The Lady Has Left the Building

After a very positive life coaching consultation I picked up my Getting Business to Come to Me book that I threw down a few months ago. I freaked out because it discouraged doing a business that was more than ONE thing. Since Namaste Gourmet is yoga AND officiating AND coaching, I stopped reading. I did decide to let go of personal cheffing, but I could not pare down anymore than that.

So, as I made the move back to NY I am trying all avenues. And in all actuality I've tried all avenues for most of my life. I am thankful for the journey and truly think that the twists and turns have led me to exactly where I'm supposed to be.

I wish I kept reading the Getting Business to Come to Me book months ago, since I think I would be further along. While the authors stress focus, as I read further in the chapter they also encourage umbrella businesses that make sense. So, while I can act, do arts administration, teach and a dozen of other things, I am confusing my potential clients. When people think of me they probably think ALL of the things I do and I need to be clear. Who am I and can I be taken seriously?

So, in a flash, I decided to work on NG solely and let go of all of the arts stuff. I announced it on Facebook this morning and got a bit of support. I will certainly satisfy my creative side and my performative qualities (through yoga and officiating) and I will do what I do best - helping and inspiring others.

Once I made the announcement I proceeded to hit my eye on the corner of my table as I reached down to turn on my power strip. I also had delivery issues with both the pet supply store and the wine store. I spent hours in my apartment waiting for things that never came. I hope these are not warning signs, because I am not afraid - black eye or no.

I was thinking of giving up this blog when my apartment was fully settled and decorated, but it feels right to do it now. So, no more bitching and complaining. No more uncertainty and wishing things to happen. No more questioning the best path.

I have chosen.

Or perhaps it has chosen me.

Over lunch last week my friend Wesley encouraged me to write my stories down especially if I let the blog go. I'm sure I will, but it may not be a public forum.

So, this here lady is back in the East where she belongs. How 'bout some gratitudes before a little over and out?

1. a forum to document the journey and a few people that followed along

2. support from some friends and family

3. great resources

4. the ability to be flexible and endure - like a true survivor

5. the strength to know what I want and to go out and get it

Two drinks in, gratitudes!

I had a really light day today. I finished my Carl Hiassen book and waited for my case from the Chelsea Wine Market. When it didn't come as expected (just like last month) I called and rescheduled. I then headed over to Jossie's who was in the process of making a cake for David Grenke's surprise birthday party. I helped her color the fondant and decorate some cupcakes. She was freaking out, but I did my best to stay on task and get it done. She was attending the party and I was not dressed for it, so I headed home. I watched the latest episode of House and made myself a yummy gin and tonic. I then made a dinner of ravioli, leftover steak and butter lettuce with half an avocado. Since I had a bottle of red opened I poured myself a glass.

Since I was a little tipsy and bored I called a number of friends - Jennifer Denning, Michael Gaffney, Angela Aquino, Suehyla El-Attar. I spoke to two of the four.

Since I could not get to the library and finished my book this morning, I had little to do. So, here I sit at the McDonald's downloading The Mentalist and checking my email.

Email was on the light side, but the show downloaded, so I will head home. Tomorrow I head back to Jackson Heights to work on the Guggenheim stillspotting project. I do need to head to The Whitney to grab my water bottle. Here's hoping it's there after leaving it in the loading dock last night. I feel things are just kind of status quo. I hope for a little bump in the next week or so.

In the meantime, there are things I am grateful for:
1. warm weather
2. thunderstorms ( I cannot remember the last time I saw lightening and heard thunder)
3. catering leftovers
4. friends who answer their phones
5. a cookbook about to be published

Something's Got to Budge!

I have internet access for a moment, so I thought I should quickly blog before I go to bed. Lots of crappy stuff and a little bit in the option department make for a bit of progress. Or at least a shimmer of optimism.

I started the bright and sunny day heading down to the Herald Square area for an interview at another temp job. I filled out all of the paperwork and it seems like there is some work to be had. But the recruiter was afraid that my resume would scare people away. According to my resume I have not done strictly Admin work in over 10 years - not since Coke. So, she encouraged me to "dumb" down my resume and make sure to add the temp work from the East Bay that I did in 2009/10, as well as the personal assisting work I did in 2010/11. I am getting more catering bookings from the 2 companies I work with, but I really need more. And in fact tonight, I worked another of those parties where I felt like "the help." The Hamptons set that were above it all and just felt privileged. For a moment I wished I was a guest at the party, but then I thought "why would I want to be friends with these people?"

In any case, I have not looked at my balance statement from March and April, but I am pretty sure that my expenses outweighed my income - especially due to the move.

Speaking of which, I found out today that my sofa will not be delivered for at least another month, the moving company is offering a measly $50 in settlement for my damaged armoire and my Oakland landlord never got my letter requesting the monies taken out for painting from my security deposit.

I am also still owed money from 3 other sources.

Maria and I talked about this last night since she is waiting on settlement money from her old dentist.

WHY IS THIS ALL SO STINKIN' HARD?

I am doing more work with Spoons Over America and hope to work with more event planners in the area. I know that something is bound to budge soon.

How 'bout some gratitude?
1. sunny days
2. the library (and movie rentals)
3. internet at McDonald's and right now at my apartment
4. a nice big kitchen
5. wine

Saturday Gratitudes

Greetings from LI. I came out yesterday to watch David while my brother and sister-in-law went to a wedding. I had fun with my nephew playing in a fort, watching Scooby Doo and walking around the block. Right now it's quiet while he and his mom nap. I just finished reading The Girl Who Kicked The Hornet's Nest and am excited to start reading Sara's Key when I get back into the city.

A few things to be thankful for:
1. a great meeting with an event planner that may lead to Namaste Gourmet work
2. a good yoga class yesterday and talk of an audition to sub at the studio
3. great wine
4. hearing "I love you" from my nephew
5. 3 catering jobs this week

Transition - A Photo Journal

The lack of internet at home has caused me to truly pick and choose what I spend my time on. That and working the Yoga Journal Conference for the past 4 days, updating the blog has not been much of a priority. I said I would post photos of my new place, so here you go! These were taken on April 11th.

The view from my entrance way into the main room. You can see a hint of the threshold that leads to the bathroom and kitchen at the left edge. Those were the last of the boxes. And yes, they are my last to unpack. 

 The air mattress I slept on the for the first month. The chair enabled Lincoln to climb up onto the window sill.

 And the delivery of the new furniture. I moved the tall IKEA bookcase further to the left along the same wall. Isn't it pretty. There are 4 drawers in the bed platform that certainly assist with storage.

Maxie already found a good place to hang out!

The bookcase in it's final place. The floor is also pretty even here, so it no longer looks like a leaning tower!

More unpacking and organizing.

but I've started to hang art!

The bathroom and the "hallway" that leads to the kitchen.

No news is no news

Access to a free wifi connection has not returned to my apartment, so it's been more difficult to post on a regular basis. I promise to upload some photos tomorrow, but I have not been hugely motivated.

I am having a down day since I did not get the restaurant job I interviewed for on Friday and I don't have any paid work coming my way until NEXT WEDNESDAY. I did have a good few days with my first Seder night at my house and then playing with my lovable nephew on Saturday and Sunday.

I tried to watch one of my library movies last night and after repeated attempts the disc got caught in my computer and didn't come out. My big excitement today was finally getting out of bed (where I could easily have read The Girl Who Played With Fire all day) and heading down to the Apple Store on Broadway and 67th. Luckily the replacement of my optical drive was covered under Apple Care so I just had to wait about 45 minutes for them to fix it.

I was able to check my email and start downloading some TV shows at the library today and continued my online adventures at the Apple Store and now at the local McDonald's. Nothing else to report so I will just head home and continue my reading and try and stay optimistic.

Photo Delinquent!

I've taken a bunch of photos, but the Internet is spotty at my apartment and I have yet to upload and post. Of course, I have a strong connection now, but am too tired to get out of bed and grab my camera. Sorry.

I worked another Cleaver event on Monday and this evening did my first for USE. It was a big dud. A party with wine and water and some fried plantains for the bar. That's it. My job was to replenish the bar snacks and bus. As is typical, the crowd did not move so it was difficult to maneuver around them.

