain rain go away! But in the meantime, here are my daily gratitudes:

1. theatre, music and dance so close
2. good dim sum
3. temperate weather, perfect for walking
4. gelato
5. Regina Spektor on my ipod

Twiddling the thumbs

Actually, I am not twiddling, but it's such a good words that it needed to be featured. In fact I just found myself tapping my fingers. You know one digit at a time - pinky to pointer finger? Nails making that tapping sound on the desk?

Yeah, that one.

It's super quiet here at work. I have not had anything to do for quite a few hours now and I was silly enough to not prep some of the things on my to-do list this morning.

I did do my bank deposit and mailed off my request for direct deposit from the temp agency, but everything else will have to wait until tomorrow or Friday.

The only other big thing is that I am looking to join another band. I am in communications with one in Oakland and am prepping songs for an audition on Wednesday. I am not sure if it's a good fit, but we will see soon enough. Their sound is more jazzy than Miss Lonely Hearts. Mostly original stuff, but I am prepping some covers.

Tomorrow I am having a fun day with Tony. Dim sum in the morning followed by a trip to SF Moma. I hope to tick another restaurant off my 7x7 Things to Eat Before You Die List. Then we are seeing Tiny Kushner at Berkeley Rep at night.

I was asked to work on Friday. So I'm taking it since my month of physical therapy begins next week and I will only be able to work 3 days a week.

So, here to more ticking, and less tapping and twiddling. Oh, and to a positive date tonight. Hope it's not too much to ask.

Gratitdues:
1. sunny skies
2. my ipod (for podcasts and music on my commute)
3. salted almonds
4. my nice looking nails - fingers and toes!
5. a job with a paycheck

List of To-Dos

As I sit here at my temp job, the task list is rather light. I am thankful for a job, but I do wish I had more to do. I finished up a task from yesterday and was busy for the first 2 hours I was here. It was really nice. It makes the day go fast.

I really don't have a good system in place to get some things ticked off my list. So, as I did before I left Atlanta, I will use this space to post what I have to do and places that I would like to visit.

Suggestions are always welcome.

TO DO
1. Send headshots to Jewish Theatre, Aurora, the Magic and ACT
2. Prep my audition for Cal Shakes
3. Schedule time to see Boom, Wicked and Three Penny (Shotgun Players)
4. Send teaching information to UC Berkeley T&D, Alice Project
5. Do in-person hearing for Berkeley parking ticket
6. Pay PG&E bill
7. Finish Dada report for the City of Davis
8. Make bank deposit

TO TRY
1. Gregoire's
2. a good sushi place in the East Bay
3. 7th Heaven Yoga
4. Yoga to the People
5. The Yoga Room

And my gratitudes:
1. Arts and culture close by
2. good friends
3. a steady (though part-time) job
4. a PT appointment & a healing foot/ankle
5. lovely weather, for November or anytime

Missing the Welcome

Back at the temp job and I finally feel like I have my groove. It's amazing how much more comfortable I feel after creating ritual. While sometimes I surprise myself with changing plans, I really am a creature of habit. That does not go for restaurants since I rarely go to a watering hole twice, but still. This is a little bit of an epiphany for me. I had a jaunt in my step as I walked from the bus to the office. And more of an awareness of my comfort level as I came back from Starbucks with a pound of ground and a free cuppa joe and a scone. As a Taurus, lots of times I am listed as stubborn. I really don't think that's true. Maybe because stubborn sounds so hard and fast. And I don't think I hold on to the rituals so tightly, but change does hurt. Maybe there's another word. Ah, thesaurus, what do you got?

Firmly, often unreasonably immovable in purpose or will: adamant, adamantine, brassbound, die-hard, grim, implacable, incompliant, inexorable, inflexible, intransigent, iron, obdurate, relentless, remorseless, rigid, unbendable, unbending, uncompliant, uncompromising, unrelenting, unyielding.

Yeah, these are too strong. I don't think I am that fixed.

I went back to Davis yesterday with Tony to see the first department show of the year and get my fill of all you can eat sushi. There is a sense of ease with Davis, but it's start to feel like the past. It is certainly nice to go back and see familiar faces. Again, nice. Maybe it's because I am welcomed there and things are a little colder in my new life. I miss the welcome.