How 'bout a little gratitude?
1. sunny days
2. catering leftovers
3. an extra bottle of white
4. the return of WIFI in my apartment
5. a super comfy mattress!

Late Night/Early Morning

Worked my first Cleaver gig tonight and it didn't suck and neither did I. Actually, it was great and a fairly easy ride. No unloading of the van. The cool thing is that they were able to drive it into the building and up to the 15th floor to unload it. I also didn't have to help break everything down at the end of the night and load the van. Once the party was done, we already packed up the kitchen and I LEFT with the rest of the kitchen ladies.

The view out the window of our make shift kitchen was pretty great. We were all the way over on the westside, so views of NJ and the Hudson. And construction down by the World Trade Center. It did remind me of views of the Bay Bridge from some of the parties I catered with Hugh.

I was a little nervous going in tonight and I did feel a bit apprehensive in places. I worked with veterans, so they were kind and showed me the ropes. I just need to feel more assured of my work and not worried so much about proving myself. I am totally skilled and capable. And I luckily left with lots of leftovers - which comes in handy because food is STINKIN' EXPENSIVE IN THIS CITY.

Kim offered rides to us which was very generous. She dropped me at 42nd and 7th. I think she took Dianna to the train and Valere all the way up to 125th but closer to the east side. The 1 was crowded, but luckily I got a seat when folks transferred to the Express.

Some gratitudes before slumber:
1. nice co-workers
2. strong coffee
3. connecting with more Atlanta folks
4. catering leftovers
5. possibilities

Working Girl!

Let the river run, baby!

While I did do a bit of work as part of Agriculture Literacy Week, my true first job starts tomorrow. I am working culinary for The Cleaver Co. and hoping that I can handle the demands. Jossie lent me her knife roll and Dianna has a jacket for me to borrow. My clogs are too big so I have to exchange them, so I hope that my feet will hold up in my black Doc Maarten's. Yesterday I was hired to do front of house work with Union Square Hospitality's catering arm. I am back working on Souper Jenny's cookbook, so I think I will be able to pay rent for April on income and not savings.

Which is a great thing.

I have 2 potential musicians for my cabaret, but no takers on Funny Bone. I did see Sara Zimmerman's show on Monday night and I love Dixon Place where she performed. It's a perfect intimate venue.

I am still looking for more full time work, but so far nothing that's even worth applying. I will be doing my Work Exchange shifts for the Yoga Journal conference in a few weeks, so I cannot accept full time work anyway. I am looking forward to working with the conference, but hope I get a chance to actually take some classes. I think it's weird that we have to pay $100 to do it, so hopefully I am not too tired and overworked to actually enjoy the programming.

Things for which I'm grateful:
1. access to high speed internet
2. the sunshine
3. food in the fridge and the ability to cook it
4. taking my first yoga class where I was the only student
5. snuggly kitties

Lazy Saturday

It's 6:44pm and I am still in my pajamas. I don't think that will change for the rest of the day. It's still light out which is a welcome part of the season. I have been in bed most of the day reading The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and jumping on the computer to check email and the like.

The air mattress is not the best for my body and my neck and back both are not happy with me, but just lounging and napping for most of the day has been great. Looking around the apartment I do feel the same sense of home that I did in Oakland. I just now can't wait for my furniture so I can finish organizing and start finding a resting place for the last bit of stuff.

On the more positive front, I did finally move the backpack in the center of the floor and there was no dead animal or insect underneath. And I ate really well today.

Veggies and eggs on a leftover brioche
Panfried tilapia and a romaine salad
Sauteed garlic kale with some leftover fries

The kitties are calmly resting and I will get back into bed and read some more. Tomorrow I plan to do a walking tour of the city. I know it's touristy, but it will get me back familiar with the city and heck, they're free. I am also toying with joining the Fourth Street Co-op. I may head down there tomorrow to see if it's worth it.

I will also not go to sleep tonight without having a sparkly clean kitchen sink. I would love to say that I will keep that up, but I can certainly try.

Gratitudes:
1. moving forward on the networking front
2. Souper Jenny's cookbook closer to completion
3. having time and savings to chill out all day
4. an unlimited MetroCard
5. relative quiet in the neighborhood today

Fear of the Unknown

I got home from drinks with Julia and her friends and poured myself a glass of wine and got into bed to watch Revolutionary Road. I knew it would be a depressing film and I am in a weird state currently. I guess just sad. I am laying here with the lights out in the relative quiet as I hear Maxie stalk something.

When the movie finished I got up and turned on the light in a moment of courage. However, I was not brave enough to lift my backpack that Maxie had his paw under. And now I am just too wimpy to do anything. I originally thought it was a mouse, but I think it may be a large bug.

When my old friend Katy came to town last week we went to see the final preview of Once on Broadway. She went to Emory with one of the cast members a few years after me, but had yet to tell him that she was in the audience. At the end of Act 1 we saw them setting up drinks on the bar of the set on stage and I looked at Katy and said "Let's go!" She questioned our ability of getting up there, but I did not. We walked up to the stage and apparently they put a limit on the number of people up there. So, we walked up to one of the ushers who said that the best way to let a cast member know that we were in the audience was to speak to the stage manager - who just happened to be ON THE STAGE. So, we marched back down and I told the monitor that we needed to speak with the stage manager. Without any hesitation, he said to go on up. I walked up to her and told her that we knew someone in the cast and then Katy took over. After our brief exchange we walked away, and Katy got hit with the fact that she was standing on a Broadway stage. It didn't give me the same sensation. But I thought about it and I think it may have been my first time, too. We then saw Vanessa Williams, also on stage. She looked tiny.

I think it may have been pre-show at dinner that Katy mentioned that she always remembers me as someone who has balls. There was a sense of excitement there. It could have been the wine, but it was certainly more than that. I told her that I thought I lost that quality year ago. But the memory of it brought it back and I acted with such assurance during intermission.

It's funny to me that I lay here now, in the dark afraid of the unknown. Be it a bug or a mouse. Or perhaps a kitty toy. I am sure I am affected by the movie and its theme of being unhappy in the life you're in and wishing for more. Maxie has since moved to the window for a nap and the salsa music has started blaring outside.

I'll take it as a sign to go to sleep and perhaps in the morning I will be less sad.

Tuesday Quickie!

My internet connection was so strong last night that the final episode of The Walking Dead fully downloaded by the time I was done with the blog post.

yes, that fast.

So, of course I watched it.

Lots of gore, lots of twists and turns and introduction of something bigger. I woke up a little more tired and not fully rested than I'd hoped.

Today I went down to Chelsea Market to interview with one catering company, then to Chinatown to get reflexology, have some dumplings and lead 2 workshops and then up to Union Square to interview for yet another restaurant group. So, yes when I got home I ate some Chinese food leftovers - an augmented fried rice - and then crashed.

So, no yoga again.

I had a quick conversation with Suehyla and then my parents, did some more work on the cookbook and then poured a glass of wine while watching Ken Burns' Prohibition. I was a little distracted and did not watch fully. I kept checking email and directions. I don't think I learned as much or truly took in all of the information I could. I will certainly view the second 2 DVDs with more attention. Once I renew them from the library.

I should already be sleeping - like the cat on my leg - but first a few gratitudes:
1. cheap and decent food
2. kind interviewers
3. gorgeous weather
4. great public transportation
5. working out my muscles (which take a beating on the air mattress/and from a stressful move)

Quick Monday Gratitudes

I led 3 workshops for Agriculture Literacy Week today, picked up the replacement check for the bounced one, grabbed some Chinese food, did a bit of work and had a good Skype conversation with Souper Jenny about the cookbook at the Hamilton Grange Library. Once I got home I put on my yoga clothes, but completely crashed. When I woke I missed yoga, cooked some dinner, did a bit of notes and feedback on the cookbook and they got into bed to watch 2 episodes of The Walking Dead. I have a great internet connection, so I'm downloading the season finale and I will watch it tomorrow.

A good day.

Here's what I'm thankful for:
1. Express trains
2. Smart & welcoming students
3. Fresh veggies
4. A gorgeous day
5. being back on the cookbook

Passion and Violence

I have been laying low lately. My dance card is largely empty so I have been getting enough sleep, failing to decide where I want my bookcase and heading to the library to use the internet and check out movies. I made a good bit of headway at the library yesterday. Ordering a copy of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo to be delivered to my branch and sitting for a few hours up in the kid's section where I ordered business cards, downloaded some more of The Walking Dead and caught up on my Words with Friends on Facebook.

I got home and checked my mail and that's when the shit hit the fan. The deposit check that I got back from the first realtor, you know the one that lost that first apartment, IT BOUNCED. 

BOUNCED.

As in insufficient funds. Not only was I out the $750, but also a bank charge for the returned check. I was pissed. I called my parents and then the round of phone calls started. Leaving a stern message on the realty phone, calling the last agent I worked with and then calling the issuing bank. It seemed like there was money in the account and there has been recent activity. The banker could not tell me much, but it sounded like I could redeposit the check and then I would just have to get the bank fee. So, I took the 1 up to W181 and waited in a huge line at the CitiBank only to find out that I could not cash the check. The teller could only tell me so much, but basically she said that something was up with the account and since it was not verified she could not give me the money. She also said that if I tried to re-cash the check it would not go through.

SHIT.

I had plans for the evening, so I need to let this go, hoping that I would be able to get answers in the morning. 

I met Jossie on the platform at W145 and we went downtown to meet her friend Liane. Some brief shopping/browsing and then off to Little Italy for dinner. It didn't wow me, but it was good. Some ceasar salad, pesto gnocchi and a glass of Montepuliciano. We stopped at a little bakery on Mulberry for a Sfigotell and then uptown to see Traci at The National Comedy Theatre.

When we entered the N train there was a guy with a big sign holding a bucket for donations. He ranted about not patronizing Bank of America and Turbo Tax due to their bad business practices and alluded to the raping of young children in India. I was the only person standing since there was not much room to sit with Jossie and Liane on the bench. The raving man yelled that I was blocking his sign and asked that I move over. I did once, but he yelled at me again and then the fun started. I said that I was standing on the subway. And I was not in the middle of the car, I was over the side. He started yelling that I was obstructing justice and it quickly escalated to him calling me a Fucking Cunt.

Yeah, fun.

After about 45 seconds of him now ranting at me, I had enough. The rage from getting screwed over the the realtor TWICE rose through my body and up to my face and I matched his ranting. 

NO, FUCK YOU!

It was a heated mess and the rest of the train car looked on in amazement. He accused me of purposefully coming after him and I put up my hands up in my best Scooby Doo monster impersonation and did my best Hoogalie Boogalie voice. This guy at the end of the train, just bust out laughing. There was a mix of laughter and just people staring in horror. The ranting man was not amused and said that I need to be careful. While he would not do anything, if I crossed the wrong person I would get a bullet in the head. Apparently there was also an Indian man at the other end of the car on the verge of tears. By this time Mr. Raver was calling me a Hindu loving rapist and Jossie said this clearly affected this man.

We switched cars at 34th Street and exited at 42nd where we saw the ranting guy leave the train and head back down to the Downtown platform. That's when Liane called 311 to report it.

The show was fun and we got home safely and I was happy to check my email and see a message from the realtor apologizing for the returned check and trying to schedule when I can pick up a re-issued one. I told him I would come by on Monday. Fingers crossed that he's true to his word.

The last bit of violence happened just a bit ago. It sounded like a child was having a temper tantrum and stomping on the floor. Then I hear whimpering and a high pitched scream and I started getting worried. I just imaged some domestic abuse. A door opened and it sounded like a man did not want a woman to leave the apartment. Once I heard steps I quietly left my apartment, saw blood on the hallway floor and on the stairs and found a crying boy of about 12 years old with a bloody mouth holding on to the wall upstairs. I certainly did not want to get in the middle of anything and endanger myself. I quickly asked him if he was okay. All he was able to say was that it was his brother. I asked how I could help him, but I feared that the brother was close by. The boy was catching his breath and I slid back into my apartment. Luckily, I heard the police come about 10 minutes later. No screaming, no sounds of violence, so I hope all is well.

Maxie is, of course, back under the covers and after all of the violence and acts of passion that's kind of where I want to be, as well.

Down for the Count

My boxes were delivered today and while it was a pretty painless process, I still wound up losing almost a full box of kitchen ceramics and glasses, and have a gash in the dresser that I intended to sell. My parents were awesome and came in this morning to help me put most my belongings away.

They left around noon and I started watching 'The Walking Dead' episodes that I downloaded yesterday. And then I crashed. I hoped to make it to yoga, but that's not happening. I will probably spend the rest of the evening getting things where I want them and organizing my closets. The floor is nowhere close to level so I need to shim my bookcase to even things out. I also have my artwork and framed pictures that may just have to wait until my furniture arrives.

Nothing new on the job front today, but I have a great 'in' with one of the higher-end catering companies. I will move forward on that tomorrow.

I am super happy that I have not gotten sick and think that the good amount of sleep I've gotten served me well.

Here's to settling in NY, finding work and community & taking advantage of all of the arts and culture around me.

And then some things to be grateful for:
1. my parents
2. leftovers in the fridge, but I think I will have to cave and buy a small microwave
3. owning a step ladder
4. warm weather in NY
5. someone's open WIFI connection

Tuesday Night Gratitudes

I have been bitching and moaning a bit and realized there has not been much in terms of gratitude. So, here you go!

1. My parents. They are pains in the asses and protective as hell, but their hearts are in the right place. And I honestly could not have made the move without them.
2. Amazing weather
3. The movers delivering my STUFF tomorrow morning!
4. Helpful people in my neighborhood and building
5. Lots of Atlanta people living in NY

I promise there will be photos tomorrow. I took some on my mothers phone today and need to email them to myself.

Bring Me My Stuff!

I have pared down my material belongings quite a bit in preparation for this move. I had 36 boxes and bins, plus my armoire, night table and step ladder/ironing board pack. I have been getting regular emails on where my stuff was. AK, TN, PA and on Friday I got the NY confirmation. The message said that a dispatcher would call 1-2 days out to schedule delivery. I called yesterday and today and left messages. When I finally spoke with someone in the NY office, the guys sounded almost surprised about the reason for my call.

"You have my stuff, I want my stuff."
"Oh, when do you want it?"
"Um, NOW!"

Mama needs clean underwear. And some furniture to put my clothes away - until the furniture I ordered comes in 2-4 weeks.

I went out for beer and a light dinner with Traci Redmond who I knew from Atlanta. When she went to the powder room (I'm bringing the term back, by the by.) I checked my phone and there was an automated message from the delivery people who handle IKEA. Needless to say, I could not get through with them, so I am not sure when my little table and bookcase will be delivered.

My parents were set to come in early tomorrow morning to help me assemble, but they may come in later. My dad sounded a little frustrated that everything was not set to come tomorrow morning.

I spent most of today at the library looking for jobs, finishing my taxes and downloading The Walking Dead. Jossie Diel who was in undergrad when I was in grad school at UC Davis moved here on Tuesday, also. We hung at the library and grabbed some inexpensive Chinese food for lunch. She lives with Allison Minick and Laura Snell, two other UC Davis alums on W142. I have to say it's nice to have folks close by. I have a feeling that I will be seeing them a bit. And with Wesley Usher on W103, Maria on W116 and Julia on W89, I do have a small posse up here.

I look forward to organizing my stuff and opening the house to celebrate!

Mostly Quiet Saturday morn

Dominicans (or maybe Latinos in general) are loud. I heard lots of yelling on the street last night and jaunty singing from an apartment on my floor. I crashed around 9:30PM last night. Maxie was up and about and Lincoln kept going to the front door and cried. I am not sure if it's protection or if he sees ghosts. He is finally quiet this morning. However, as one of my neighbors whistled down the hallway, Maxie ran back under the covers. But in general, it's nice and quiet as I type.

I will be back on LI again tonight as we celebrate David's 3rd Birthday. I'm sure the cats will keep adjusting, just as I am.