Okay, that's all well and good, but what does that mean? I guess I need to get out and find those that will welcome me. That are familiar. I think I will research yoga classes close by.

Om.

Ruminations and percolations

I have been having dreams about my high school reunion lately. Very vivid dreams that are always different. Wait, have I written that before?

Yup. In the last post..

Anyway, I have been thinking what they have been trying to tell me. When I posted that thought as my facebook status I got comments from Janice Freyler and Kathy Corcoran that I should have ATTENDED the reunion. While that may be true, I don't think that's it. What comes to mind is would I be excited to tell people what I do. Since I never want to regret anything, I am seriously thinking about where I want to be right now. The biggest thing is that I feel I am taking huge steps backwards. I am falling back on all of things I did when I got out of undergrad. Well, at least temping, but I have been thinking catering, as well. While I certainly CAN do these things, they do not bring me joy, just a paycheck and potentially some yummy leftovers.

As my ankle heals and I look for performance and teaching gigs I thought about my one time goal of creating a center for all of the things I love. A theatre/dance school, a day spa, and a restaurant all in one building. It could have a performance component or not. I guess in a scaled down version it would be a studio with an adjacent room for massage and then a little food area that sold light bites and juices.

So yesterday in my forward thinking I started looking for buildings. There were some sketchy options in Oakland, but for the most part it's an expensive venture. I would love to start small with the option of expanding. But I like the feel of all three. That's what would make it difficult to figure out which one to start if I had to choose. The logical choice would be the studio since I can do that now. I can teach group acting and dance classes and then rent it out to other teacher to do the same. Teach dance or yoga or martial arts. The day time may be light, so there are thoughts there, as well.

However, I am excited and trying to figure out the next steps. Since I cannot teach dance classes right now I am a little worried about starting this. Do I need to rent a studio myself or teach at a studio for a bit to build clientele? Do I want partners?

Thoughts?

Or as I usually say to my students - questions, comments, epiphanies?!

Epiphany!

High Over Lake Merritt

Today is day 3 of temping and I am getting used to the routine. My task list is light, so I am trying to figure out how to be productive. I don't think it's fair to do much personal stuff during the day, but I am not sure what else there is to do.

The office is super close to Lake Merritt so I am excited about the possibilities of hanging around here after work some days. It's funny that one of the places that Tony and I looked at living was very close to here.

Anyway, today I took the bus and while it's 50 cents more than my BART trip, I don't have to get in my car and I get a little walk in. They don't seem to run on the posted schedule. That either could be due to the Bay Bridge closure or just not staying to the schedule. Hopefully this will not cause problems. Especially since the bus home runs every 30 minutes vs the bus in the morning that runs every 15.

It looks like I am closer to a PT appointment. I spoke with Sports Orthopedic Specialists today and I should be able to get in next Tuesday. My first day off from temping. I really cannot wait to get this ordeal over and done with so I can start taking classes.

I have been very lazy getting home each night, so tonight I plan to do a big clean-up in preparation for Tony's return and cook some dinner before popping on the couch to watch Top Chef. I have been getting to bed before midnight each night, but my sleep has been fitful and my dreams a little wacky. I believe I've dreamed about my HS reunion twice in the last few days. I can only remember lots and lots of quick colorful images.

The weathers getting cooler, so I think I will be making some soups and stews this weekend.

Nine minutes before the quick walk to the bus begins!

Gratitudes:
1. a paid job
2. good friends
3. the feeling of possibilities
4. easy transportation
5. lots of culture

Not Feeling So Hot

It's 8 in the morning and I am sitting on the couch wearing a suit. It's been a long time since I put this suit on. Actually it's been a long time since I've put ANY suit on. I got dolled up for my temp interview last week, but I am a little lacking in the business attire realm. I am not sure if that's a good thing.

The suit fits me fine, but I have certainly gained weight over the last few months mostly because I have been a big lump. This ankle injury has caused me to abandon any and all exercise. I knew that my routine would change since I no longer had gym access and was not teaching 2 dance classes 4 days a week. However this is ridiculous. The muscle tone in my legs is just about gone and I just don't feel my best. A few months ago I could have easily said that I was in the best shape of my life. Now, it's just not so.

And now sitting on the couch, I feel a little sick. Could it be the last remnants of my cold? Or perhaps that I was hung over most of the day yesterday? Or maybe it's more of a mental thing and I really don't want to be temping?

Honestly, I really don't know. I am going to chalk it up to anxiety since I really don't know exactly where I'm going and I don't know how long it's going to take. First day jitters. However, I have a headache and I have the chills. And my stomach doesn't feel all that great, either.

I just checked the website for swine flu symptoms (with a photo of Crystal Dickinson) and I don't think that's it. I am going to drink some more water and just make it work.

Work.

Sound of Train whistles and traffic

I was going to say something about it being super quiet, but just because I finally turned the TV off doesn't mean that it's silent. In fact besides the outside noise, I also hear Ian upstairs playing music. Earlier today it was The Beatles on a keyboard, but now it's more muffled.

I am still in my PJs and of course on the couch, but I am making progress. I am securing an appointment with a PT in Oakland and think I have a temp job that starts on Monday. Not great news if I heard it two months ago, but super positive based on how things have been going.

Yesterday I had an interview with a temp agency in Emeryville. It's been a while since I interviewed for an admin position and at least 2 years since I did all of those tests. I didn't do horrible, but I certainly didn't do as well as I should have. I tested on MS Office programs from 2003 and things have changed since then. Not counting the fact that I now use a Mac with all different key codes and shortcuts.

That being said, there is a part-time temp assignment in Oakland and I think it will give me time to do my art stuff and perhaps teach a class. I may need to grab work at night, but for the time being it's okay.

Remember that guy that I met with my parents when they were out for On the Town? We ran into him at Bakesale Betty's before a show? Well, maybe I never wrote about Dore. Either way, I went out with him and his son Miles last night and Dore mentioned a great PT office in Oakland. They may be able to get me in the first week of November, but I cannot schedule an appointment until the paperwork goes through. Gosh, I love all of this red tape!

Tomorrow the folks from the PG&E CARE program come out and do the fixes on the apartment. That will probably force me to get up and dressed on the early side. My bedroom has gotten a little messy, so I would like to take a shower now and do a bit of tidying.

My cold is still present, but the congestion has eased a bit. I feel a little scratchy in the throat and a little tired, but all in all I think I'm on the mend.

Hey, I'm on the mend.

And I'm grateful.

1. discount utility programs
2. food in the freezer
3. sunny skies
4. doctors office employees who get answers to questions
5. a washing machine IN my apartment

here comes the cold

so my roomie, tony had a cold last week and even though i got my sleep and washed my hands often, i now have the sniffles. it doesn't help that the temperatures have dropped a bit and that its been a little wet out there.

i went to the orthopedist referred by UC Davis and UC Berkeley Occupational Health and Dr. Mann is referring me to a physical therapist in Emeryville due to a chip in the dorsal bone. No running or jumping, so no hip hop, but I can do yoga and bike.

I am up way too late, but thought I would get a quick entry in before I crash.

Things I am grateful for:
1. workman's comp going through
2. my patience
3. kitties to keep me warm (even though I found vomit IN MY BED last night as I got in - in the DARK)
4. my bank account
5. a comfortable home

things are looking up

well, it's thursday and I am not sure where the week went. i have been putting many things off and I am finally starting to tick off the list in my head. for such an organized person, i am not being very organized right now. two years later, i am still in transition.

however, there are some good things to report. i have an appointment with one of the local temp agencies. apparently it was unclear that i had moved from davis. so the woman who runs the agency will be sending some proficiency exams and then we are meeting next wednesday.

yesterday, i had a busy day in the city. i finally went back to the hall of justice and scheduled a hearing for my moving violation citation and today i took photos of the parking spot where i got a ticket in berkeley. here's to the end of all tickets. ever.

no performance gigs upcoming, but i do have 2 general auditions - one for shotgun players and another for cal shakes. let's hope they amount to auditions for specific shows either this season or next. i saw jasson after my name is asher lev on sunday and he said he is going to put me on the reading list of shows in development. unfortunately their entire season is cast so it may be a while until i get on stage again.

in terms of teaching, i have been doing a few workshops for epiphany. they are a little crazy and more difficult to do by myself than when i did them with kim. i do think their education component will be expanded and i will have a greater role, but it's not going to be for a while.

the biggest snafu, my ankle, still hurts. all of the walking and teaching i did yesterday did take a toll. i am not looking forward to this weekend and all of the walking with trolley dances. however, my appointment with the orthopedist is on tuesday and i am excited - giddy even - for someone to tell me EXACTLY what's wrong with me.

i have not really treated myself very much and am waiting to do some dinners and get a massage and mani/pedi until i have money coming in. however, i think a little treat will do wonders for my personal morale. i just don't think an ice cream cone is going to cut it.