We drove in from Long Island yesterday afternoon and I had an interview at a temp agency in Midtown. It all went well, but truth is the agency is not getting any assignments. So, my hope of landing work this week has fizzled. My parents dropped me off for the interview at 1:15PM and drove up to my apartment to unload the shopping loot and start lining my shelves. I joined them around 2:30PM. My super was supposed to come over at 4PM, but he did not show so I called him at 4:10PM and he came up about 5 minutes later. He does not speak much English so I have no idea what happened. I met one of my neighbors who said he's the worst. Doesn't get things done in time, etc. We bought window blinds that were too small, so we will get some new ones today. We also asked him to replace the toilet seat with a new one we purchased. Apparently he did not know what he was doing and basically destroyed the new one trying to install. I stayed out of it since my parents are so involved. We eventually put the old one back on and my Dad said he would take care of it.

After he left we had some wine in some coffee mugs (since my wine glasses have not arrived yet) and went out to Margot Restaurant, a Dominican place up on W159th and B'way. A little hole in the wall where everyone spoke Spanish, but the menu was in both Spanish and English. We had Garlic Shrimp, Oxtails and Fried Pork Ribs. Rice, beans and sweet plaintains. Delicioso! I am sure we will be back.

In fact, I will probably eat the leftovers now before heading down to Penn Station to catch a train out to Hicksville. A stop at IKEA, Bed Bath and Beyond, and Fairway before heading to David's birthday party. I am trying not to be sore that I was never officially invited to said party. On Thursday night as I played with David he verbally asked me to come to his party. We know invitations went out, but my brother and sister-in-law are not the best with communicating. I knew the party was at a 'bouncy house,' but didn't know where or what time. In fact, there was a birthday gathering last night with Keri's parents, but no one ever called to let my parents know. There was also a plan to have cake back at my brother's house, but even after my parents asked about it on Thursday they said they had not discussed it yet. My dad and brother had words on the phone during dinner last night and when they did eventually go over for cake, my brother was quiet. He didn't speak to my parents at all.

Ah, the joys of family! And I came back to this?

Sense of Home

While I am not settled by any stretch of the imagination, I do feel a sense of ease and comfort being back in NY. I did a bunch of shopping yesterday with my parents and while I drove home from dinner with my mother there was a feeling that I live here. That I am not visiting, but have a home here. And while I didn't grow up where my parents live now, nor am I familiar with where I currently live in Washington Heights it does not feel so foreign to me.

After a great sushi dinner with my mother last night, we stopped by my brother and sister-in-law's house to see my nephew. He turns 3 today. He is such a little bundle of energy and love. He wants to play and giggle and use the ipad. I cannot wait until it's warm enough that we can go outside and play. His birthday party tomorrow is at one of those bouncy houses. I don't know what to expect, but I know we will all have a blast.

My parents have been awesome. They are stocking me up with everything I need. Trips to Walmart, Target, and some furniture stores yesterday. Today is Petsmart, Bed Bath and Beyond before heading back into the city from Long Island so I can go on my temp agency interview.

The kitties are fairing well. Maxie has finally come out from under the covers. However, I don't believe either has pooped since we've arrived. I stayed at my parents house last night and will be back in my apartment this afternoon. While it's not the most pleasant, I will welcome a dirty, smelly litter box.

I'd Better Learn Spanish

As someone without secured income as I moved to NY, getting an apartment has been difficult. I lost the one apartment that excited me in Inwood and I felt the need to find something else. As I made the final decision to apply for the place I am currently in on W156th my agent said I really needed to find a guarantor. I had a hard time getting in touch with my sister-in-law and my agent was waiting in front of the office building of another friend who was loaning me the application fee.

I felt like I had to make a decision and the original pendulum swung to let the apartment go. My parents already offered a temporary home for me and the cats, however I really didn't want to move them twice. When I did hear from my sister-in-law everything moved ahead so fast. I was approved later that day and the following day I was getting cashiers checks and signing my life away.

The big thing is that I was not excited. Seeing how things are now, I should have let the apartment go, lived with my folks and looked for units myself once I got here. Perhaps it's that I am not familiar with the area, or perhaps it's that most people speak Spanish in these parts - and I do not. Or perhaps it's that these guys hang on the stoop right next to my apartment until the wee hours of the morning. Or perhaps I was awakened this morning by a women pounding on a door on my floor screaming, "Fucking bitch!"

I am not really sure. It's probably a bit of all of them. But I have two furry nubbins that are either hiding under the covers or walking around the apartment screaming and crying.

While I am certainly calmer than that, I want to feel safe. I hate that my dad heard that I need to stay away from certain blocks and subway stops. I want to feel comfortable in my neighborhood, but it feels that I have already been beaten.

It's a beautiful sunny day in NY and the feel is certainly different during the day than it was last night. This transition was not easy at any point. It makes me doubt the decision and want to join Maxie hiding under the covers.

I did set up the card table and folding chair by the sunny window. So, as I sit here typing using some neighbor's open WIFI I will continue to look for jobs and pray to the appropriate saints to ease this transition.

Airport Check-in

Currently at Gate 57 at SFO and they just began boarding. The cats are in okay shape. They were noisy on the shuttle to the airport and have been pretty quiet since. The security folks were awesome. Instead of making us take the cats out of their carriers and walk through the sensors with them in our arms, they took them to a private room, took their carriers away to scan and checked each cat individually by hand. It gave them a chance to stretch their legs before getting back in their carriers for the long haul in store.

I am super calm right now. Curious to know where we will all be in 6 hours time.

Wish us luck!

Snafu Fighter!

This whole move has been full of snafus. I get an apartment and it gets taken away. I sell my car, but forget my registration at home and I feared the whole deal would be lost. And then yesterday, the Uhuru folks showed up to get the remaining furniture, but they declined on my bookcase and sofa bed. They took my coffee table that had scratches and bumps, but since there was wear on the arms and a tear on a seam in the front, they decided not to take it.

Yes, a freak out ensued.

I called my neighbor Alyah since her partner, Nicole said she was interested in the sofa when she helped me look through the recycling bin to find my car registration. So Alyah came by to look at it, but alas it was too big. She was amazing and took the bookcase and offered to take care of couch even if it meant dragging it down to the basement in the meantime.

My friend Amy came by as Alyah talked me down. She thought she was interrupting a tearful goodbye. I felt better knowing there was a Plan B, but I took a moment to post the couch on craigslist and freecycle. We took an hour to grab some Ethiopian food by Grand Lake before coming back to my apartment to keep cleaning, packing and boxing items up for donation and the trash. Luckily there were emails from two people interested in the couch. I called the first one and scheduled her to come at 9:30AM this morning. We got a lot done last night. I really could not have done it without Amy. She took lots away and forced me to throw a bunch of shit away. Knowing that I needed more help I texted my friend Ayla to see if she could come early to help with the nitty gritty before taking me to meet my mother at the one of the airport hotels.

At 8:30AM this morning I got a call from the couch lady. Her husband was called into work, so no go. No, no, not another snafu! I texted Alyah giving her a heads up that she may need to deal with it. I also reposted on Craigslist and emailed the second guy who contacted me last night. Luckily, the guy from last night was still interested. He enlisted his cousin and the guys came by around 10:30PM to grab it. It's amazing that a couch I hoped to sell for $500, that I couldn't donate, left my apartment for $50.

Fifty bucks!

My friend Ayla came by around noon and we took care of everything else. It was a lot of work to do the last bit. Getting everything that I wanted to take in my suitcases and decide to toss the rest. As I zipped my second suitcase I noticed that the zipper pulled from the case. I called my mother who had already arrived. We talked about her bringing a suitcase with her, but decided against it. Luckily there were a number of stores right by the hotel, so we yet again had a plan. Snafu avoided!

The ride to the hotel was a challenge as I anticipated. I got Maxie into his carrier without issue, but he was clawing a bit once we were in for a while. However, Lincoln threw up about 20 minutes in and then he pooped.

Yes, poop in the car.

Once we got to the hotel I needed a good 20 minutes to set up the litter box and food, plus clean the carrier and Lincoln before we headed to grab some food. I said my goodbyes to Ayla in front of the Marshall's so we could buy a shower curtain liner and a new suitcase and then walked through the cold and the mist back to the hotel.

Yes, an earthquake and cold and mist all in one day.

We popped open the bottle of wine I have been saving for over a year. My mother bought it at Castello Di Amorosa when we went in 2010. We drank about half. My mother is already snoring and the kitties are hopefully chilled out for the night.