But here are some gratitudes:
1. lovely weather in the bay
2. positive people around me
3. chocolate
4. art and culture close by
5. loving kitties
6. possibilities

Still on the Couch

I emailed with my friend Sarah yesterday and noticed just how much bitching I've been doing. I talked with my friend Randy last night after a little 1776 and So You Think You Can Dance and I have lost my confidence again. I was doing so well, so I think I lost it after I sprained my ankle and was no longer teaching at UC Davis. Then when On the Town closed and I found myself in a messy apartment with an ankle that still hurts and no jobs in sight, I kinda hit rock bottom.

I currently have an active citation from the CHP and a parking ticket from the City of Berkeley. I am fighting my old landlord due to deductions in my security deposit and I am getting nowhere with Unemployment, Workman's Comp and most of the headshots, resumes and CVs I've sent out. All I really want to do is sit on the couch and watch movies and drink lots from our well stocked bar.

But there is good news on the horizon. Our apartment is truly shaping up and we have not been drinking up a storm anymore. I went down to the Hall of Justice BY MYSELF in SF to deal with my citation and my confidence is starting to come back.

My ankle sometimes feels great and sometimes I feel a little hurt on the inside bone. I just want to know if I am damaging it or just have to get used to a little discomfort.

Anyway, I just took a break to bitch to my Dad and also called my old landlord to remind her about the check and the documentation. Fingers crossed that I am on the way up. Here's a bottle of water to health and employment.

Thursday morning

When Tony and I talked about our roommate situation he said that he hoped that I rubbed off more on him than he on me. Maybe I am not being assertive enough, but that is certainly not the case. I am drinking a little more than usual and I am going to sleep super late and sleeping late, as well. Except for Maxie smacking my head each morning and getting me up, most days I have been going back to sleep til at least 9AM, but sometimes 11AM. Needless to say, there is tons of work to be done in the apartment and I really need to find work.

My ankle is not fully healed, so I am afraid to really push the dance education. However of the resumes I've sent out, I have not been getting much of a bite. I got my stipend from DTC from On the Town and the last UC Davis money was deposited into my account today. The worry starts now. The economy is still so bad that I cannot even get temp work. Granted I only applied at one agency, but they basically said that they would call me, but work is coming in slowly.

I really do like living in Berkeley and every time I'm on the freeway and get a view of San Francisco, I smile. I really do think that I am meant to be here right now. I just need to find my path. And while Randy Symank is able to throw some work at me through Epiphany Productions, it's certainly not enough.

Time to make some coffee and breakfast and then sit down and get my expenses in Quicken so Sallie can finish my return. I told her that she would have it today since the extension deadline is 15 days away and we have to deal with the postal service.

But I'm trying to be positive and here's what I'm grateful for:
1. an apartment in a fun location
2. a good roommate (so far...)
3. reliable transportation
4. my website ALMOST being done
5. Randy for all of the arts related work he's passed my way.

Another lazy day

I have been very lazy lately. Okay, maybe not so lazy, but not getting out of my pajamas for quite a long period of time every day. Tony was not the best influence since we both tended to sleep in due to late nights and then move to the couch and whip out our laptops.

So, I have been taking care of much needed things. Trying to get health coverage, paying my cell phone bill after an amazing overage, scheduling a follow up appointment for my ankle through workman's comp and lastly applying for jobs. I also send my stuff to an agent in the city. If they represent me, I will be traveling around lots for auditions. I am not too sure how excited I am about that.

I am really starting to worry that I will not be able to work teaching dance due to my ankle. I do think it's broken and that I will be out of commission for a few weeks. So, I applied at a local temp agency today. Fingers crossed that they need my services and that there's work to be had. I did apply for unemployment yesterday, as well. I guess I need to keep my bases covered.

There is one more weekend of the show - or 4 more performances - before we hit Yom Kippur. I have a feeling that my foot is broken, so I was afraid to go to the doctor because if they had to cast it, I wouldn't be able to finish the show. Here's hoping that I am wrong and that I didn't do more damage.

I am in a holding pattern. Waiting to a good job opportunity and trying to get settled. I don't believe that I made a mistake by moving to the bay, but I wish I knew more of what I want. Being tired with a bum ankle certainly doesn't help.

I think I will take a nap and then head to Walnut Creek. Courtney and I are scheduled to do a little shopping. That should get me out of the dumps.

Gratitudes:
1. a generous roommate
2. the ability to do a fun musical
3. cheese - it's decadent and delicious - especially at the cheeseboard
4. workman's comp
5. nice weather
6. working internet
7. some of my past students. specifically those that are gathering to go over past combinations and choreograph new ones.

I could talk about my run in with the police

but i am tired and will save this for another day. i ate a ton at the Monday Night Dinner potluck, however for some strange reason, I am hungry again. There's nothing really in my fridge that I can just heat up (that I have not already eaten today) so I may just suck it and go to sleep.

I am grateful for:
1. good friends who get you jobs
2. potlucks!
3. fresh food
4. living in a walkable neighborhood
5. students that "get it"

Um, the refrigerator beckons...

Saturday night and I ain't got nobody...

I cannot believe it's been a full week since I've posted. It's been a crazy week, so it's not truly surprising, but still. The end of my Davis tenure, the opening of my first show out of school in 2 years and the healing of my ankle. I am sitting on the couch with 2 purring kitties. Life is good.

Gratitudes:
1. wine, it makes a body good
2. generous and understanding castmates
3. berkeley (i cannot wait until i get my bike here)
4. health coverage (it's gone as of 9/23 so i'd better find a replacement
5. the rain
6. Indian food - in particular kathmandu kitchen in davis.

"night!

Saturday Night on the Rocks!

I am just finishing up a margarita as I do a little online dating correspondence. I am beat. I went into the city today to meet Julia Levy's former roommate Betsy with some of her friends in from NY. I felt like I was on a little adventure. I parked at the MacArthur BART and got off at the Powell Street station. Met up with the ladies at Parc 55 and then we took the 45 bus to Cow Hollow and then to the Wharf for lunch.

I then left them and took the F to Embarcadero BART and sped back to grab my car and get to rehearsal. I arrived one minute late. I forget how long it takes to travel by public transit.

Either way, I was proud of myself for strapping on my aircast and heading into the big bad city. The ladies were nice and I could feel slightly more native since I do indeed live here and was not carrying the map.

The run-through went well tonight. It was our last run in the studio and after our day-off tomorrow we are in tech all day on Monday. I taped my ankle and wore my tennis shoes and it wasn't too painful. There was a bit of throbbing, but dealable. I hope to run to Payless tomorrow morning and grab some shoe possibilities for Monday. Hopefully something with a little heel.

Tomorrow Randy and I are heading up to Sausalito to hang with Christine and clan on their cool houseboat. We will probably spend the afternoon sailing. I am super excited.

Gratitudes:
1. my aircast
2. supportive castmates
3. easy public transit
4. clean sheets
5. fresh food
6. tequila

'Night!

Thursday musings

I am on the couch with an ice wrap and on ankle and a kitty fresh from my belly. I don't have to be to Davis until 10:30 or so, so I have a bit of time. I was going to try and get some doctors appointments in before my health insurance with the university ends on the 23rd, but I really needed a morning in. I have been working myself WAY to hard and I have to let this ankle heal.

The show is going well, but we will need every ounce of the week that we have left until preview. At least at the theatre the set is coming in in pieces and there's still nothing "tricked out" about the golf cart. It makes it a little difficult to rehearse since we really don't know what we can play with.

My apartment is still quite a disaster area. I am trying to get things put away and organized, but I need help. My parents get into town in a few weeks, so that will be great. I will also have time once the show opens since I will be done teaching in Davis. I trust the ankle will heal quickly, so I can start pounding the pavement and look for a job. My guess is that I will temping and grabbing an agent so I can make money and start getting out there as an actor.

The weather has been good. Nice in the mornings and evenings and not too hot during the day. Or at least my time outside has not been too bad. It's pretty amazing the difference in temperature on my route. Last night I left Walnut Creek and it was 83 at 10:30PM. When I got back to Berkeley at 11 at was 67. I was worried that it would be super cold here, but luckily it's not bad.