I will join them all shortly.

Gratitudes:
1. Amy
2. Ayla
3. my mom
4. Alyah and Nicole
5. Lake Merritt

Bits and Pieces

As I sit here in the middle of my floor, I am tired. I have been running a bunch lately and there is still a good bit of cleaning to do. The bathroom is just about done, but I need to tackle the kitchen and that will be a doozy. I think I will shut my eyes on the couch for an hour until the Uhuru guys come and take the last bit of my furniture.

______

Okay, so I napped for 30 minutes and do feel better. I really don't think I will be able to get all of my belongings in the 4 suitcases, plus my back pack, but we will see. I will pack everything tonight and probably throw away what does not go.

It has been lovely to hang with Randy and Tony these last few day. Up in Davis and around all of the cultural stuff at ODC, Berkeley Rep and CounterPulse. We did a Red Snapper shot at a dive bar around the corner from CounterPULSE, which we think was the first shot we all did together in Davis. I said my final goodbyes to them today. Saying farewell to Tony was hard. I know that I will see him in July, but there's some finality that got me a bit choked up. Riding home on BART with Randy was a little easier. Mostly because I got off at 19th Street Oakland and he stayed on to head into SF. There were 2 quick hugs and I was on my way.

So, I have not been an emotional mess in a few days and it feels good. I am doing my best to be prepped since I am sure tomorrow will be a challenge with all of the luggage and the cats and the new environment of the hotel. My mother is not feeling all that well so it will more difficult to stay strong.

My father will drop my mother at the airport in NY tomorrow morning and head straight into the city to get the keys to my apartment. A cleaning crew is coming in and my father is setting up an air mattress and a card table and chairs. I will probably get acclimated on Wednesday and then head to training at Spoons Across America that evening. I will head out to LI on Thursday do a bit of shopping with my folks, stay over and come back in on Friday in time for my interview with Employment Line. Back to LI on Saturday for my nephew's 3rd birthday party and then who knows. Hopefully some Namaste Gourmet meetings, job interviews and some temp gigs.

Lots to be grateful for:
1. my parents and their support
2. good friends in Tony and Randy
3. good luck in selling much of my stuff (that I wanted to sell)
4. fresh food
5. sunny, warm days in the Bay

Calm After the Storm

I woke up this morning with my usual sense of anxiety. For the last few days, the dread shakes me up at 4:30AM, so 5:30AM was a welcome change. I got up and fed the cats and went back to sleep. I woke again around 7:30AM, but this time with a sense of ease. I have not felt ease in quite a while. I would like to say ever, but that's not true. It just felt like it.

The calm felt awesome. I had an easy morning, went back to Lafayette to complete the sale of my car, walked down Mt. Diablo to get some breakfast at La Boulange and then hopped on BART to N. Berkeley to meet Randy. I wound up sitting at the BART Station for about 45 minutes, but I didn't care. I ate my veggie tart and finished a good cup of coffee. I put my face up to the sun with a sense of ease.

Delightful.

Randy and I walked to pick up Tony's car by our old Berkeley apartment and after a quick stop at Grocery Outlet (including a weird racially based interaction with an African America couple) we drove to West Oakland to grab Tony and drive up to Davis.

After a nice ride and some good sushi at Davis Sushi on 2nd, we drove to the Theatre & Dance department. It was oddly familiar to be back there. Walked through the shop and up to the second floor. Victoria's office moved once again, but luckily she was there, so Randy and I were able to chat in confidence with her about all of the changes. Tony joined us after his meeting and we got more details on how the MFA program is completely shifting. I am curious to see if it will even be around in 3 years. I am very lucky to have gotten in and out when I did.

Just sayin'.

A little fro-yo (using the plethora of stamp cards) and a gift return at World Market and then back on the road to the Bay.

An absolutely lovely day. I really did need a nap somewhere in there. Tony and I grabbed some coffee once we got to ODC so he could prep for his Opening Night. But then again, I was still calm.

It was not until the second piece in the dance concert tonight that the sense of dread returned. Fear that I have lots to do and no time to do it. That I am missing things and shoving things in each day. I tried to shake it off and be present in the dances, but I struggled. I would like to say that I welled up with emotion due the choreography and performances, but I can't. I have been on the verge of tears so much in the last 2 weeks that I can no longer count.

Tony and I had some wine at the reception and then we walked up to Mission to meet Randy. I really thought about heading straight back home, but I did manage to have a quick bite with the boys before leaving them at Mission Chinese and hopping on BART back to the East Bay.

Tomorrow I lose my bed and my small electric heater. I have more to donate and hope to sell the suitcase and briefcase that have been in my closet for a while. I have a cultural double header tomorrow - The Doctor in Spite of Himself at Berkeley Rep and Dandelion's show at CounterPulse tomorrow night. Hopefully the calm will overpower the anxiety.

T-minus 4 days, y'all.

Emotional Mess

My freak outs have turned in the last day or so. They are now bordering on emotional messes. I have a build up of anxiety and start sobbing. I am currently in one of those as I type. I do see the light at the end of the tunnel, but there's still lots to do. I really should just take a quick nap to maybe ease the emotion, since I have not been sleeping well.

I did just check the early blog entries to see if I experienced similar emotions upon leaving Atlanta and it does not seem that I did. There is this entry which seems to be the closest to the barometer of my mental state, but honestly I cannot remember. I do remember crying on that last day as Jennifer Levison drove me to meet my mother at the airport. I also remember being a mess as I was deciding to step down from Synchronicity. But honestly, my departure was long. I had time to plan, knew where I was going and where my money was coming from and had an apartment in Davis super early.

I think the anxiety here comes from the unknown and the fact that I am moving so fast. Paying lots to rent a small apartment THAT I GOT 2 DAYS AGO (just over a WEEK from my move date) without any source of income. There's still the trepidation of disliking NYC 20 years ago before moving to Atlanta. I was just unhappy. And while I'll be closer to my family, that didn't help me then.

A few people have said that I am making a great decision - and they can only see happiness for me.

I certainly hope so.

Gratitudes:
1. bits of sun
2. snuggly kitties
3. having an apartment in NY
4. a nice farewell from the catering set
5. yeah, that's all I got.

Pack it Out!

So the movers came this morning and my major belongings are out of my apartment. There was room, so I sent my armoire and night stand. I made the mistake of watching part of the Oscars prior to the guys arriving. If I was not already emotional, the epic music and oscar moment totally got me. I mean, I was already primed, but still.

The move went well. Four guys showed up and hauled my shit outta here. There were nice and experienced and then I paid them. I am now sitting in a mess of things I will bring on the plane and stuff I will be selling or giving away. It's a little daunting, but I have 6 days to finish it before I leave this little hobbit hole for good. I just tried to take a photo, but the battery is dead on my camera and I cannot find the charger.

I finally sat and ate some leftover thai noodles and will now head out to deal with printing, signing a lease, getting certified checks. I am dragging my feet a bit, but I know it will be easy, peasy.

I am looking forward to the little gathering tonight with some of the catering gang, plus Tony and Randy. Needless to say, I need a little cocktail to say the least.

Woot!

Anxiety Attack of the Move

I really do think the worst of it is over. I had today and much of tomorrow to get all of my belongings boxed up, however the moving company called around 4PM and asked if I would mind moving the pick up to 10AM instead of the scheduled window of 1-4PM. Being the martyr that I am, I hemmed and hawed but finally agreed. I started getting an anxiety attach so, I then called back to try and take it back, but no go.

With all of the energy I could muster I spent the day packing. I don't remember eating much and I now know what dehydration feels like. It's not like I didn't want to take a break, there was just no desire. There was too much to do.

I live in a super small apartment so it's a challenge to get around and pack and sort. I am beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I have lots to do before I'm done.

1. Get more boxes and some packing tape
2. Finish getting clothes and kitchen items in boxes
3. Sell my furniture
4. Bring my donation items - or schedule a pick up
5. Clean out my car
6. Get my car smogged

I think I will hit the hay and wake up early, refreshed.

Gratitudes:
1. Ayla and Angela for listening to me freak out and talking me down
2. laundry in my building
3. take-out food close by
4. neighbors who don't complain with me leaving furniture and boxes out in the hallway
5. My sister-in-law who agreed to be my guarantor for my NY apartment even though I didn't need it.

T-minus 8 Days!

I head on a plane headed East a week from tomorrow. I have had numerous little freak outs, but there has been lots of progress.

1. I have an apartment. I will be living on the border of Hamilton Heights and Washington Heights on the Upper, Upper West Side of Manhattan. I certainly feel at ease, but not the elation I had when I got approved for the Inwood unit.
2. I sold my car. I got $750 less my asking price. Transfer happens on Thursday.
3. I sold one bookshelf last night and one should go today. Bethany decided not to take my sofa bed, so I put that up on Craigslist just now. Along with the couch, I have my armoire, night table and coffee table that still need good homes.
4. Packing is coming along. Slowly but surely. The movers will be here tomorrow between 1 and 4PM, so I have 24 hours to get my ass in gear and my stuff in boxes.

I have continued to apply for jobs, but my energy has been elsewhere - or just scattered. The trip to Yosemite was great and now I really have to keep moving.

Literally!

Tales from Yosemite

I am trying to tackle a number of Bay Area things before I head out in just over a week. I still do not have an apartment, but will put in an application tomorrow for a unit on W. 156th Street.

I played hooky again over the weekend and went to Yosemite with Randy. We left super early on Saturday and got back this afternoon. It was a whirlwind tour of hiking, laughter and lots of muscle soreness. We checked into the hotel in Mariposa around 10:30AM and then drove to Yosemite.

We parked at the Visitors Center around noon and walked around the little village before hopping on the shuttle bus with our trusty map and some recommendations. The guide in the center suggested we take the The Mist Trail. After a pit stop, we hit the trail around 1PM.

Here's the description from the website (edited):

Distance: 3 miles (4.8 km) round trip to Vernal Fall, 7 miles (11 km) round trip to Nevada Fall. 

Elevation at trailhead: 4,000 feet (1,200 meters) Elevation Gain: 1,000 feet (300 meters) to top of Vernal Fall; 1,900 feet (580 meters) to top of Nevada Fall

Why Hike the Mist Trail?
This is Yosemite's signature hike. While many of Yosemite's trails are popular due to having a single spectacular destination, the Mist Trail has fabulous views scattered all along it, beginning at the bridge overlook, progressing to two unforgettable waterfalls that fall a combined total of more than 900 feet (270 meters), and ending with perhaps the most striking of all: the view of Nevada Fall, Liberty Cap, and the back of Half Dome from the Muir Trail return segment. 

Hiking Time: 2 - 5 hours, depending on how far you go

Scenery Factor: Sublime. You can get covered-with-spray close to two of Yosemite's rock-star waterfalls, and the view looking back from the Muir Trail is just as remarkable as the trail up the falls. 

Crowd Factor: Heavy to the top of Vernal Fall, especially when the water is high. The crowds thin out considerably if you continue to the top of Nevada Fall, although several trails intersect at the top of this fall, so you won't be alone there.

Difficulty: Medium, but bordering strenuous if you go all the way to the top of Nevada Fall. The stretches beside Vernal and Nevada Falls are both quite steep - in fact, the last few hundred meters up the Vernal Falls trail are stairs cut into the cliffside. If you need a gentler workout, you can just proceed as far as the bridge looking upstream to Vernal Fall without exerting yourself quite so much.

The guide actually suggested The Mist Trail AND THEN an easier hike afterwards. We planned to do this and then come back to the park the following day for a 6-8 hour strenuous hike.

Yeah, that did not happen...

We were such shutter bugs that we went fairly slow up to Vernal Fall. Then I was just plain slow. We kept an eye on the time since we knew that sun set was at 5:48PM. Never in a millions years would we have thought the hike would have taken us OVER 5 HOURS! We stopped a few times, but the stretch between Vernal and Nevada Falls was a killer. I was sweaty and hot, but when I eased the pace, I got super cold. I think I said "Damn!" about 5 times as I huffed and puffed up the steep rock. In fact, I don't have any photos once it got more difficult. We reached the top of Nevada Fall around 4:30PM and while I wanted to hang up there, we had time for an apple and some chocolate before we bundled up for our haul back.

There were two times that we got turned around, but the second is what cost us. We accidentally took the longer Winter Route back down once we crossed the bridge close to Vernal Fall. This lead us over a huge icy patch and up into the mountain. I told Randy that it didn't look familiar, but we kept going. Once we realized where we were, we decided to try the new path. As the sun was starting to set, we realized there was a good chance that we would lose the light. It would be safer for us to take a route we knew rather than following something unknown. So, we picked up the pace and headed back down the mountain. I slipped twice, but luckily my bruises were minimal. I was starting to get super nervous and didn't want to move too fast for fear of tripping and falling or hurting my ankle.

We got back on the known path around 5:45PM and then the truckin' started. Luckily, we had enough light to make it down the more treacherous stair sections around Vernal Fall, but once we crossed the first bridge overlook it was pretty much dark. We could see the light of the moon a bit and then we had to use the Flashlight app on Randy's iphone.

There were a few times were we saw something in our path - not knowing if it was a rock, a stump or a sleeping cub. With walking sticks in hand, we kept moving. Luckily by the time the sun completely set we were on the paved part of the trail. Adrenaline was flowing and we were moving at a crisp pace. We thought the last shuttle was at 7PM and we certainly didn't want t miss it. We wound up getting to the stop at 6:30PM and were elated that we got there in one piece and full of a sense of accomplishment. My sweaty shirt was getting colder by the minute and with shaky legs, we eventually boarded the bus back to the parking area. Again Randy's flashlight came in handy for it was pitch black leading from the road into the parking lot. However, that opened our eyes to the most amazing sky.

Truly.

I don't remember the last time I was able to see that many stars. The constellations were so clear, so vibrant.

We ate lots at a diner in Mariposa and I had a celebratory beer.

Lots to be grateful for:
1. time for a road trip
2. living in a beautiful country - and a beautiful part of the country
3. my car
4. a great travel buddy
5. chocolate

Overwhelmed

Not too much more to report. Things are coming along on all fronts. Offer on the car and some potential apartments but nothing settled yet. I took yesterday morning off. I was supposed to go to Alcatraz with Ayla, but tickets were sold out. Instead we took one of the City Guide walking tours of North Beach. It was the Tastes and Tales of North Beach and while there were WAY too many people, it was still enjoyable. We continued the "person of leisure" day by stopping at one of the many outdoor cafes on Columbus to have a beer and some fried calamari. It was a well needed break from the craziness.

When I got to my restaurant shift last night, all of the ease I found during the day quickly faded. It was a trying shift and it makes me realize why I don't normally do restaurant work. It sucked.

But the sun is shining today again and I work a double catering. A delivery in the morning and an event tonight, plus a drive to Palo Alto. This may be my last full service event so even though I know we won't get a tip (since I've worked for this client twice before) I will make the best of it all.

Did I already say the sun is shining?

Yeah, the sun is shining.

Gratitudes:
1. ibruprofen at the ready
2. a cold beer on a warm day
3. a warm day - in February
4. time to walk
5. leftovers

3, 2, 1...Freak out!

Yes, folks. The freak out has officially begun. It was a mistake to call my parents to let them in on that little tidbit, so I may need to wallow for a few moments before I keep moving.

I did just get an email of interest in my media cabinet, but I brought my car into a service station on request of a buyer and it has $700 worth of repairs. A new battery and a new strut casing. My mother did say that I could stay with them until I find a place, so that's helpful. Not ideal, but I don't think we are looking at ideal right now.

Okay, laundry, finding moving boxes and then perhaps Sherlock will have downloaded.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Inhale.

Exhale.

This Time Next Week #1

This time next week, I will be sitting in an emptier apartment. Most of the belongings I am taking to NY will be picked up next Monday. Too bad I still don't know where they will be delivered. The rest of my belongings will travel on the plane with me, my mother and my two furry nubbins. That will give me a week to sell or give away my furniture and other items.