Scheduled a home massage tomorrow and then plan to gather with one of Julia Levy's friends from NY. I may see Randy in the evening, as well. We will see. The Bay Bridge closes tonight for the weekend, so this may be interesting. I have a feeling that traffic will be a nightmare.

But I have to get through today first. A nice drive to Davis, lunch with Jennifer Chuang, 2 classes and then a stress-free rehearsal at the studio.

Here's hoping!

Gratitudes!
1. wine
2. moms who listen - or in this case MY MOM!
3. lovely weather
4. ice packs
5. shuttle drivers that show up

Injury central

So today in class I did a back ball change where I twisted my ankle and fell to the floor. I guess I was so graceful that my students did not even notice. Or at least most of them did not. Luckily, I finished the combination today and they are already prepping for their final projects.

But it's a huge exercise in patience and crisis management. When my students found out I was injured (or saw that I had a bag of frozen peas on my elevated leg) they asked if I was okay. Unfortunately, they had no idea what to do when I said, "no, I am not all right."

I decided to wait for Shelly to arrive since I knew she would offer some sage advice. She asked two of her students to carry me where I needed to go. And after the health center and disability services could not do anything to help, I took them up on their offer. The health center said to come on in. However, since I could not walk, I was not able to get there. Disability services could take me to the center, but once I was done, I would have no way back. So, these nice students carried me to my car and I drove myself to the health center. I them called inside and someone came out with a wheelchair.

It was right at the end of the day so it was super quiet and I was worried no one would be around to see me. There were two doctors on call and one was the horrible doctor I met with about a year and a half ago. When the nurse said that she would be in, I asked if there was anyone else. By the time she put my history in the other doctor came up. So, in about 2 minutes I was being looked at by him. We were optimistic and after x-rays there were no breaks or fractures seen. So, I have a sprain.

I am hobbling along on crutches and have started to be able to put a little weight on it. I am currently on the couch after a nice bath, a bit of Ben & Jerry's with a nice bag of frozen mixed veggies on my elevated leg.

I canceled class tomorrow and I plan to rest up to get back to work as soon as I can. I am worried about On the Town, but I am trying to stay as positive as possible.

Send all good juju my way, please. I'll take all I can get.

Gratitudes:
1. T/D staff members who listen
2. Kind students with muscles and generous spirits
3. Ice cream!
4. Health center workers who stay late
5. All the friends from far and wide sending love on Facebook

Week 5

Tomorrow starts both week 5 of the second summer session and On the Town rehearsals. As I sit here on the couch in my disorganized apartment, I feel like I'm on the verge. Just as I felt leaving Atlanta, I really have no idea what's in store. Once my class ends on the 10th of September and then when On the Town closes on the 27th, I have NOTHING lined up.

Nothing.

Unfortunately, the bills keep coming and I will need to eat. But I am super excited for the adventures yet to come. Here's hoping that someone hires me and it's something that I want to do.

For the time being, here's the gratitudes:
1. BATHS - I have been devoid of a bathtub for the last 2 years. What a shame!
2. Wine. Um, it's delish
3. Energetic and caring castmates
4. A grocery store in walking distance to my house
5. Loving kitties
6. Cheese - both the kind you eat and some of the funny stuff in the show

Nighty, night!

Sitting here in my robe

drinking a glass of wine and piddling on the internet before I hit the hay. The best news of the day is that I took a bath. Yes, folks after 2 years of living in my small apartment in Davis with no bathtub, I got to relax and lie back and sing, sing, sing. Maxie jumped on the side wall which he used to do in Atlanta. It was funny seeing him remember his old routine.

Rehearsals have been good. Today, however was a long day. We ran the entire show with Company C, but the AC was not working or not on. Therefore it was super hot in the studio and very uncomfortable. It made everyone cranky and tired. Tomorrow we have the sitzprobe at 1PM so my morning is wide open. Looking forward to doing stuff around the house and perhaps heading to the 4th Street area to look for work. Maybe I should print some resumes out before I do that.

Ah, too tired to even think about it.

Gratitudes:
1. My friend Jamie for taking a load of crap in my car and coming into the Bay last night to party it up
2. My friend Chad for picking up my patio furniture in Davis and delivering it to me in Berkeley sometime this week
3. My partner in crime Mark for truly making our scenes exciting
4. Mindy Cooper for being a sensitive director
5. frozen yogurt - it's delish