I contacted Agent #2 Bouchra this morning. I spoke with her and Agent #1, Tara at just about the same time 2 weeks ago. Tara found something that I would love and I stopped my contact with Bouchra. I explained to Bouchra my situation this morning and she asked which unit I applied for and got bumped. She then told me that her client moved into said apartment last week.

No shit.

So, it seems that the management wanted an extra 2 weeks of rent and perhaps was happier with the other renters financial docs. Either way, I told Bouchra that that cannot happen again. I sent her some disclosure and fee forms which she confirmed getting, however nothing else. I hope that the lack of communication is due to Presidents Day today and not the fact that there are no listings.

I spent the rest of the day grocery shopping and cooking some promised meals for Christine. She had her baby 4 days ago and once I was done cooking some baked ziti with meat sauce, veggie stirfy, baked chicken, sweet potatoes and asparagus I headed up to Sausalito. Baby Goga is a little old man. He's super cute and was quiet and sleeping most of the time I was there. However after 4 hours, I felt like I was intruding. She did invite me to stay for dinner, but it didn't feel right, so I left. I had some leftovers and just scarfed down some ice cream.

Delish.

I should be doing my laundry, but I think I may pass and get into bed early.

Some gratitudes:
1. My friend Maria. She is awesome and I owe her some private yoga sessions - or anything she wants...
2. Beautiful views in the Bay
3. a sleeping baby
4. a cheapie grocery store close by
5. owning an awesome car - for just a little longer

One Step Forward, One Step Back

Well, the zen in me has overridden the freak out. But still I have not been able to write. I found out on the 15th that I got the Inwood apartment that I put in for on the 8th, but then heard on the 17th that there were 2 of us that were both approved and they had to honor the "first one." I am not sure really what happened and I have a feeling that it's underhanded. So I am now back to square one.

Silent fuming, confusion, loud rage, silence

It's an infuriating place to be since I really thought that one of the major puzzle pieces was solved. I have been contacting more agents and scouring for more apartments, but got into an argument with agent #3 on Friday and almost got scammed by someone on Craigslist today. Maria is available to see another Inwood apartment, but agent #4 is not responding to emails in a timely manner. There may also be an apartment in Astoria, but agent #5 is not sure if it's still available. According to Kelley and my astrology chart, something better is around the bend, but then again something "interesting" will happen in the next 9-10 days. When I asked "interesting good, or interesting bad?" she just replied, "interesting."

Either way, I am not a fan. I don't need interesting right now. This Taurus needs stability and assuredness.

On a more positive note, I do have a good number of people interested in my car and I sold my old printer yesterday and Bethany from the catering company is interested in my couch. So, yes things are happening and I need to vigilant. I have just lost a bit of steam.

Some great culture, however. I saw Pina in 3D yesterday with Ayla and it was stunning. A truly wonderful showing of Pina Bausch's work. Last night I cooked dinner for Randy and Tony and after a heated Boggle game, we all crashed in my hobbit hole. We got up this morning, I made coffee and we all washed my dishes! That was a pleasure! And after showing my car to a young kid who had no idea how to make a deal or negotiate we grabbed burritos before heading to Alameda.

I have wanted to go to St. George Spirits for over a year now. And instead of heading to Davis for sushi, Tony suggested we head there. We did a tasting at 12:30PM and then took the 1PM tour. St. George is the maker of Hangar One vodkas and other spirits. We tried a few eau de vies, amazing gins, a bourbon, 2 vodkas, a few brandies and then their absinthe. We learned during the tasting that it's protocol to place your glass over the line on the bar to show that you are finished and ready for the next tasting. The guy who would eventually be our guide said to Tony that he didn't want to accidentally pull our glasses if we were not finished because he had a feeling that Tony could be violent and that I was a hitter. I think he was trying to be funny, but I have had the desire to punch people in the face lately. Anyway, the tour was great, the views were stellar and dang these folks know how to distill some amazing booze. It was a great visit.

Tomorrow I will get up early and head to Grocery Outlet to buy groceries to make some family dinners for Christine. She gave birth over the weekend and I promised a few meals. I will continue to apply for jobs, sell my crap and secure an apartment.

I may just have to stop at BevMo to get a St. George product since perhaps I may need a little more than zen to keep me from hitting.

T-minus 21

We're getting close folks, and I have yet to freak out.

Yet.

I really do feel there will be a yet. I still have not heard back from the management company about my application on the Seaman apartment. I left a fairly stern message with Tara and got a call back from her broker. I may just deal with him now. I do hope to hear something tomorrow. On the more positive front I did get a temporary job for the week after I move. Actually training happens the day after I fly in. It's for Spoons Across America and their Agricultural Literacy program. Basically I get paid to go into classrooms and read a book on how food grows. It's pretty great. I do wonder if this one opportunity will lead to more work.

I have not had any bites on my furniture, but a number of calls about my car. I showed it today but he wanted it for $3000 lower than my asking price. I am showing it to someone else on Friday.

I am beat from an evening at Phil's, so I am in bed and ready to hit the hay. After I play any of my Words with Friends turns, that is.

Gratitudes:
1. some kind customers tonight at Phil's
2. a sunny day in the East Bay
3. a bit of work lined up in NY
4. a bit of catering work before I leave
5. BART

Scrubs Bookends

As I was leaving Atlanta, I started watching Scrubs on DVD. I was completely addicted. I knew that when I moved to California I would find Zach Braff and we would fall madly in love.

Yeah, I am not sure what I was thinking.

Needless to say, I never "ran in" to Mr. Braff, nor did I stalk the set even though Tony grew up right around where they filmed.

With all of the craziness of grad school I missed the last 2 seasons. I have been catching up the last few weeks and finally saw the final 2 episodes of Season 8 this evening. I find it so interesting that Scrubs played such a role in my Atlanta departure and that I found it again after 4 1/2 years. In the 2 episodes I saw tonight, they touched on Braff's character JD leaving Sacred Heart and all of the emotions around expectations, the future and good-byes. It was a little surreal. One, because I am going through many of those feelings right now and secondly because it's pretty weird that this Western adventure is bookended by my Scrubs viewing.

I cannot force myself to watch Season 9, but now that I'm caught up on all my current TV viewing I can get down to prepping for the move. In earnest.

Oh wait, I would love to be able to see some of the Grammy's tomorrow...

How 'bout some gratitudes before slumber?
1. an easy catering job today
2. hanging with Ayla after said job
3. back up parking for the general suck in the current parking situation in my neighborhood
4. coffee
5. TV shows on the internet - I was going to say interweb, but jokes and inflection don't really read here. right?

Motivation Needed

Since I have been back at the restaurant, it's been difficult to get stuff done. Well, I don't know if I can blame that, but getting rid of my belongings is where I am completely dragging my feet. As usual I would like the easy route, but now that I will have more time, I need to be more vigilant about selling what I don't need to bring with me.

While I have not been going out of my way to tell people that I'm leaving, word is starting to spread within the catering set. Both Ayla and Lindsay mentioned going away parties and honestly I really don't want one. I would rather just step out of the picture and vanish. I am trying to process why that is and I think the reasons are many. First, since I really don't have a good support/friend circle, I truly don't think that anyone really cares that I am going. I know that's not true, but I wonder why people didn't make an effort while I was here. I know people are busy and are really into themselves, but it makes me wonder if people just take me for granted. They think I'll be around, so they'll contact me when they get around to it. This is all conjecture since I really don't know. But I have spent time pondering and mulling over some difficult ideas.

Secondly, I feel that I failed here in the Bay Area. I actually mentioned it to Roz during our catering job today. It's amazing how easily it came off my tongue. I was thinking my Facebook departure post would be Hope Mirlis: 0, San Francisco 1, but I don't think I need to be so public with it. The failure reason for leaving is certainly a hard one. I came out of the UC Davis gates with gun blaring and then I got injured. I'm curious to know what may have happened if I never lost that momentum. I cannot say it was a complete wash since I have done some amazing things and got to teach at some theatres and studios. However, it's been a struggle. Hell, you can read all about it right here from the last 2 years of posts.

I work tomorrow and have all of Monday off. I really need to find some motivation and get shit done. Will it happen? I hope so. Either way, I'm sure I will get a phone call from my parents for their daily "update." Gosh, I hope I have something to tell them. Or perhaps I wish they would stop calling every day.

Sigh.

Some gratitudes for the last sip of wine:
1. the music of Whitney Houston - she was found dead this evening
2. my neighborhood (and the characters within)
3. lovely catering co-workers
4. clean floors - in the bathroom and kitchen
5. complimentary catering clients

Draggin'

I have been getting home from Phil's and have just been beat. This evening I did 2 loads of laundry, had some dinner and just fell into bed. I had a lovely phone conversation with my brother and watched the most recent Top Chef episode. I did wind up playing a little ukulele, but nothing truly dedicated.

Looking at this list, I did a lot. Oh yeah, I also scrubbed the bathroom floor - on my hands and knees with a scrub brush. Hugh called with a heads up that he decided to take a large party in the restaurant on top of a huge to go order. He's bringing in extra staff to get everything out in time, but that also means I will be working a 9 hour day before going to Amy's bowling birthday party tomorrow night. I am not sure I am so excited about all of this. It's 10:15PM and I am ready to go to sleep. The past 2 nights I don't think I shut my eyes until after 1AM, so hopefully this will refresh and renew.

Hopefully.

On the hopeful front, I put a deposit down and filled out an application for a studio apartment in Inwood. While it's a little out of the way, it's close to nature, a great Farmers Market, and lots of good restaurants and bars. I am excited to get settled and start etching out a new routine. I'm excited to see where that may go in terms of work, but I do think I will cobble something together.

In the effort to keep this optimism flowing, here are my gratitudes:
1. s'mores bars
2. coffee
3. a freshly laundered warm bath mat under my feet
4. parents who care
5. the possibility of a deeper connection with my brother

Today's image is by the artist Yoshika

Back to Gratitudes

It's way too late, but needed some coming down time after my Phil's shift this evening. My feet are killing me and I have a long day tomorrow. Things are moving forward, but I really need to sell my furniture. And car. And bicycle.

I also need to plan my kids yoga class for tomorrow. I know I will use the yoga pretzel cards, but I would love to teach them something else. A concept, a new pose, a new awareness.

So, let me get these gratitudes in and go to sleep. Perhaps I will meditate on some questions and have answers when I wake!

Won't that be nice?

Here I go:
1. yoga
2. cold beer
3. easy public transit
4. my friend Maria who is looking at an apartment on my behalf
5. hand cream in my purse

Change of Plans

When I woke up this morning the sun was shining and I was super excited to take an early yoga class, continue prepping for the move, head to free day at the Oakland Museum before taking BART to Berkeley to see Ghost Light with Michael Gaffney tonight.

I had a great quiet walk to class and Leonora always teaches a lovely sequence. However, 2/3 of the way through the class I felt a twinge in my left psoas. It may be closer to a pull, but I'd like to stay optimistic. I immediately went into balasana and then checked the range of motion. It certainly does not feel right, but it doesn't hurt and I was able to finish the class taking things very easy. No full lunges with my left leg extended back, no pigeon on that side either. No jumping up to uttanasana, no jumping back to plank.

I did feel a little tug on the muscle on my walk home. And during a yummy breakfast I decided to take it easy today. I hope that I am not using this as an excuse to be lazy. I looked for apartments, watched some hulu, made a soup and just had lunch. Oh, I also did my dishes. I have just over 2 hours before I need to head to Berkeley, so I will continue cleaning, change my sheets & perhaps post my couch for sale on craigslist and take a shower.

I hope that my muscle will heal quickly. My monthly membership at Barefoot Movement expires on Tuesday, so I just may not renew. I'll have to see how I feel. I do want to take a few classes before I go.

1. Allen Frias' hip hop class
2. Stacey Rosenberg's yoga class
3. a glass blowing class
4. and one last round of Sarah and Chauncey

I just checked at the Oakland Museum is free the first Sunday of every month. So, I will go next month. March 4 - 2 days before I ship out and head back East.

Baby Steps

I really should be sleeping. My Daily Inspiration on Twitter and Facebook centered around getting extra sleep, but I am certainly not following that advice. At least for the end of my day. I worked a long day at Phil's and had 2 glasses of wine. I also started my online application for a position in the Education department of the American Museum of Natural History. I am fried.

And I cannot believe that I have not written in 5 days.

There's not a ton to report. I did post some furniture on Craigslist, but have not gotten any bites. I did give my notice to all of my employers and my apartment managers. I also sent my tax forms to Sallie, my accountant in Atlanta. And I have secured movers to come and grab my stuff on the 27th of this month.

Baby steps.

Therefore I still need income in NY. And have a shit ton to sell before I go. I also need to keep the money flowing here in CA until I leave. And then there's that whole issue about where I'm actually moving. Mama's gotta find an apartment.

It's amazing how much yoga has helped me release. I notice tension creeping up all the time and once the awareness hits I just let go. It's kinda great. I think that's one of the major positives on my CA adventure. It was a big issue in grad school once one of my professors realized that I clenched my glutes. I know I've mentioned it before, but usually I try so hard and want something badly that my whole body grips. The release certainly helps with the stress levels.

I have also tried to play my ukulele often, but working 5 days a week makes it a bit more difficult. The money sure is nice and without a steady gig or money coming in, I can certainly dedicate lots of time to my ukulele playing in my super small apartment in NY.

Wherever that may be.

Gratitudezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I am beat. I drove back last night from LA and then worked a full day at Phil's today. I did take a yoga class after work, but once I got home, cooked dinner and practiced my ukulele I cannot keep my eyes open.

Here are some gratitudes before my slumber:
1. beautiful countrysides
2. nice rideshare passengers
3. podcasts
4. sunny days
5. a great yoga class

The Return of Blogthing!

As I go back and read old posts, I realize how much more interesting these entries USED to be. I feel like I've gotten into a rut. Don't you?

Anyway, when I got bored I used to post these crazy quizzes. Here's one.

Your International Spy Name is Diva Deathbird

Your Code Name: The Bamboo You Reside in: Geneva Why You're a Good Spy: You're a good lover

What's Your International Spy Name?

Gosh, I Needed That

Even though I was completely beat this morning from a long day yesterday, I hauled myself up early this morning, moved my car into a spot I could stay all day, packed for the DAY and hoofed it to yoga. It was so well needed. I have been a bit scattered and tired and the freak outs are set to begin, so it was a smart choice to send some breath into my mind and my body. Afterwards I felt amazing.

I was not successful quieting my mind, however. My brain was all over the place. I was thinking mostly about my connection with yoga. The fact that I had such a great teaching practice with Daniel the other day. And yesterday at Phil's, one of the new staffers, Khaleshia said something to the affect of 'all people who do yoga are happier.' I am not sure that's true, but it certainly centers me. This made me think about the larger picture - mostly the fact that I left New York 20 years ago because I had no friends. And here I am leaving the Bay Area for mostly the same reason and heading back to the place that started it all. It also made me ponder the fact that I applied to Cornell University's Industrial Psychology department and got in Sophomore Guarantee which I felt was failing. Therefore I passed on it and took the more creative route. And here I am 20 years later heading into Life Coaching.

So the hard question is 'was it worth it?' I made this HUGE detour just to come back to the same place. I while I was unsure yesterday, by the end of yoga class I know that I made the right decision. I think the person I was 20 years ago would not have been happy doing Industrial Psychology then. But I had adventures and experiences that opened me up to listen and counsel. To inspire and expand. To respect and motivate.

Pretty powerful, non?

After class, I grabbed some coffee and breakfast before jumping on BART to head to Downtown Berkeley and work a busy Phil's shift. There were a number of things that I didn't complete last night, so I arrived early to do those before other staff showed up. It was a busy day and I stayed late and arrived at The Ashby Stage with 15 minutes to spare before the start of God's Plot. Luckily I had a chance to grab a banana across the street and check in with my parents before the show.

The show was really wonderful. I have seen a few clunkers at Shotgun, so it's super exciting when you see a show that works well. It also seemed that the entire cast really and truly enjoyed each other. Well created, well presented. Just good. And it felt very Bay Area. I am glad that I went and got a little creative recharge.

My tiredness is setting in, so I will list my gratitudes and call it a night.

1. good theatre
2. beer
3. good parking karma
4. yoga and breath
5. a usable and easy transportation system